What's On Your Mind?

I want to start off by asking for forgiveness.  The blog entry I am about to type out is pretty much for me, by me, to me.  Please forgive me for making this one all about me.  You see tomorrow is a big day for me.  I am taking a huge leap of faith and seeing a new specialist in Atlanta tomorrow.  A few days ago I wrote an entry about taking risks.  I asked God a simple question, "should I stay where I am at or go?" 

Anyway, I like going to new doctors as much as I like well...having Novocaine shots with much, much more anxiety added in.  I do not like it.  I don't like going to doctors that I have seen for years.  I don't like doctor appointments.  Don't I sound like a Cat In The Hat book?!  My experience with new doctors is I sit down, they look at my foot tall file and give me this look like, "okay, how do I make her think I know what I am talking about without actually saying that because if I say it I would totally be lying?"  Okay, so maybe I have over thought this a bit, but my point is...I don't like seeing new doctors, old doctors, blue ones, green ones, funny ones, kind ones, grouchy ones, etc.  As soon as I get myself into a fit over going to the doctor God reminds me of  few things.  As much history as I have with poor medical care I am reminded that it has been part of a tremendous journey for me.  It has been part of a God-ordained process that has created in me a new heart.  I am also reminded that I can afford to go to a doctor.  That's a pretty big deal in this day and age.  I am reminded how thankful I am to live in America where I don't have to wait for some bureaucrat to decide if I should be able to go to the doctor.  Okay, that was a bit political...moving on.

Philippians 4:8-9)  Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy- think about such things.  Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me- put it into practice.  And the God of peace with be with you.

I am reading a great book that discusses fear.  The chapter I just finished is about what goes on in our minds.  This book fits perfectly into my current devotion book by Joyce Meyer about the battlefield of the mind.  Here is a list from my book of thought patterns that explains where fear and bad thinking can stem from.

1. Perfectionism- Allowing our mind to be obsessed with being perfect and flawless.  Perfectionists are afraid to try anything new or take a risk because the process may not be perfect and the end results could be different (and in our minds less perfect) than flawless.  We are also very hard on others who are not perfect according to us.  Or we think we are the only ones who aren't perfect.

2.  Negativity- This frame of mind is concerned about the worse-case scenario.  Again, this way of thinking makes venturing out impossible.  Why should I try something because I know it will fail?!  With this way of thinking we love to hear negative things about other people.

3.  Assumption Making- We have all jumped to conclusions.  The issue with this type of thinking is that it can get us all worked up for usually nothing.  We assume someone is angry with us because a tone of text or an E-mail.  We assume our friend is mad at us because she is quiet one day.  You see my point.  Imagination can get the best of us.

4.  Lack of Perspective- The lie in this type of thinking is that we see our problem as the hugest problem in the world and one that is far too big even for God.  Our problems block God and our focus is on them and not God and His ability.

5.  Labeling- This problematic thinking can cause all kinds of problems.  It makes us appear judgmental because we think we know someone after talking to them for five minutes.  If we label someone we don't have to deal with them.  The problem is we are usually wrong in our label.  We also wrongly label ourselves.

6.  Legalism-  This one also touches on being judgmental.  A legalistic person judges others by their actions and usually overlooks their own faulty behaviors.  It is also dangerous to be legalistic of ourselves.  For example, I miss a workout and I immediately think of myself as lazy and feel overwhelmed by guilt. 

So do any of these strike a nerve with you?  I struggle with negativity and lack of perspective.  Like I said this entry is like a study to me by me.  With the day I have ahead of me tomorrow I am REALLY battling these two poor ways of thinking.  I have had my hopes up so much with going to new doctors and allowing them to change my hormones this way and that way and adding this and that.  Because of my history I find it very difficult to not be negative.  I keep thinking, "this new doctor won't be able to help and I will forever feel rotten."  I have repented from that thought many, many times over the last week.  Having a negative way of thinking also keeps me frozen.  It makes me afraid to try a new doctor and keep trying until I find relief.  A negative mind-set restricts the power of God I am allowing to work in my life.

Loss of perspective...YEP!  Honestly, there have been times where my condition has appeared insurmountable.  I can only see it.  I can only feel it.  I believe that God can change it, but that He won't because it's just too big of a deal and He wants me to keep struggling.  Not only is my perspective of my condition wrong, but so is my perspective of God.  My perspective of Him has been that He wants everything really hard for me.  He isn't interested in the small, simple pleasures in life that I soooooo desire right now.  When those thoughts come into the mind we must replace them with God's truth.

So what is one thought you really fight with?  Mine is this...I will NEVER find relief from my condition...I will NEVER be well.  Let's match up this thought to the verse above.  Our thoughts are to be true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, and praiseworthy.  My thought is not ultimately true because I don't know if this is the case or not...how can I say never?  Just because it has been 8+ years?  So I can't say that the subject of my thought is true.  Is it noble?  Noble means distinguished, bold, determined, etc.  Saying "never" is a cop out and is not bold.  Is dwelling on never getting better lovely?  Not so much.  Actually it is rather depressing.  I think admirable and excellent are similar in meaning.  In essence they both mean good, superior, or extraordinary.  My thought is definitely not good!  My thought is surely not praiseworthy because it does not result in a greater understanding of God and what He is capable of.  It puts Him in a box of inability and coldness.  It paints Him in a light of not wanting to give me a good gift.  My thought makes Him small and therefore, unworthy of praise.

My rotten thought did not pass the litmus test of Philippians 4:8-9.  I am hugely affected by my thought.  It wears me down and quite frankly, I am completely worn down already physically.  At times I do not care what I am thinking about because I'm frustrated and discouraged.  In those times I have to decide to do the right thing and the right thing is to think right.  I know deep down to not quit seeking wellness or right thinking.  I do not want Satan to win.

1 Corinthians 10:4-6)  The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds.  We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.  And we will be ready to punish every act of disobedience, once your obedience is complete.

This verse is basically saying that Satan works on our minds.  Our battle is not with people.  Only God's power can overcome our areas of bondage.  To beat the lies of Satan we have to take hold of every thought and compare it to the Word of God.  Living in this manner is living in obedience to God.  When we obey evil loses.  Taking thoughts captive is hard work and there is no room for apathy.  It is crucial to care what we are thinking about.  Joyce Meyer always says we don't have to think about whatever drops into our heads.  Comparing my thoughts to what God says is how I break down lies that bind me up.

I bet when Dave reads this he will advise me to print it out and read it to myself over and over and over...:-)