I Got Nuthin'!

I sat down to work on my Bible study and blog today about 12:30.  By 1:10 I still had a blank sheet of paper and a blank computer screen.  There have been days when the Lord has laid something on my heart and it was very clear.  There are other days when I have to dig in deeper and see what He has for me.  Today it felt like he was silent.  I texted my friend Kristin and told her I had nothing definite nailed down for my blog today.  I was reading about the relationship between God and Jesus and if Jesus was referred to as "Son" in the Bible how could that be because Jesus is God.  I did learn through my aimless studying and reading that the word son used in John 3:16 is not the same as the word son we use.  I also read more details about the Holy Trinity which made my head spin.  Kristin said she hoped I got it figured out so I could tell her!  Love Kristin!  It all seemed so above my head.  At the end of my 'study' time it became apparent that I was not supposed to understand this in the way I desired.

I read three pages from the book I use for my daily inspirations.  Oh all the readings were fantastic, but none really were a springboard for any of my own thoughts.  As I was going about my duties this afternoon I thought of something.  By it appearing God had nothing for me He had so much.  Let me explain.

This may be a repeat of part of another blog so bear with me.  I was on a certain treatment plan for my hormone problems for nearly three years.  It did not turn out well and in fact, many symptoms got worse.  It has been mind numbing.  It is incredible the delicate balance our Creator has given us.  When this balance is out of sync it can make life really hard.  Actually, there have been times too many to count that this imbalance has brought me to my knees begging God for relief.  God lead us to Georgia and to new care providers.  Someday I'll tell the story of how I found my new compounding pharmacist.  It's rather incredible.  They have DRASTICALLY changed my course of treatment.  They don't have a time line for me though.  I desperately want a time line.  When will this get better or when will that get better, etc.  It took many, many years to get here and it will take time to a better place.  If I knew in July, 2012 I would not have such severe and numerous symptoms I could hang out now much easier.  Nope.  They do not know and God isn't seeming to answer this question either.  I also consult with another specialist and she had no definite answers for me either the last time we talked.  It appears that I am not supposed to understand this in the way I desire.  Did I just not type a similar sentence at the end of paragraph one?!  You see my point?

God was not telling me exactly how the relationship between the Father and Son works. Throw in the Spirit and you get total confusion.  It is possible that this Trinity can't be explained in human words and only by spiritual wisdom.  Remember I said by Him not giving me anything He was giving me something?  He was teaching me that He is so far above me and what my mind can handle.  If I could totally get Him what kind of God would He be?  In the same way, He's not giving answers with my health issues either.  He's teaching me that He is God and He's got it.  By not giving me any answers He's teaching me to trust Him.

He is a merciful God though.  All through my journey to hormonal hell and back He has given me saliva test results that show just how messed up my hormones are.  It sounds crazy to say, but I have been very thankful for these because after awhile you start to think your making things up and your possibly going crazy.  When the ratio between your estrogen to progesterone should be about 1:200 and it's .9:11,391 your going to feel like complete trash...and your body will think it's pregnant which is SO NOT COOL.  My point is He has been merciful to give me test results to show much is off.  I have been thankful for this.

I am hoping this blog meets someone where they are at.  It seems rather jumbled to me.  My point could have gotten missed with all my rambling so I'll try and summarize.  Here it goes.  When you think God is silent rest assured He's working in ways we don't even know and probably could not believe even if we did know.  He can teach us treasures even when we think He's leaving us hanging...just like He did to me today.  It's okay to not understand things.  As hard as that is to except and believe me, I get how hard that is.  He's got it and many times He does not desire us to understand.