Hey everyone! I hope you all had a peaceful Christmas. We missed our families in Ohio, but enjoyed our southern holiday also. It was been outstanding having Dave home for close to two weeks. Our vacation at home has been wonderful. The only downside has been the fact that poor, little Eli has had the flu. When I say the flu I mean THE FLU. He has been soooooo incredibly sick. Keeping a five year old on the couch for five days has not been easy! So on to the point of my blog entry.
Luke 8:39) Return home and tell how much God has done for you." So the man went away and
told all over town how much Jesus had done for him.
So this is what I shall do now. Shall? For some reason Eli has been using this word. "Shall we play Wii?" "What shall we do now, mom?" Anywho. Like many of you I think if I declare something that has happened that is good out loud there is a chance I will like jinx it or something. There are also some people that constantly talk about all the good things that happen in their lives. Let's admit it...we often want to smack those people! :-) So there is something really good that I have experienced the last few months...I bet your really curious now. I don't mean good as in we had a good Christmas, I had a good run the other day, etc. I mean good as in good like you can't even believe it happened, someone pinch me, an utter miracle, I have been pleading to God for this for years and years and years.
S-L-E-E-P. For those of you who sleep well on a regular basis you don't get the magnitude of never sleeping well. I have been plagued with insomnia for longer than I can remember. I did everything the experts said to do. Our bedroom was cold, the bed was perfectly comfortable, I avoided ALL caffeine and had very limited amounts of sugar, I allowed myself to "unwind" before bed, I exercised, I prayed about it, I recited Bible verses, listened to quiet music, had white noise, had a fan on me, turned the ceiling fan on, bought black out blinds, talked to my doctor about it, and the list goes on. Oh and forget sleeping away from home. I didn't even have a racing mind. I just could NOT sleep. By the time this had gone on for like five years I was terrified and so stressed to go to bed. I would get in bed and one of two things would happen. One, I would fall asleep right away and wake up an hour later and be awake for three hours or two, I would lay there for hours on end. I would get up and do laundry or read, but nothing ever helped. When I would get utterly exhausted I would just bawl. Dave would wake up and sit with me for hours until I fell asleep. It was mind-numbing. Different treatments were given to me and nothing worked. If I would have known any national security secrets I would have sang like a bird!
I dreaded going to bed and dreaded how tired I would be the next day. I would drag myself up and workout every single day. I would power through the days so tired I wanted to just lay down wherever I was. I battled exhaustion anyway too due to my severe hormonal imbalances. I remember one time at Kroger's I was so tired that I literally wanted to lay down in the aisle. I called my friend whose daughter went to preschool with Eli and asked if she would pick up Eli too because I was too tired to get my groceries in the car and drive over to the school. She assured me it was not a problem. I just drove home in a tired daze.
When I went to Dr. Vliet in August insomnia was number one on my list of symptoms. She was so compassionate and said she can't believe I had lived this way this long. We talked about how God's power flowed through me because I would have given up years ago. He is the reason I have navigated through this journey that I call "hormonal hell." His grace has been sufficient (2 Corinthians 12:9). Dr. Vliet had ordered blood work weeks before my appointment so when we got there she had all the results. She pointed to about four hormones that were significantly off all of which cause sleep issues. I wanted to cry just looking at that lab report. I am not casting stones at the other doctors that I have seen over the years. They just saw things differently and treated people differently than Dr. Vliet.
One hormone in general was basically non-existent so she gave me a sample of it that I could use immediately. I stuck that estrogen patch on my hip that night. Guess what? I slept that night...in a hotel room...not in my usual spot...with different sounds...in a different time zone...etc. That was the last day in August and now we are almost through December and I'm still sleeping well. Now I will still have nights that I wake up early or it takes me longer to fall asleep, but it's okay because everybody has those and now I know the next night will be better. The other night I slept eight hours straight. Crazy that is!
So forever I have wanted to share this story, but I didn't want to jinx it. I didn't want to declare what the Lord has done for me because what if the sleep went away. What if I put this blog entry out there for everyone to read and than I stopped sleeping well? Even with Dave, my best pal, or my dad or sister I am hesitant to tell them I slept awesome the night before. Why? Because of fear. I am afraid this gift from God will be ripped from me. I feel unworthy of a simple gift from God.
So right now I am doing what the man did in Luke 8:39. The background on Luke 8:39 is this. The man was demon-possessed. Jesus Christ freed this man from the torment that was his life. The man wanted to go with Jesus on his next mission. Jesus, instead, told him to go and tell everyone what God had done for him. So that's what I am doing by refusing to keep quiet out of fear. God has given me a gift, pure and simple. There are some symptoms from my imbalances that are still present, but sleep has come. I am declaring what God has done for me.
So there. My dear, sweet (and very patient) husband told me a few weeks ago that I needed to do an entry about my sleep. I admitted to him that the Lord had laid on my heart a few weeks before our conversation that He wanted me to do an entry on my sleeping. I put it off, avoided it. When Dave came to me and said this I knew it was what I was supposed to do. So I got right on it two weeks later! I decided today was the day. I hope this entry spoke to your heart in a personal way. Happy New Year!
Monday, December 31, 2012
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Coziness!
Hey everyone! I'm so sorry for the length of time since my last entry. Time flies!
I want to introduce a word to you today...coziness. I do not think it is even a real word, but in my mind it is! Stick with me here. Dave, Eli, and myself traveled to Northwest Ohio for Thanksgiving. Actually we went well before Thanksgiving and were back in Georgia for the actual day. We left Evans, Georgia at about 7:00 p.m. Funny thing is we had to drop off a cupcake order on our way out of town! Eli was all comfy in the back seat. Dare I say cozy?! He had a blanket, his pillow, Floppy, Cheetos (if you give your kid Cheetos in the car please have wipes handy...I learned this the hard way), a water bottle, and his little DVD player with a VeggieTale movie. About 30 minutes into the trip he asks how much longer! We said, "well Eli, only 11 more hours!" He fell asleep about two hours later and slept most of the trip. We made it to Dave's parent's house the next morning. We were thankful to God that He allowed us to arrive safely.
Going back to Ohio is a tough thing for me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE seeing my family. I knew that I would get to see all my little nieces and nephews and that I would get to hang out with my awesome sister-in-laws, Amanda and Rachel. It is a rare thing that all the Limbirds get to be together. I also could not wait to see my dad! My sister and I had plans to enjoy each other's company one afternoon and they could all not wait to see Eli. I was hoping to get to see my Aunt MiChelle and her kids, Alyssa and Kaiden. My sister also has a wonderful boyfriend who has children and we all enjoy our time together. My point in telling you all of this is that there are many, many aspects of traveling to Ohio that are very good. I am not going to lie though. It's hard. It makes me miss my mom and I struggle with thoughts over the last few times I was in Ohio before she passed on to her heavenly reward. She also would cook up a storm for Thanksgiving making the best turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn casserole, and apple pie you have ever had. If you have ever been to my parent's house you know it's cozy and inviting. My mom had a God-given knack for decorating and art. She painted beautiful pictures and just put her fingerprint on any room she decorated. Even now when you enter that house you feel her presence in all the creativity around you. When I walk in and feel that presence it usually makes me sad because it makes me realize once again that she is no longer there.
So as we traveled from Dave's parent's house to my childhood home (only about a 15 minute drive) the first evening I felt that usual sickness in the pit of my stomach. I just knew that I would walk in and be smacked with the concept of her absence. Something different happened this time though...I walked in and I felt a tremendous coziness. My mom LOVED being cozy. She could make everything cozy. Every room in the house is cozy. Even her huge Fifth Wheel camper was cozy! I remember one March at a very cold horse show she and I camped on the show grounds. I had been riding my horse one cold evening and when I came back to the camper with freezing fingers and toes she had prepared hot chocolate and had the fireplace going (yes her camper had a fireplace).
