The Gift

Hi everyone!  I apologize for the time in between blog entries.  The topic for today's entry has been brewing for about a week now. 

Dave and I had a big Labor Day weekend.  We traveled to Tucson Arizona to see a new doctor.  I had mentioned it in a previous blog.  The appointment had been scheduled since July 5th so we had been anticipating the trip for nearly two months.  During those two months I literally felt like I had a war going on inside me.  The Bible is clear on spiritual warfare and the existence of it.  Ephesians 6 is the chapter that dives into the whole concept of the war that is being waged against us believers.  I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder saying, "this appointment will be a waste.  You are spending all this money and for what?  NOTHING.  The doctor won't be helpful and will send you away with no hope."  The angel on my other shoulder assured me this was going to be good.  No,  not just good...incredible.  The angel was puffed up with so much hope.  The devil was slumped over defeated.  I stuck close to God during this time.  If you read my last entry you know where my happy place is and believe me, I spent a great deal of time bowed before His throne just wanting to be near Him.

We left Thursday at 4 a.m. for the airport in Atlanta.  Actually I had been awake since 1:45 a.m. because I couldn't sleep.  I felt so many emotions.  I felt excited, nervous, hopeful, terrified...the list goes on.  Dr. Vliet uses the term "petrified excitement" in one of her books and that is exactly how I felt.  We had a direct flight into Phoenix as to not risk any delays on connecting flights.  We arrived on time into Phoenix and then headed for Tucson.  On a side note, the desert is completely weird.  Neither of us had been there before and were fascinated with all the "brown-ness."  I do think cacti are just the most interesting things!  We had time to takes showers and rest a bit before heading to my appointment. 

When I head Dr. Vliet's voice coming from her office I immediately felt a sense of calmness.  She had done a series of radio shows on the topic of hormonal imbalances a few years back.  I came across them in June and listened to them all.  Actually, I listened to some more than once and even more than five times.  In each one she was talking about me.  They gave me such hope.  So hearing this radio voice gave me a sense of belonging.  She also had a beautiful picture hanging on the wall of the waiting area.  It was a piece of calligraphy art.  It spoke to my soul.  Dave took notice of the book sitting on the table that she authored years back.  The title?  It's My Ovaries, Stupid!  Back to the art.  I bet your curious as to what it said, huh?!  Well, read below!

Hebrews 13:2)  Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.

Before it was my appointment time Dr. Vliet came out and introduced herself.  I had included practically a book of information for her and she thanked me for sending it.  I had also included a personal letter and in it I shared how Romans 8:28 was my peace.  If your not familiar with that verse you can read it below.  I felt such peace when I knew she took the time to read my information and that she clings to Romans 8:28 personally too.  She said it was her favorite Bible verse too and she had a version of calligraphy art at home with that verse written out.  Dave looked at me and simply smiled.

Romans 8:28)  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose

It was our time to meet with Dr. Vliet.  My hands were sweating and I could feel my heart speed up.  Why was I so nervous for this appointment you might ask.  The main reasons follow:  1. we traveled across the entire country to see her, 2. I have not had good experiences with doctors, and 3. I so desperately wanted help (and hope).  I won't go into all the details, but I will say this.  It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE experience.  Actually there are not enough adjectives to describe the appointment and Dr. Vliet.  She and I were kindred spirits and there was truly a bond formed in the midst of the appointment.  I knew I would be asked to start at square one.  You know, start from the beginning.  I dreaded this because it is just painful and I have done it with many doctors to no avail.  It felt different when Dr. Vliet asked because I could sense her spirit.  I could see if her eyes she truly cared about my words and listened.  She wrote a book that I read titled, Screaming to be Heard:  Hormone Connections Women Suspect and Doctors Still Ignore.  I have screamed to be heard for years and now someone is hearing me...and cares.  She talked to Dave and I for nearly 3-1/2 hours.  I was not forced to share eight years of information in a seven minute block of time. 

I told my friends I feel like the Titanic is beginning to turn another direction.  Dr. Vliet did not have a magical quick-fix, but what she did offer was solid and sound knowledge that was backed by years of experience and by dependable studies on hormone care.  She (and her staff) quickly became family.  At the end of the appointment I gave her the biggest hug ever.  Dave and I went to dinner afterwards and talked about all the helpful things Dr. Vliet said.  I think we were both overwhelmed with information and needed time for it to soak in.  I was so glad Dave was there with me.  My journey has affected him greatly and in ways that are personal just to him.

So how does the title of my blog entry come into play?  God simply gave us a gift.  Satan was quick to try and spoil it though.  What if she's wrong?  What if Dr. Vliet still can't help you?  What if this appointment wouldn't have turned out good?  If your faith was sooooooo great than you would be happy regardless?  What if God hadn't done with for you?  For a few minutes I started to ponder those points.  Well, what if He hadn't allowed this appointment to exceed my expectations?  Then it hit me...this was a gift pure and simple.  I don't know why God allowed it to go so well (beyond well).  Why does He allow me to get Christmas gifts?  Why did He provide such an amazing husband for me?  A healthy child?  My salvation?  God taught me something rather quickly as I was thinking about these things.  He told me He gave me a gift.  I didn't deserve it just like I don't deserve His salvation.  He also shared with me that He has some B-I-G plans for me in regards to this appointment and my relationship with Dr. Vliet.  He told me to just say "thank You."  As I began the healing process I have decided that my actions speak louder than my words.  While God wants our mouths to say "thank you" He also wants our actions to say it as well.  So stay tuned...the journey continues.

Ephesians 3:20)  Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.

Psalm 30:11-12)  You turned my wailing into dancing;  you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent.  Lord my God, I will praise you forever.