God, Dave, Family and Friends, and Even HGTV

I thought it was a perfect time to blog since I am bed-bound for the week.  I am actually in Alexandria, Louisiana right now with Dave.  My surgery was in Houston last Friday so we traveled from there to Alex on Sunday so Dave could work at the plant here for the week.  We will go back to Houston Friday to see my surgeon then back to Evans.

Our trip to Houston went incredibly smooth.  My appointment with the surgeon went so well.  Dave and I immediately liked him and felt perfectly at ease with the decision.  He answered all our questions plus gave us helpful additional information.  After seeing him we walked over to the hospital for our pre-op appointment.  All systems were go and we had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. the following morning.

I slept off and on the night before surgery.  I knew that God already knew the situation because 1. He knows everything and 2. I have prayed about a million times and fasted over this situation.  He surely was familiar with it!  I think of one of my go-to verses, Romans 6:28.  It reads, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  I absolutely LOVE this verse.  I thought of it often as my mom battled cancer.  That situation was so painful and overwhelming and I ran out of words fairly early on.  Same with my health issue.  It has been so painful, all-consuming, and frustrating that its hard sometimes to come up with words to pray.  I don't want to give up praying though.  I heard once that the times when we feel we can't pray are the times we desperately need to pray.  That's how I felt Thursday night as the time ticked down to my total hysterectomy.  As I lay there
I just pictured myself wrapped on God's arms.  No words were said between either of us...I just felt Gods nearness.  The chorus from "Loss for Words" fits perfectly.  You can read it below.

I am empty
You are holy
Come and fill my soul with who you are
In my silence You still hear me
In the quiet of this moment
I am heard
I'm overwhelmed
And at a loss for words

Friday eventually rolled around, eventually.  The waiting was the hardest part.  I told Dave my life will be split between pre-hysterectomy and post-hysterectomy!  We only waited a few minutes before the nurse came to get me.  It felt like an hour.  As I entered the pre-op room to put the gown on I began to cry just a little bit.  I hadn't cried over the situation because having it done was such a relief. Dave and I decided just after Eli was born that we were content with one child.  We knew we didn't want to go through IVF again and were just so thankful for Eli.  Because of this we found the decision to move forward with a hysterectomy an easy one because our interest is in improving my quality of life.  When I teared up a little bit one thought came to mind, "I wish my mom was here."  I just want to have my mom with me.  Funny, huh?  I guess we never get too old to want our mothers nearby when we are sick or life is hard.  

As I crawled into that bed I felt so connected with God.  He was right there with me.  A few nurses came in and were great.  Dave then was brought back.  He's an amazing man.  We have been through so much together.  We joke that he should have had me vetted before he married me.  When a person wants to buy a horse you have the animal vetted.  This means that a vet evaluates the horse with a detailed exam and x-rays.  The buyer then decides if they can live with the issues if any were uncovered.  Anyway, Dave is the calmest person on this planet.  I have never actually seen him out of control of his emotions.  He is a Godly man.  He is a devoted husband and father.  He is the epitome of integrity.  I have depended on him heavily through this trial.  It has been hard on me, but also incredibly hard on Dave.  He hasn't been able to fix it or change it.  He has been as helpless as I have.  Our marriage is stronger though because of the trials.  I admire him for too many reasons to count.  I'm honored to be his wife.  He has made me a better person.  His presence in the pre-op room calmed me beyond words.  We met with the head of anesthesia.  He was a funny guy!  When he came in he said "hola, como este!"  What made it funny was that he was an Asian gentleman!  We also met with the anesthesiologist that would be with me during surgery.  The nurse turned on the T.V. and said channel 22 was a channel on anesthesia.  Um, no thank you!  I had her turn on HGTV.  I LOVE HGTV!  We watched HGTV in the pre-op room, the hospital room, and pretty much solid in our hotel room.  Good thing Dave loves it too!

As we waited for my turn in the surgery room we met again with the surgeon.  Once again he was so calm and offered such encouraging words.  The whole time Dave kept me updated on texts and messages.  Of course my dad and sister were the first to send messages that morning.  I received so many other messages from dear friends and other family members.  The night before we left for Houston we had a cookout with our church small group.  To be honest at first I didn't want to go to the cookout.  My mind was on what to pack and mentally going over the details of the trip.  The cookout was so nice though.  Our friends are such great people and wanted to know the details and timing of surgery so they could be praying when I was in surgery.  They wanted to be sure that Dave sent a message as soon as I was done.  The support and love were awesome.  My sister had a hysterectomy a few years ago so she's been a God-send.  She is my best friend and always willing to listen.  We have E-mailed each other practically everyday of the week for like ten years!  She's awesome.  My dad wanted to be there for surgery no doubt.  He knew Dave was with me though.  My in-laws are also amazing people.  They love Eli so much.  In fact, Lou Ann flew to Atlanta to pick up Eli the day before we left for Houston.  Bob and Lou are two wonderful people and are so giving and helpful.  Just knowing so many people cared also calmed me as we waited.  