Coziness is hard to explain. The dictionary says cozy means, "to be snugly warm and comfortable." Mom took her role as a homemaker very seriously. She painstakingly made that house a home. She had a gift of taking something mundane and turning it into something special. Even a trip to Wal-Mart with her would be all kinds of fun. When I was a kid I couldn't wait to get home after school because I knew she would be there and would have time for me...and a wonderful snack (often times fresh chocolate chip cookies). I firmly believe she had many gifts from God. One gift was to make small things special. She had the gift of creativity and God clearly gave her the ability to make a house a home.
As Dave, Eli, and I approached the door I could smell the wood burning fireplace burning. One chore I had as an adolescent was to take the cut wood from the barn and dump it through the open basement window for the furnace. I never understood how people changed the thermostat without first "firing up" the furnace! Anyway, my dad was sitting in a leather chair with his feet propped up in front of the fireplace. I looked around and felt a huge hug from my mom. I still missed her tremendously and cried a few times while I was there, but realized what a gift she had and how she passed it on to me.
Dave and I are cozy people. One of our favorite places to go every fall is the north Georgia mountains and stay in a wonderfully cozy cabin. We are a comfy pant, fireplace, and chill weather kind of family. When Eli gets home from school the first thing he wants to do is get cozy which means to put on his jammies. This occurs on the days he does not wear his dragon costume! He likes being "cozy to the coze!" In the summer when it's 8,000 degrees outside I want the air conditioning turned way down so I can still be cozy! I believe my mom taught me to put a priority on making our house a home, to make it inviting, and to make it feel safe.
Being at home I realized that she dedicated her life to her family and home. She was a big personality and left an incredible imprint on that house. Being home I became so thankful that I knew her and that she took the time to teach me such important lessons. I am so grateful that God put in me that same creative gene. While I was there I did a great deal of cooking and baking which is also a trait I got from my mom. I got out her big pot and made her chili recipe. As it simmered I sat at her kitchen table and missed her like crazy, but also felt grateful that she taught me to be a homemaker and mom. She taught me how fantastic it is to be COZY!
The following verse is one that reminds me of my mom. This blog entry isn't based on a Bible study this time, but just thoughts on our trip to Ohio. I hope you enjoyed it and the Lord spoke to you in a personal way.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
I want to introduce a word to you today...coziness. I do not think it is even a real word, but in my mind it is! Stick with me here. Dave, Eli, and myself traveled to Northwest Ohio for Thanksgiving. Actually we went well before Thanksgiving and were back in Georgia for the actual day. We left Evans, Georgia at about 7:00 p.m. Funny thing is we had to drop off a cupcake order on our way out of town! Eli was all comfy in the back seat. Dare I say cozy?! He had a blanket, his pillow, Floppy, Cheetos (if you give your kid Cheetos in the car please have wipes handy...I learned this the hard way), a water bottle, and his little DVD player with a VeggieTale movie. About 30 minutes into the trip he asks how much longer! We said, "well Eli, only 11 more hours!" He fell asleep about two hours later and slept most of the trip. We made it to Dave's parent's house the next morning. We were thankful to God that He allowed us to arrive safely.
Going back to Ohio is a tough thing for me. Don't get me wrong I LOVE seeing my family. I knew that I would get to see all my little nieces and nephews and that I would get to hang out with my awesome sister-in-laws, Amanda and Rachel. It is a rare thing that all the Limbirds get to be together. I also could not wait to see my dad! My sister and I had plans to enjoy each other's company one afternoon and they could all not wait to see Eli. I was hoping to get to see my Aunt MiChelle and her kids, Alyssa and Kaiden. My sister also has a wonderful boyfriend who has children and we all enjoy our time together. My point in telling you all of this is that there are many, many aspects of traveling to Ohio that are very good. I am not going to lie though. It's hard. It makes me miss my mom and I struggle with thoughts over the last few times I was in Ohio before she passed on to her heavenly reward. She also would cook up a storm for Thanksgiving making the best turkey, stuffing, sweet potatoes, corn casserole, and apple pie you have ever had. If you have ever been to my parent's house you know it's cozy and inviting. My mom had a God-given knack for decorating and art. She painted beautiful pictures and just put her fingerprint on any room she decorated. Even now when you enter that house you feel her presence in all the creativity around you. When I walk in and feel that presence it usually makes me sad because it makes me realize once again that she is no longer there.
So as we traveled from Dave's parent's house to my childhood home (only about a 15 minute drive) the first evening I felt that usual sickness in the pit of my stomach. I just knew that I would walk in and be smacked with the concept of her absence. Something different happened this time though...I walked in and I felt a tremendous coziness. My mom LOVED being cozy. She could make everything cozy. Every room in the house is cozy. Even her huge Fifth Wheel camper was cozy! I remember one March at a very cold horse show she and I camped on the show grounds. I had been riding my horse one cold evening and when I came back to the camper with freezing fingers and toes she had prepared hot chocolate and had the fireplace going (yes her camper had a fireplace).
Coziness is hard to explain. The dictionary says cozy means, "to be snugly warm and comfortable." Mom took her role as a homemaker very seriously. She painstakingly made that house a home. She had a gift of taking something mundane and turning it into something special. Even a trip to Wal-Mart with her would be all kinds of fun. When I was a kid I couldn't wait to get home after school because I knew she would be there and would have time for me...and a wonderful snack (often times fresh chocolate chip cookies). I firmly believe she had many gifts from God. One gift was to make small things special. She had the gift of creativity and God clearly gave her the ability to make a house a home.
As Dave, Eli, and I approached the door I could smell the wood burning fireplace burning. One chore I had as an adolescent was to take the cut wood from the barn and dump it through the open basement window for the furnace. I never understood how people changed the thermostat without first "firing up" the furnace! Anyway, my dad was sitting in a leather chair with his feet propped up in front of the fireplace. I looked around and felt a huge hug from my mom. I still missed her tremendously and cried a few times while I was there, but realized what a gift she had and how she passed it on to me.
Dave and I are cozy people. One of our favorite places to go every fall is the north Georgia mountains and stay in a wonderfully cozy cabin. We are a comfy pant, fireplace, and chill weather kind of family. When Eli gets home from school the first thing he wants to do is get cozy which means to put on his jammies. This occurs on the days he does not wear his dragon costume! He likes being "cozy to the coze!" In the summer when it's 8,000 degrees outside I want the air conditioning turned way down so I can still be cozy! I believe my mom taught me to put a priority on making our house a home, to make it inviting, and to make it feel safe.
Being at home I realized that she dedicated her life to her family and home. She was a big personality and left an incredible imprint on that house. Being home I became so thankful that I knew her and that she took the time to teach me such important lessons. I am so grateful that God put in me that same creative gene. While I was there I did a great deal of cooking and baking which is also a trait I got from my mom. I got out her big pot and made her chili recipe. As it simmered I sat at her kitchen table and missed her like crazy, but also felt grateful that she taught me to be a homemaker and mom. She taught me how fantastic it is to be COZY!
The following verse is one that reminds me of my mom. This blog entry isn't based on a Bible study this time, but just thoughts on our trip to Ohio. I hope you enjoyed it and the Lord spoke to you in a personal way.
Proverbs 31:10 An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels.
Monday, November 5, 2012
Here's to...Dinah and the U.S. of A.!
In my last entry I explained how encouragement is a gift from the Lord. My last entry explained how my dad and close friend have provided a crutch for me at needed times. I love them both so much!
The third person I want to touch on is my mom. I think of her fondly today because election day is tomorrow and she LOVED to vote. People are so comfortable here. They truly think America will also be the way it is where we have endless freedoms and the ability to be whoever we want. Mom saw the attacks against our freedoms and took them seriously. She did not take well to ignorance or the mass media's deception. She used to say, "I don't believe these polls. No one has ever asked me!" My mom was a firm believer in Conservatism and could talk politics with just about anyone. She was always informed about pretty much everything. I firmly believe I got my love of country and interest in politics from her. My dad was always very interested in politics too, but because I spent more time growing up with my mom I remember her interest in greater detail. She stressed the importance of being informed to my sister and I.
