Romans 8:6-9) The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.
I am on Day 86 of my Joyce Meyer devotional book. It's been great and I only have 14 days left. I wonder what God will lead me? Joyce says that walking in the Spirit is going with God's flow. We have all heard the saying "go with the flow." She stresses we must go with God's flow. I like that idea. Going with His flow is walking in the Spirit which means we are thinking and acting in a manner that is pleasing to God, trusting Him for each step. One way I can easily evaluate where I am at with this is to look truthfully at my thought life.
Am I choosing to think the best of people? Even politicians whom I adamantly disagree with for example? Am I choosing optimistic thoughts in regards to myself and my own struggles? Even as I write this I realize I have some work to do (especially on the second one!:-)).
I can think of a time recently when I actually did have the mind of Christ and going with God's flow. It isn't something that comes natural because we are human. It is something we must fight to have! It was this past Saturday actually. Those of you who know me know that I am an avid runner and have been for many years. I am guilty of overdoing it in a big way at times. People often ask if I'm training for something. When I say no they look at me strangely! A few of my symptoms from my hormonal imbalances have become even more problematic over the last year or so. They have made running and exercise extremely difficult. These two things have been a huge part of my life so it's quite upsetting when I can't do the things I used to be able to do. What was once easy has become very, very hard.
Saturday I woke up and had a thought. I would face a once-easy running workout head on. I looked at my old running logs on MapMyRun on my Iphone and became angry. I could not believe the times I had been logging previously and now can't. Being my extremely determined self I decided I was going to do a similar workout and give it all I had. It was very early in the morning so I left Dave a note that I would be back later.
This was without a doubt THEE hardest run of my entire life. My lungs felt like they were bleeding and every muscle in my body screamed for me to stop. They obviously don't know me! I refused to allow myself to stop. I ran with no headphones and only concerned myself with the voice on my app telling me my mileage and pace. I got angry at this run. All I heard was my breathing, the pounding of my feet, and the voice.
As I pushed on I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't the fact that a run I have done 1,000 times was unbearably hard or the anger over the medical mistreatment I have received. It was not frustration at God or the resentment at a body that just doesn't work right, it was an overwhelming thankfulness to my God for allowing me to go through what I have for the last six plus years. I am so incredibly grateful for Him allowing each tear and sorrow. He loved me enough to not leave me like I was...a spoiled, immature Christian. I am so thankful He has taught me huge, big lessons and small, seemingly unimportant lessons. I appreciate so much more now. I see life as more than selfish ambition.
All of this flooded every inch of me as my feet pounded the pavement. Running has meant different thing to me at different times in my life. It has meant a way to fit into my favorite pair of Lucky jeans. It has enabled me to eat a second scoop of ice cream or to relieve stress. It has been a social outlet with my friends and I. It has meant challenging myself physically in ways I never thought possible. This day it was to give glory to God.
Over the last nine months to a year I have not been able to sing in church. It is like I have no emotion, nothing left. After my mom passed away I cried during worship at church. Like clock work the music would start and my tears flowed. More recently it has felt like I have been out of tears. Funny thing, when I run I need my praise and worship music (or my BFF Kristin to talk to). When I run my soul can worship through the music. Exerting myself with a nice, hard run strips me of me. It makes my insides raw and releases something powerful within me. I remember a run in particular. My mom was on her deathbed and I had a flight scheduled for about noon back to Ohio. I had nervous energy and time to kill so I went running on the treadmill at the gym. I ran 12 miles on a treadmill...isn't that the craziest thing?! I immediately drove to the airport and boarded a plane. When Eli and I arrived at our destination I could hardly stand up because my muscles were so tight and sore! That still makes me laugh!
So back to my run yesterday...as I finished "the hardest run known to mankind" God whispered another thought to me. He has allowed me to be torn down over the last six years. I truly am a different person now. I feel like I was stripped of everything I thought was important. I am not being rebuilt though. He is not rebuilding the same person I was. He is rebuilding a new Anna. My appointment with Dr. Vliet set the tone for a newness. God used her to began a new plan for me. He is building me into the woman He designed me to be before I was even a glimmer in my father's eye.
If I had shied away from facing this challenge head on I would not have been blessed with this divine experience. I fully understood after my run finished that I had the mind of Christ and I was going with His flow during this hour because of this I did I experienced tremendous closeness with my heavenly Father. God lifted me towards heaven. Had I had a fleshly mind at this time I would have been mad as a hornet (been there done that too many times to count) during and after my run. My mood would have been just plain foul. I would have dwelt on all the reasons this run stunk. What I used to be able to do and now can't. I would have wanted to find the doctors that messed me up and smack the crap out of them. No! Instead I had an appointment with God, up close and personal.
In closing we must continue to fight the battle against our flesh. It robs us of joy, a joy that is sustainable during difficult times. I am not better than you...I am not holier. I struggle with all the same things. What I learned during this workout was that there is a stark contrast between the mind of Christ and that of the flesh (human nature). I literally experienced it. After I realized how thankful I was for the misery I've experienced I said this to myself as I ran, "whoa Anna...that was NOT you!" I laughed to myself! The mind of the flesh mentioned in the opening verses refers to our human sense and reason without the Holy Spirit. These are those carnal thoughts and purposes. Walking in the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to lead us solely. We are to think and act in a Godly manner. As hard as it is it is possible to retrain our minds to think differently. We just have to stay on top of the war that rages for our minds.
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