She also made me realize that it was wise to dig deeper into issues and not count on what was said on the nightly news. Growing up we didn't have cable so at 6:30 p.m. every night we ate dinner and watched Tom Brokaw. I hated it! My dad was always clear that we had to be informed than form our own ideas. Even at a young age I was taught critical thinking. She taught me that just because Tom Brokaw said it doesn't make it so. She taught me common sense when it came to political issues. My mom listened to conservative talk radio nearly every day. I remember being a kid (and teenager) having to listen to talk radio anytime we were in the car between noon and 3 p.m. Again, I HATED it! I was a shallow kid. I believe a foundation was set for me to know the importance of the principles of what has made America. Mom felt a passion for our great Constitution. She was still listening to her talk radio from noon to 3 p.m. as she lay in bed too sick with cancer to get up. Why? Why would she care? She was going to see Jesus face to face soon! Why? She simply loved her country and knew that her loved ones were going to be left here for awhile. She would be so excited to vote for love of country tomorrow.
I know that everyone reading this would not agree with my mom's political stance...or mine, but I want to give her the honor she deserves on this election-eve. So what does this have to do with encouragement? I'll tell you. She encouraged me to be the best I could be. She wanted me to be a critical-thinker over everything not just politics. She taught me how important common sense was. She knew that being wise and discerning was a Biblical trait and stressed to me and Christy how God desired us to ask Him for these traits.
2 Chronicles 1:11-12) God said to Solomon, “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have.”
I would guess that Mom spent our lifetimes praying over Christy and myself. I don't believe she prayed for us to be happy or comfortable. I doubt she prayed that we would have a lot of money or popularity. She knew that the human nature is fickle and what would make us happy one day would change another. She knew money was worthless and popularity could be a curse. She knew that Jesus did not live a comfortable life on this earth. I believe she prayed for us to desire wisdom and to be knowledgeable in the things that matter. She encouraged us to seek His wisdom. America is something that matters and I believe that is why she wanted to be as knowledgeable about the workings of government as possible. I also know she thanked Him endlessly that her girls could grow up somewhere like America.
I feel like I'm rambling a bit and this entry is all connected in my head! I hope you can make some sense out of it in the end. Mom had grit. She helped me to see that there is a great big world out there that does not involve my creature comforts. She never took fondly to shallow or selfish people. She was real. She had a depth of character. She felt things deeply and encouraged me to be the type of person that seeks Godly wisdom and knowledge on the things that matter above all else.
So on this election-eve...think of my mom and think of what matters most in your heart as you go to cast your ballot tomorrow. She was a woman of principle. I encourage you to thank God for the ability we have to vote and seek Him for wisdom as you enter the poll. So here's to Dinah and to the Red, White, and Blue!
The third person I want to touch on is my mom. I think of her fondly today because election day is tomorrow and she LOVED to vote. People are so comfortable here. They truly think America will also be the way it is where we have endless freedoms and the ability to be whoever we want. Mom saw the attacks against our freedoms and took them seriously. She did not take well to ignorance or the mass media's deception. She used to say, "I don't believe these polls. No one has ever asked me!" My mom was a firm believer in Conservatism and could talk politics with just about anyone. She was always informed about pretty much everything. I firmly believe I got my love of country and interest in politics from her. My dad was always very interested in politics too, but because I spent more time growing up with my mom I remember her interest in greater detail. She stressed the importance of being informed to my sister and I.
She also made me realize that it was wise to dig deeper into issues and not count on what was said on the nightly news. Growing up we didn't have cable so at 6:30 p.m. every night we ate dinner and watched Tom Brokaw. I hated it! My dad was always clear that we had to be informed than form our own ideas. Even at a young age I was taught critical thinking. She taught me that just because Tom Brokaw said it doesn't make it so. She taught me common sense when it came to political issues. My mom listened to conservative talk radio nearly every day. I remember being a kid (and teenager) having to listen to talk radio anytime we were in the car between noon and 3 p.m. Again, I HATED it! I was a shallow kid. I believe a foundation was set for me to know the importance of the principles of what has made America. Mom felt a passion for our great Constitution. She was still listening to her talk radio from noon to 3 p.m. as she lay in bed too sick with cancer to get up. Why? Why would she care? She was going to see Jesus face to face soon! Why? She simply loved her country and knew that her loved ones were going to be left here for awhile. She would be so excited to vote for love of country tomorrow.
I know that everyone reading this would not agree with my mom's political stance...or mine, but I want to give her the honor she deserves on this election-eve. So what does this have to do with encouragement? I'll tell you. She encouraged me to be the best I could be. She wanted me to be a critical-thinker over everything not just politics. She taught me how important common sense was. She knew that being wise and discerning was a Biblical trait and stressed to me and Christy how God desired us to ask Him for these traits.
2 Chronicles 1:11-12) God said to Solomon, “Since this is your heart’s desire and you have not asked for wealth, riches or honor, nor for the death of your enemies, and since you have not asked for a long life but for wisdom and knowledge to govern my people over whom I have made you king, therefore wisdom and knowledge will be given you. And I will also give you wealth, riches and honor, such as no king who was before you ever had and none after you will have.”
I would guess that Mom spent our lifetimes praying over Christy and myself. I don't believe she prayed for us to be happy or comfortable. I doubt she prayed that we would have a lot of money or popularity. She knew that the human nature is fickle and what would make us happy one day would change another. She knew money was worthless and popularity could be a curse. She knew that Jesus did not live a comfortable life on this earth. I believe she prayed for us to desire wisdom and to be knowledgeable in the things that matter. She encouraged us to seek His wisdom. America is something that matters and I believe that is why she wanted to be as knowledgeable about the workings of government as possible. I also know she thanked Him endlessly that her girls could grow up somewhere like America.
I feel like I'm rambling a bit and this entry is all connected in my head! I hope you can make some sense out of it in the end. Mom had grit. She helped me to see that there is a great big world out there that does not involve my creature comforts. She never took fondly to shallow or selfish people. She was real. She had a depth of character. She felt things deeply and encouraged me to be the type of person that seeks Godly wisdom and knowledge on the things that matter above all else.
So on this election-eve...think of my mom and think of what matters most in your heart as you go to cast your ballot tomorrow. She was a woman of principle. I encourage you to thank God for the ability we have to vote and seek Him for wisdom as you enter the poll. So here's to Dinah and to the Red, White, and Blue!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
We All Can Encourage
Romans 12:6-8) We have different gifts, according to the grace given to each of us. If your gift is prophesying, then prophesy in accordance with your faith; if it is serving, then serve; if it is teaching, then teach; if it is to encourage, then give encouragement; if it is giving, then give generously; if it is to lead, do it diligently; if it is to show mercy, do it cheerfully.
I don't know exactly how spiritual gifts work, but I do know that they are truly a gift from God. Romans 12:6 says they are. He graces us with His character which manifests in spiritual gifts. Like I said I don't know all there is to know about spiritual gifts, but I do think can people have multiple gifts. I believe we are born with the ability to practice these gifts, but because of the Fall in Eden we are selfish by nature. When we are born again in the Spirit He takes over and controls those gifts and perfects them in us. Gifts may arise that we never knew were there due to our relationship with Jesus Christ deepening. I know that has been true in my own life.
No one gets through this life unscathed. John 16:33 promises we will have trouble in this world. I told my friend yesterday that the trials in life can do one of two things to us. On one hand the trials can make us angry, bitter, foolish, and selfish. On the other hand the trials can make us brave, courageous, bold, and passionate, and selfless. One choice can paralyze us and render us ineffective for Christ. The other choice can put us in a position to refine our gifts and to use them to further God's Kingdom. The choice is ours. In my life I had no idea what my gifts were until I faced some really hard times.
I want to focus on the gift of encouragement right now. I think it is interesting that the Greek translation for the word encourage (exhort) is paracletos (paraclete) which means to call to one's side. I like that. Other definitions of encourage are: to inspire with courage, to stimulate by assistance, build up confidence, or promote. I will tell you about my dear friend at the beginning of this entry. She is just straight up encouraging. It appears to come so easily to her. I hope I have helped her realize God created this ability in her. She is a vessel for His encouragement. Jesus encouraged when He walked this earth and we are called to encourage one another. I will also talk about my dad. He encourages those around him with his wisdom on life.
I said earlier that our life circumstances and trials can either build up our gifts or minimize them. I can think of some people in my life that have used their trials to encourage others. My Dad is perfect example of this. Encouragement can happen in different ways. My dad encouraged me as we journeyed along the path of Mom's decline from cancer. At the time I didn't realize how his encouragement was working. It wasn't obvious, but is now.
1. My dad, Dan. I have gotten to know my dad much more over the last five years. I was always a daddy's girl and very close to my dad, but my mom was the more dominant personality in my life. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with cancer that I really, really got to know my dad as an adult. She was always the social director of the family. She mostly planned what went on. My dad was more the silent force. Anyone that knows him knows he is a man of few words, but his few words are very meaningful and purposeful. My mom's mental capabilities were GREATLY affected by the two large tumors in her head. She could no longer handle the roles she used to carry. Dad took over like any real man would do. He was her liaison. Mom also became very introverted the longer her disease progressed. For any of you that know her you know she is not naturally an introvert! Dad simply handled not only his affairs, but now hers also. He helped plan holiday get-togethers and family camping trips and outings. When I would go to visit them Mom would sleep most of the time so Dad and I just had more time together to banter about life and to contemplate my relationship with Mom that at times was very troubled. We just had more time together because I was no longer going shopping with mom or going to horse shows. We would just sit, watch Eli run around, and chat.
As hard as it was for Christy and I to watch Mom slowly die he watched his life mate truly lose her mind. I don't use that term lightly. The cancer slowly destroyed her mind. Mom would often act irrationally and say hurtful things and Dad always reminded me that it was the cancer. He encouraged me to be patient. Personality wise she was no longer the woman I had known for 31 years. He encouraged me (and Christy) to give her the benefit of the doubt and to remember the battle that was going on physically in her body. This encouragement was incredible. I mentioned earlier that Mom and I had our share of conflict in our relationship especially the last seven years of her life. I remember I had flown home quickly in January after getting word that Mom had a bad seizure and was in the hospital. Dad had been told there was no longer anything the doctors could do for Mom. He was sent home with medication for her to "keep her comfortable." I remember Dad and I sitting and talking one night. He said, "Anna, if there is anything you need to deal with before your mom dies you need to do that." No one knew how long she had left, but Dad's gut said it wasn't long and his wisdom knew once she was gone the dynamic for dealing with issues would be different. I had many things on my heart that I wanted to talk to Mom about, but I knew her mental capacity would not allow us to really dig into some tough issues. I simply had to forgive her for hurts...bottom line and end of story. I had to let it all go. I can never thank him enough for encouraging me to do this. He has also encouraged me to remember the mom I knew before cancer ravaged her body. I love him for this.
True encouragement is not saying what someone wants to hear, but also saying what they need to hear. His encouragement came in practical ways. It came at a time when we were all struggling to handle a horrid situation. He wasn't encouraging me to do the easy things, but the RIGHT things. I believe Biblical encouragement involves building someone up in Christ. It is encouraging them to reach beyond themselves and match their actions with Christ's actions. It is building up their confidence to be more than they thought they could be or to help hold on to hope when they are out of strength.
I have a dear friend that is extraordinary at encouragement. Through some very difficult times she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders behind my husband, dad, and sister. The best part about her is that you know she is being sincere. She's not just saying things she thinks you want to hear...she means what she says. She truly has brought me out of rotten moods. Dave is my biggest fan, but he can't fill every role to me. Sometimes a girl needs another girl, ya know?!
I'll shortly explain how she encourages me in ways completely different than my dad did in the case of losing my mom. I see her basically every day because we are both gym rats. She is one of those people that when she asks how you are doing she really wants to know. I know! How crazy is that?! She encourages me daily to be honest with her about how I'm feeling so we can deal with it...together. She also knows when I'm not being honest! As you know I have some serious hormone issues (that are improving by the way!) which can wreak havoc on essentially every aspect of my life. I know I'm safe to tell her the truth. She always calls me to her side so we can bear the burden together. When I feel emotional she helps talk through the situation in practical terms. She is such a positive influence on my life. She truly has a special gift from the Lord.
Stay tuned for the next entry to read more about how people I know are following Jesus' example and are practicing the gift of encouragement. My goal is at the end you will see how all of us can reach out to another soul and offer a helping hand, a kind word, and inspiration to become more than we thought we could be. No matter our trial or our walk of life we can help carry another's burden.
I don't know exactly how spiritual gifts work, but I do know that they are truly a gift from God. Romans 12:6 says they are. He graces us with His character which manifests in spiritual gifts. Like I said I don't know all there is to know about spiritual gifts, but I do think can people have multiple gifts. I believe we are born with the ability to practice these gifts, but because of the Fall in Eden we are selfish by nature. When we are born again in the Spirit He takes over and controls those gifts and perfects them in us. Gifts may arise that we never knew were there due to our relationship with Jesus Christ deepening. I know that has been true in my own life.
No one gets through this life unscathed. John 16:33 promises we will have trouble in this world. I told my friend yesterday that the trials in life can do one of two things to us. On one hand the trials can make us angry, bitter, foolish, and selfish. On the other hand the trials can make us brave, courageous, bold, and passionate, and selfless. One choice can paralyze us and render us ineffective for Christ. The other choice can put us in a position to refine our gifts and to use them to further God's Kingdom. The choice is ours. In my life I had no idea what my gifts were until I faced some really hard times.
I want to focus on the gift of encouragement right now. I think it is interesting that the Greek translation for the word encourage (exhort) is paracletos (paraclete) which means to call to one's side. I like that. Other definitions of encourage are: to inspire with courage, to stimulate by assistance, build up confidence, or promote. I will tell you about my dear friend at the beginning of this entry. She is just straight up encouraging. It appears to come so easily to her. I hope I have helped her realize God created this ability in her. She is a vessel for His encouragement. Jesus encouraged when He walked this earth and we are called to encourage one another. I will also talk about my dad. He encourages those around him with his wisdom on life.
I said earlier that our life circumstances and trials can either build up our gifts or minimize them. I can think of some people in my life that have used their trials to encourage others. My Dad is perfect example of this. Encouragement can happen in different ways. My dad encouraged me as we journeyed along the path of Mom's decline from cancer. At the time I didn't realize how his encouragement was working. It wasn't obvious, but is now.
1. My dad, Dan. I have gotten to know my dad much more over the last five years. I was always a daddy's girl and very close to my dad, but my mom was the more dominant personality in my life. It wasn't until my mom was diagnosed with cancer that I really, really got to know my dad as an adult. She was always the social director of the family. She mostly planned what went on. My dad was more the silent force. Anyone that knows him knows he is a man of few words, but his few words are very meaningful and purposeful. My mom's mental capabilities were GREATLY affected by the two large tumors in her head. She could no longer handle the roles she used to carry. Dad took over like any real man would do. He was her liaison. Mom also became very introverted the longer her disease progressed. For any of you that know her you know she is not naturally an introvert! Dad simply handled not only his affairs, but now hers also. He helped plan holiday get-togethers and family camping trips and outings. When I would go to visit them Mom would sleep most of the time so Dad and I just had more time together to banter about life and to contemplate my relationship with Mom that at times was very troubled. We just had more time together because I was no longer going shopping with mom or going to horse shows. We would just sit, watch Eli run around, and chat.
As hard as it was for Christy and I to watch Mom slowly die he watched his life mate truly lose her mind. I don't use that term lightly. The cancer slowly destroyed her mind. Mom would often act irrationally and say hurtful things and Dad always reminded me that it was the cancer. He encouraged me to be patient. Personality wise she was no longer the woman I had known for 31 years. He encouraged me (and Christy) to give her the benefit of the doubt and to remember the battle that was going on physically in her body. This encouragement was incredible. I mentioned earlier that Mom and I had our share of conflict in our relationship especially the last seven years of her life. I remember I had flown home quickly in January after getting word that Mom had a bad seizure and was in the hospital. Dad had been told there was no longer anything the doctors could do for Mom. He was sent home with medication for her to "keep her comfortable." I remember Dad and I sitting and talking one night. He said, "Anna, if there is anything you need to deal with before your mom dies you need to do that." No one knew how long she had left, but Dad's gut said it wasn't long and his wisdom knew once she was gone the dynamic for dealing with issues would be different. I had many things on my heart that I wanted to talk to Mom about, but I knew her mental capacity would not allow us to really dig into some tough issues. I simply had to forgive her for hurts...bottom line and end of story. I had to let it all go. I can never thank him enough for encouraging me to do this. He has also encouraged me to remember the mom I knew before cancer ravaged her body. I love him for this.
True encouragement is not saying what someone wants to hear, but also saying what they need to hear. His encouragement came in practical ways. It came at a time when we were all struggling to handle a horrid situation. He wasn't encouraging me to do the easy things, but the RIGHT things. I believe Biblical encouragement involves building someone up in Christ. It is encouraging them to reach beyond themselves and match their actions with Christ's actions. It is building up their confidence to be more than they thought they could be or to help hold on to hope when they are out of strength.
I have a dear friend that is extraordinary at encouragement. Through some very difficult times she has been one of my biggest cheerleaders behind my husband, dad, and sister. The best part about her is that you know she is being sincere. She's not just saying things she thinks you want to hear...she means what she says. She truly has brought me out of rotten moods. Dave is my biggest fan, but he can't fill every role to me. Sometimes a girl needs another girl, ya know?!
I'll shortly explain how she encourages me in ways completely different than my dad did in the case of losing my mom. I see her basically every day because we are both gym rats. She is one of those people that when she asks how you are doing she really wants to know. I know! How crazy is that?! She encourages me daily to be honest with her about how I'm feeling so we can deal with it...together. She also knows when I'm not being honest! As you know I have some serious hormone issues (that are improving by the way!) which can wreak havoc on essentially every aspect of my life. I know I'm safe to tell her the truth. She always calls me to her side so we can bear the burden together. When I feel emotional she helps talk through the situation in practical terms. She is such a positive influence on my life. She truly has a special gift from the Lord.
Stay tuned for the next entry to read more about how people I know are following Jesus' example and are practicing the gift of encouragement. My goal is at the end you will see how all of us can reach out to another soul and offer a helping hand, a kind word, and inspiration to become more than we thought we could be. No matter our trial or our walk of life we can help carry another's burden.
Thursday, October 4, 2012
It Really Isn't Too Hard!
The study guide that I have worked though the last 3-1/2 months has been outstanding. If you have not read Battlefield of the Mind by Joyce Meyer I highly recommend it. I read it a few years ago, but think one could/should read it once a year. The companion guide is also outstanding!
Deuteronomy 30:11) His commandments (obeying) are not too difficult. It is withing my reach.
"Dear God, it's me Anna. I would like to ask for unending blessings today. If something difficult does come up please remove the trial immediately so I will not be inconvenienced in the least bit. Oh and about this other thing that I'm dealing with that I don't like...can you please take it way like yesterday? Everyone else has it waaaaay easier than I do. I've pretty much learned everything there is to learn from this. It's just really hard to do the right thing and turn my pain into positivity so please make it all easy. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
Okay, maybe I have never said those exact words in a prayer before, but I have wanted to. I have thought them and prayed them in a roundabout sort of way. I for sure would prefer an easy path. Sometimes it all seems so difficult. Here is HUGE lie that Satan places before me. I think I have it the hardest and everyone else has it much, much easier than I. Why is everything so hard for me I ask Him. Following and obeying God is hard. Anything worth anything IS hard. I have been guilty at declaring spiritual warfare when times are tough or God's promises are delayed. The Bible says spiritual warfare is real. Read Ephesians! God also shuts doors in front of us. This is true. In my frustration I have cried "spiritual warfare" and have been certain God has told me no. Well you know what? Life is hard. Followers of Christ lose jobs, get cancer, have health problems, lose children, get the short end of the stick, get lied about, abused, killed, martyred, etc. The list is endless (and scary). While we know the battle between good and evil is raging in the unseen, God does allow His children to endure hardships in this life.
John 16:33) I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!
Here is the same verse from the Amplified Bible. It's great!
John 16:33) I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]
Dave works for Procter and Gamble as most of you know. As an outsider I get a kick out of hearing all their acronyms and types of words they use and how. Part of Dave's job involves reviewing the job performance of others. He makes their "opportunities" known to them so they can grow in their job and become a better part of the P&G team. An opportunity in an area that needs work. I have many opportunities! Using this words sets a positive tone. Going through hardships gives us opportunity for growth and John 16:33 promises we can take heart because has overcome evil. It usually doesn't seem like it especially when we are in the deep, dark woods.
Back to my original point about living an obedient life. It is hard. So how does this play into recognizing our opportunities? The first verse I listed out is from Deuteronomy. I am reminded how relevant the Old Testament really is. This verse is assuring us that obedience is possible. It is possible to take our pain, frustration, depression, discouragement, etc. and let God shape it into something that brings glory to God and furthers His Kingdom. He desires us to count it joy that we have hardships. Looking for the opportunity in our pain is Biblical and Deuteronomy 30:11 says it is possible. Genesis 50:20 is one of my favorite verses. Joseph's story has inspired me greatly time and time again. God can take painful circumstances and turn them into something beautiful.
Genesis 50:20) You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
I enjoy reading work by Pastor Adrian Rogers. He uses the term "navel gazing." It means to look down at our navel while we are going through hard times. We ask why me, why now, when will this be over for me, everyone has it better than I do, what did I do to cause this, why doesn't God love me, etc. I am challenged to take my eyes off my own navel and look outward. How can I obey God in the midst of this? Who opportunities does God have for me that I can pass on to others? How can I really burn Satan by glorifying the Lord through this? While praying for spiritual protection is Biblical and important let's not always assume every hardship is warfare. God may be allowing it to do a greater work in me and in turn whose lives cross my path.
Romans 5:3-5) Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
Deuteronomy 30:11) His commandments (obeying) are not too difficult. It is withing my reach.
"Dear God, it's me Anna. I would like to ask for unending blessings today. If something difficult does come up please remove the trial immediately so I will not be inconvenienced in the least bit. Oh and about this other thing that I'm dealing with that I don't like...can you please take it way like yesterday? Everyone else has it waaaaay easier than I do. I've pretty much learned everything there is to learn from this. It's just really hard to do the right thing and turn my pain into positivity so please make it all easy. In Jesus' Name, Amen."
Okay, maybe I have never said those exact words in a prayer before, but I have wanted to. I have thought them and prayed them in a roundabout sort of way. I for sure would prefer an easy path. Sometimes it all seems so difficult. Here is HUGE lie that Satan places before me. I think I have it the hardest and everyone else has it much, much easier than I. Why is everything so hard for me I ask Him. Following and obeying God is hard. Anything worth anything IS hard. I have been guilty at declaring spiritual warfare when times are tough or God's promises are delayed. The Bible says spiritual warfare is real. Read Ephesians! God also shuts doors in front of us. This is true. In my frustration I have cried "spiritual warfare" and have been certain God has told me no. Well you know what? Life is hard. Followers of Christ lose jobs, get cancer, have health problems, lose children, get the short end of the stick, get lied about, abused, killed, martyred, etc. The list is endless (and scary). While we know the battle between good and evil is raging in the unseen, God does allow His children to endure hardships in this life.
John 16:33) I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world!
Here is the same verse from the Amplified Bible. It's great!
John 16:33) I have told you these things, so that in Me you may have [perfect] peace and confidence. In the world you have tribulation and trials and distress and frustration; but be of good cheer [take courage; be confident, certain, undaunted]! For I have overcome the world. [I have deprived it of power to harm you and have conquered it for you.]
Dave works for Procter and Gamble as most of you know. As an outsider I get a kick out of hearing all their acronyms and types of words they use and how. Part of Dave's job involves reviewing the job performance of others. He makes their "opportunities" known to them so they can grow in their job and become a better part of the P&G team. An opportunity in an area that needs work. I have many opportunities! Using this words sets a positive tone. Going through hardships gives us opportunity for growth and John 16:33 promises we can take heart because has overcome evil. It usually doesn't seem like it especially when we are in the deep, dark woods.
Back to my original point about living an obedient life. It is hard. So how does this play into recognizing our opportunities? The first verse I listed out is from Deuteronomy. I am reminded how relevant the Old Testament really is. This verse is assuring us that obedience is possible. It is possible to take our pain, frustration, depression, discouragement, etc. and let God shape it into something that brings glory to God and furthers His Kingdom. He desires us to count it joy that we have hardships. Looking for the opportunity in our pain is Biblical and Deuteronomy 30:11 says it is possible. Genesis 50:20 is one of my favorite verses. Joseph's story has inspired me greatly time and time again. God can take painful circumstances and turn them into something beautiful.
Genesis 50:20) You intended to harm me, but God intended it for good to accomplish what is now being done, the saving of many lives.
I enjoy reading work by Pastor Adrian Rogers. He uses the term "navel gazing." It means to look down at our navel while we are going through hard times. We ask why me, why now, when will this be over for me, everyone has it better than I do, what did I do to cause this, why doesn't God love me, etc. I am challenged to take my eyes off my own navel and look outward. How can I obey God in the midst of this? Who opportunities does God have for me that I can pass on to others? How can I really burn Satan by glorifying the Lord through this? While praying for spiritual protection is Biblical and important let's not always assume every hardship is warfare. God may be allowing it to do a greater work in me and in turn whose lives cross my path.
Romans 5:3-5) Moreover [let us also be full of joy now!] let us exult and triumph in our troubles and rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that pressure and affliction and hardship produce patient and unswerving endurance. And endurance (fortitude) develops maturity of character (approved faith and tried integrity). And character [of this sort] produces [the habit of] joyful and confident hope of eternal salvation. Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.
Monday, September 17, 2012
All in a Day's Run
Romans 8:6-9) The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.
I am on Day 86 of my Joyce Meyer devotional book. It's been great and I only have 14 days left. I wonder what God will lead me? Joyce says that walking in the Spirit is going with God's flow. We have all heard the saying "go with the flow." She stresses we must go with God's flow. I like that idea. Going with His flow is walking in the Spirit which means we are thinking and acting in a manner that is pleasing to God, trusting Him for each step. One way I can easily evaluate where I am at with this is to look truthfully at my thought life.
Am I choosing to think the best of people? Even politicians whom I adamantly disagree with for example? Am I choosing optimistic thoughts in regards to myself and my own struggles? Even as I write this I realize I have some work to do (especially on the second one!:-)).
I can think of a time recently when I actually did have the mind of Christ and going with God's flow. It isn't something that comes natural because we are human. It is something we must fight to have! It was this past Saturday actually. Those of you who know me know that I am an avid runner and have been for many years. I am guilty of overdoing it in a big way at times. People often ask if I'm training for something. When I say no they look at me strangely! A few of my symptoms from my hormonal imbalances have become even more problematic over the last year or so. They have made running and exercise extremely difficult. These two things have been a huge part of my life so it's quite upsetting when I can't do the things I used to be able to do. What was once easy has become very, very hard.
Saturday I woke up and had a thought. I would face a once-easy running workout head on. I looked at my old running logs on MapMyRun on my Iphone and became angry. I could not believe the times I had been logging previously and now can't. Being my extremely determined self I decided I was going to do a similar workout and give it all I had. It was very early in the morning so I left Dave a note that I would be back later.
This was without a doubt THEE hardest run of my entire life. My lungs felt like they were bleeding and every muscle in my body screamed for me to stop. They obviously don't know me! I refused to allow myself to stop. I ran with no headphones and only concerned myself with the voice on my app telling me my mileage and pace. I got angry at this run. All I heard was my breathing, the pounding of my feet, and the voice.
As I pushed on I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't the fact that a run I have done 1,000 times was unbearably hard or the anger over the medical mistreatment I have received. It was not frustration at God or the resentment at a body that just doesn't work right, it was an overwhelming thankfulness to my God for allowing me to go through what I have for the last six plus years. I am so incredibly grateful for Him allowing each tear and sorrow. He loved me enough to not leave me like I was...a spoiled, immature Christian. I am so thankful He has taught me huge, big lessons and small, seemingly unimportant lessons. I appreciate so much more now. I see life as more than selfish ambition.
All of this flooded every inch of me as my feet pounded the pavement. Running has meant different thing to me at different times in my life. It has meant a way to fit into my favorite pair of Lucky jeans. It has enabled me to eat a second scoop of ice cream or to relieve stress. It has been a social outlet with my friends and I. It has meant challenging myself physically in ways I never thought possible. This day it was to give glory to God.
Over the last nine months to a year I have not been able to sing in church. It is like I have no emotion, nothing left. After my mom passed away I cried during worship at church. Like clock work the music would start and my tears flowed. More recently it has felt like I have been out of tears. Funny thing, when I run I need my praise and worship music (or my BFF Kristin to talk to). When I run my soul can worship through the music. Exerting myself with a nice, hard run strips me of me. It makes my insides raw and releases something powerful within me. I remember a run in particular. My mom was on her deathbed and I had a flight scheduled for about noon back to Ohio. I had nervous energy and time to kill so I went running on the treadmill at the gym. I ran 12 miles on a treadmill...isn't that the craziest thing?! I immediately drove to the airport and boarded a plane. When Eli and I arrived at our destination I could hardly stand up because my muscles were so tight and sore! That still makes me laugh!
So back to my run yesterday...as I finished "the hardest run known to mankind" God whispered another thought to me. He has allowed me to be torn down over the last six years. I truly am a different person now. I feel like I was stripped of everything I thought was important. I am not being rebuilt though. He is not rebuilding the same person I was. He is rebuilding a new Anna. My appointment with Dr. Vliet set the tone for a newness. God used her to began a new plan for me. He is building me into the woman He designed me to be before I was even a glimmer in my father's eye.
If I had shied away from facing this challenge head on I would not have been blessed with this divine experience. I fully understood after my run finished that I had the mind of Christ and I was going with His flow during this hour because of this I did I experienced tremendous closeness with my heavenly Father. God lifted me towards heaven. Had I had a fleshly mind at this time I would have been mad as a hornet (been there done that too many times to count) during and after my run. My mood would have been just plain foul. I would have dwelt on all the reasons this run stunk. What I used to be able to do and now can't. I would have wanted to find the doctors that messed me up and smack the crap out of them. No! Instead I had an appointment with God, up close and personal.
In closing we must continue to fight the battle against our flesh. It robs us of joy, a joy that is sustainable during difficult times. I am not better than you...I am not holier. I struggle with all the same things. What I learned during this workout was that there is a stark contrast between the mind of Christ and that of the flesh (human nature). I literally experienced it. After I realized how thankful I was for the misery I've experienced I said this to myself as I ran, "whoa Anna...that was NOT you!" I laughed to myself! The mind of the flesh mentioned in the opening verses refers to our human sense and reason without the Holy Spirit. These are those carnal thoughts and purposes. Walking in the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to lead us solely. We are to think and act in a Godly manner. As hard as it is it is possible to retrain our minds to think differently. We just have to stay on top of the war that rages for our minds.
I am on Day 86 of my Joyce Meyer devotional book. It's been great and I only have 14 days left. I wonder what God will lead me? Joyce says that walking in the Spirit is going with God's flow. We have all heard the saying "go with the flow." She stresses we must go with God's flow. I like that idea. Going with His flow is walking in the Spirit which means we are thinking and acting in a manner that is pleasing to God, trusting Him for each step. One way I can easily evaluate where I am at with this is to look truthfully at my thought life.
Am I choosing to think the best of people? Even politicians whom I adamantly disagree with for example? Am I choosing optimistic thoughts in regards to myself and my own struggles? Even as I write this I realize I have some work to do (especially on the second one!:-)).
I can think of a time recently when I actually did have the mind of Christ and going with God's flow. It isn't something that comes natural because we are human. It is something we must fight to have! It was this past Saturday actually. Those of you who know me know that I am an avid runner and have been for many years. I am guilty of overdoing it in a big way at times. People often ask if I'm training for something. When I say no they look at me strangely! A few of my symptoms from my hormonal imbalances have become even more problematic over the last year or so. They have made running and exercise extremely difficult. These two things have been a huge part of my life so it's quite upsetting when I can't do the things I used to be able to do. What was once easy has become very, very hard.
Saturday I woke up and had a thought. I would face a once-easy running workout head on. I looked at my old running logs on MapMyRun on my Iphone and became angry. I could not believe the times I had been logging previously and now can't. Being my extremely determined self I decided I was going to do a similar workout and give it all I had. It was very early in the morning so I left Dave a note that I would be back later.
This was without a doubt THEE hardest run of my entire life. My lungs felt like they were bleeding and every muscle in my body screamed for me to stop. They obviously don't know me! I refused to allow myself to stop. I ran with no headphones and only concerned myself with the voice on my app telling me my mileage and pace. I got angry at this run. All I heard was my breathing, the pounding of my feet, and the voice.
As I pushed on I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't the fact that a run I have done 1,000 times was unbearably hard or the anger over the medical mistreatment I have received. It was not frustration at God or the resentment at a body that just doesn't work right, it was an overwhelming thankfulness to my God for allowing me to go through what I have for the last six plus years. I am so incredibly grateful for Him allowing each tear and sorrow. He loved me enough to not leave me like I was...a spoiled, immature Christian. I am so thankful He has taught me huge, big lessons and small, seemingly unimportant lessons. I appreciate so much more now. I see life as more than selfish ambition.
All of this flooded every inch of me as my feet pounded the pavement. Running has meant different thing to me at different times in my life. It has meant a way to fit into my favorite pair of Lucky jeans. It has enabled me to eat a second scoop of ice cream or to relieve stress. It has been a social outlet with my friends and I. It has meant challenging myself physically in ways I never thought possible. This day it was to give glory to God.
Over the last nine months to a year I have not been able to sing in church. It is like I have no emotion, nothing left. After my mom passed away I cried during worship at church. Like clock work the music would start and my tears flowed. More recently it has felt like I have been out of tears. Funny thing, when I run I need my praise and worship music (or my BFF Kristin to talk to). When I run my soul can worship through the music. Exerting myself with a nice, hard run strips me of me. It makes my insides raw and releases something powerful within me. I remember a run in particular. My mom was on her deathbed and I had a flight scheduled for about noon back to Ohio. I had nervous energy and time to kill so I went running on the treadmill at the gym. I ran 12 miles on a treadmill...isn't that the craziest thing?! I immediately drove to the airport and boarded a plane. When Eli and I arrived at our destination I could hardly stand up because my muscles were so tight and sore! That still makes me laugh!
So back to my run yesterday...as I finished "the hardest run known to mankind" God whispered another thought to me. He has allowed me to be torn down over the last six years. I truly am a different person now. I feel like I was stripped of everything I thought was important. I am not being rebuilt though. He is not rebuilding the same person I was. He is rebuilding a new Anna. My appointment with Dr. Vliet set the tone for a newness. God used her to began a new plan for me. He is building me into the woman He designed me to be before I was even a glimmer in my father's eye.
If I had shied away from facing this challenge head on I would not have been blessed with this divine experience. I fully understood after my run finished that I had the mind of Christ and I was going with His flow during this hour because of this I did I experienced tremendous closeness with my heavenly Father. God lifted me towards heaven. Had I had a fleshly mind at this time I would have been mad as a hornet (been there done that too many times to count) during and after my run. My mood would have been just plain foul. I would have dwelt on all the reasons this run stunk. What I used to be able to do and now can't. I would have wanted to find the doctors that messed me up and smack the crap out of them. No! Instead I had an appointment with God, up close and personal.
In closing we must continue to fight the battle against our flesh. It robs us of joy, a joy that is sustainable during difficult times. I am not better than you...I am not holier. I struggle with all the same things. What I learned during this workout was that there is a stark contrast between the mind of Christ and that of the flesh (human nature). I literally experienced it. After I realized how thankful I was for the misery I've experienced I said this to myself as I ran, "whoa Anna...that was NOT you!" I laughed to myself! The mind of the flesh mentioned in the opening verses refers to our human sense and reason without the Holy Spirit. These are those carnal thoughts and purposes. Walking in the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to lead us solely. We are to think and act in a Godly manner. As hard as it is it is possible to retrain our minds to think differently. We just have to stay on top of the war that rages for our minds.
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Gift
Hi everyone! I apologize for the time in between blog entries. The topic for today's entry has been brewing for about a week now.
Dave and I had a big Labor Day weekend. We traveled to Tucson Arizona to see a new doctor. I had mentioned it in a previous blog. The appointment had been scheduled since July 5th so we had been anticipating the trip for nearly two months. During those two months I literally felt like I had a war going on inside me. The Bible is clear on spiritual warfare and the existence of it. Ephesians 6 is the chapter that dives into the whole concept of the war that is being waged against us believers. I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder saying, "this appointment will be a waste. You are spending all this money and for what? NOTHING. The doctor won't be helpful and will send you away with no hope." The angel on my other shoulder assured me this was going to be good. No, not just good...incredible. The angel was puffed up with so much hope. The devil was slumped over defeated. I stuck close to God during this time. If you read my last entry you know where my happy place is and believe me, I spent a great deal of time bowed before His throne just wanting to be near Him.
We left Thursday at 4 a.m. for the airport in Atlanta. Actually I had been awake since 1:45 a.m. because I couldn't sleep. I felt so many emotions. I felt excited, nervous, hopeful, terrified...the list goes on. Dr. Vliet uses the term "petrified excitement" in one of her books and that is exactly how I felt. We had a direct flight into Phoenix as to not risk any delays on connecting flights. We arrived on time into Phoenix and then headed for Tucson. On a side note, the desert is completely weird. Neither of us had been there before and were fascinated with all the "brown-ness." I do think cacti are just the most interesting things! We had time to takes showers and rest a bit before heading to my appointment.
When I head Dr. Vliet's voice coming from her office I immediately felt a sense of calmness. She had done a series of radio shows on the topic of hormonal imbalances a few years back. I came across them in June and listened to them all. Actually, I listened to some more than once and even more than five times. In each one she was talking about me. They gave me such hope. So hearing this radio voice gave me a sense of belonging. She also had a beautiful picture hanging on the wall of the waiting area. It was a piece of calligraphy art. It spoke to my soul. Dave took notice of the book sitting on the table that she authored years back. The title? It's My Ovaries, Stupid! Back to the art. I bet your curious as to what it said, huh?! Well, read below!
Hebrews 13:2) Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.
Before it was my appointment time Dr. Vliet came out and introduced herself. I had included practically a book of information for her and she thanked me for sending it. I had also included a personal letter and in it I shared how Romans 8:28 was my peace. If your not familiar with that verse you can read it below. I felt such peace when I knew she took the time to read my information and that she clings to Romans 8:28 personally too. She said it was her favorite Bible verse too and she had a version of calligraphy art at home with that verse written out. Dave looked at me and simply smiled.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
It was our time to meet with Dr. Vliet. My hands were sweating and I could feel my heart speed up. Why was I so nervous for this appointment you might ask. The main reasons follow: 1. we traveled across the entire country to see her, 2. I have not had good experiences with doctors, and 3. I so desperately wanted help (and hope). I won't go into all the details, but I will say this. It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE experience. Actually there are not enough adjectives to describe the appointment and Dr. Vliet. She and I were kindred spirits and there was truly a bond formed in the midst of the appointment. I knew I would be asked to start at square one. You know, start from the beginning. I dreaded this because it is just painful and I have done it with many doctors to no avail. It felt different when Dr. Vliet asked because I could sense her spirit. I could see if her eyes she truly cared about my words and listened. She wrote a book that I read titled, Screaming to be Heard: Hormone Connections Women Suspect and Doctors Still Ignore. I have screamed to be heard for years and now someone is hearing me...and cares. She talked to Dave and I for nearly 3-1/2 hours. I was not forced to share eight years of information in a seven minute block of time.
I told my friends I feel like the Titanic is beginning to turn another direction. Dr. Vliet did not have a magical quick-fix, but what she did offer was solid and sound knowledge that was backed by years of experience and by dependable studies on hormone care. She (and her staff) quickly became family. At the end of the appointment I gave her the biggest hug ever. Dave and I went to dinner afterwards and talked about all the helpful things Dr. Vliet said. I think we were both overwhelmed with information and needed time for it to soak in. I was so glad Dave was there with me. My journey has affected him greatly and in ways that are personal just to him.
So how does the title of my blog entry come into play? God simply gave us a gift. Satan was quick to try and spoil it though. What if she's wrong? What if Dr. Vliet still can't help you? What if this appointment wouldn't have turned out good? If your faith was sooooooo great than you would be happy regardless? What if God hadn't done with for you? For a few minutes I started to ponder those points. Well, what if He hadn't allowed this appointment to exceed my expectations? Then it hit me...this was a gift pure and simple. I don't know why God allowed it to go so well (beyond well). Why does He allow me to get Christmas gifts? Why did He provide such an amazing husband for me? A healthy child? My salvation? God taught me something rather quickly as I was thinking about these things. He told me He gave me a gift. I didn't deserve it just like I don't deserve His salvation. He also shared with me that He has some B-I-G plans for me in regards to this appointment and my relationship with Dr. Vliet. He told me to just say "thank You." As I began the healing process I have decided that my actions speak louder than my words. While God wants our mouths to say "thank you" He also wants our actions to say it as well. So stay tuned...the journey continues.
Ephesians 3:20) Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Psalm 30:11-12) You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
Dave and I had a big Labor Day weekend. We traveled to Tucson Arizona to see a new doctor. I had mentioned it in a previous blog. The appointment had been scheduled since July 5th so we had been anticipating the trip for nearly two months. During those two months I literally felt like I had a war going on inside me. The Bible is clear on spiritual warfare and the existence of it. Ephesians 6 is the chapter that dives into the whole concept of the war that is being waged against us believers. I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder saying, "this appointment will be a waste. You are spending all this money and for what? NOTHING. The doctor won't be helpful and will send you away with no hope." The angel on my other shoulder assured me this was going to be good. No, not just good...incredible. The angel was puffed up with so much hope. The devil was slumped over defeated. I stuck close to God during this time. If you read my last entry you know where my happy place is and believe me, I spent a great deal of time bowed before His throne just wanting to be near Him.
We left Thursday at 4 a.m. for the airport in Atlanta. Actually I had been awake since 1:45 a.m. because I couldn't sleep. I felt so many emotions. I felt excited, nervous, hopeful, terrified...the list goes on. Dr. Vliet uses the term "petrified excitement" in one of her books and that is exactly how I felt. We had a direct flight into Phoenix as to not risk any delays on connecting flights. We arrived on time into Phoenix and then headed for Tucson. On a side note, the desert is completely weird. Neither of us had been there before and were fascinated with all the "brown-ness." I do think cacti are just the most interesting things! We had time to takes showers and rest a bit before heading to my appointment.
When I head Dr. Vliet's voice coming from her office I immediately felt a sense of calmness. She had done a series of radio shows on the topic of hormonal imbalances a few years back. I came across them in June and listened to them all. Actually, I listened to some more than once and even more than five times. In each one she was talking about me. They gave me such hope. So hearing this radio voice gave me a sense of belonging. She also had a beautiful picture hanging on the wall of the waiting area. It was a piece of calligraphy art. It spoke to my soul. Dave took notice of the book sitting on the table that she authored years back. The title? It's My Ovaries, Stupid! Back to the art. I bet your curious as to what it said, huh?! Well, read below!
Hebrews 13:2) Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.
Before it was my appointment time Dr. Vliet came out and introduced herself. I had included practically a book of information for her and she thanked me for sending it. I had also included a personal letter and in it I shared how Romans 8:28 was my peace. If your not familiar with that verse you can read it below. I felt such peace when I knew she took the time to read my information and that she clings to Romans 8:28 personally too. She said it was her favorite Bible verse too and she had a version of calligraphy art at home with that verse written out. Dave looked at me and simply smiled.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
It was our time to meet with Dr. Vliet. My hands were sweating and I could feel my heart speed up. Why was I so nervous for this appointment you might ask. The main reasons follow: 1. we traveled across the entire country to see her, 2. I have not had good experiences with doctors, and 3. I so desperately wanted help (and hope). I won't go into all the details, but I will say this. It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE experience. Actually there are not enough adjectives to describe the appointment and Dr. Vliet. She and I were kindred spirits and there was truly a bond formed in the midst of the appointment. I knew I would be asked to start at square one. You know, start from the beginning. I dreaded this because it is just painful and I have done it with many doctors to no avail. It felt different when Dr. Vliet asked because I could sense her spirit. I could see if her eyes she truly cared about my words and listened. She wrote a book that I read titled, Screaming to be Heard: Hormone Connections Women Suspect and Doctors Still Ignore. I have screamed to be heard for years and now someone is hearing me...and cares. She talked to Dave and I for nearly 3-1/2 hours. I was not forced to share eight years of information in a seven minute block of time.
I told my friends I feel like the Titanic is beginning to turn another direction. Dr. Vliet did not have a magical quick-fix, but what she did offer was solid and sound knowledge that was backed by years of experience and by dependable studies on hormone care. She (and her staff) quickly became family. At the end of the appointment I gave her the biggest hug ever. Dave and I went to dinner afterwards and talked about all the helpful things Dr. Vliet said. I think we were both overwhelmed with information and needed time for it to soak in. I was so glad Dave was there with me. My journey has affected him greatly and in ways that are personal just to him.
So how does the title of my blog entry come into play? God simply gave us a gift. Satan was quick to try and spoil it though. What if she's wrong? What if Dr. Vliet still can't help you? What if this appointment wouldn't have turned out good? If your faith was sooooooo great than you would be happy regardless? What if God hadn't done with for you? For a few minutes I started to ponder those points. Well, what if He hadn't allowed this appointment to exceed my expectations? Then it hit me...this was a gift pure and simple. I don't know why God allowed it to go so well (beyond well). Why does He allow me to get Christmas gifts? Why did He provide such an amazing husband for me? A healthy child? My salvation? God taught me something rather quickly as I was thinking about these things. He told me He gave me a gift. I didn't deserve it just like I don't deserve His salvation. He also shared with me that He has some B-I-G plans for me in regards to this appointment and my relationship with Dr. Vliet. He told me to just say "thank You." As I began the healing process I have decided that my actions speak louder than my words. While God wants our mouths to say "thank you" He also wants our actions to say it as well. So stay tuned...the journey continues.
Ephesians 3:20) Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Psalm 30:11-12) You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
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