The anesthesiologist came in with anti-nausea medicine and then anti-anxiety medication for my I.V.  I actually didn't even feel anxious...just ready to be on the other side.  Then he came in with a "margarita" and that's the last I remember!  As I look back I realize how God provided such amazing support.  Aside from simply offering Himself He has given me the tremendous privilege of being Dave's wife.  He has given me a father that has loved me unconditionally my entire life.  I wanted to marry a man as awesome as my dad.  I grew up seeing what a real man looks like.  He taught me that I was invaluable and that any man would be lucky to have me.  Because of my dad my standards for boyfriends and my future husband were incredibly high.  I'm so grateful for my dad.  My sweet sister...even though she is MUCH older than I am (you know I love ya sister) we have very close most of my adult life.  We have weathered a lot of storms together.  As our mother die of cancer we got each other.  I knew her pain and she knew mine.  We were a team getting dad through his bout of cancer soon after mom died.  We have also laughed more together than any two people on earth!  God has given me the best friends ever.  Their support has gotten me through very tough times.  I have old friends and newer friends...all of which hold special places in my heart.  They wanted updated as soon as Dave knew anything.  They have spent countless time in prayer for me, Dave, and my doctor.  I love them dearly and hope to return the support to them that they have given me.  To a MUCH smaller extent I'm even grateful for HGTV.  I'm reading a book now called, "God is in the Small Stuff."  I am trying to recognize small gifts from God.  He overseas every detail of our life.  I love houses, real estate, building houses, decorating, etc. and watching HGTV took my mind off what was happening in that pre-op and hospital room. I'm glad for that!

This blog entry is very long and I appreciate you reading it!  I hope you were encouraged in some way to keep praying even when words don't come or you don't feel like it.  I also hope you can look into your own life and recognize the people that have made an impact on you.  You are loved and valued by God and those people He has put into your life.

Prayer...and Fasting

Hey everyone!  I'm going to venture off my usual topic today.  It's been a HUGE week and I
wanted to share what has been going on and a few other related topics.

This topic isn't taught much in churches.  It's unfortunate.  I never knew much about the practice.  Fasting.  I would usually cringe when I heard it.  Pastor Bobby has taught a great deal on the topic and I appreciate it.  He has called his congregation to take part in the practice.  The Bible is full of lessons on fasting.  Unfortunately, we have all but removed it.  Even more, the practice is thought to be outdated and only for those super religious people.

I have read a few books on fasting and they have been very intriguing.  One was authored by Derek Prince and the other by Mahesh Chavda.  I would recommend them both!  In Exodus Moses fasted while waiting for the Lord to speak regarding the Ten Commandments.  Moses also fasted in Deuteronomy.   This book speaks of the time before the Israelites entered the Promised Land.  That was a tough forty years!  In Samuel David fasted for the Lord to spare his child.  This child was conceived with Bathsheba.  The prophet Nehemiah fasted in the book with the same name.  He oversaw the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem.  This was an extremely serious time in Jewish history because the Israelites were reestablishing themselves as a nation.  Esther, Psalms, Isaiah, and Daniel all speak of fasting.  All the stories are full of desperation.  These characters are in desperate times.  We can move into the New Testament and see the same pattern.  The characters of these real stories fasted as part of their walk with the Lord.  A Christian is a Christ-follower so we must look to Him as our example.  Jesus fasted.  I have picked out two New Testament verses that speak of fasting.  The first verse is a simple lesson for us on fasting.  It is a private matter.  The second verse tells me that prayer is important, but adding fasting to it takes prayer to a whole new level.  The story is cross-referenced in Matthew with a slightly different text.  The point is that Jesus recognized the need for both in certain circumstances.  Some manuscripts add fasting to Mark 9:29 and the text in Matthew uses the word fasting.

Matthew 6:16-18)  And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Mark 9:25-29)  When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."  The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead."  But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.  After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"  He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

I'm certainly not lecturing you because I have a long way to go on this practice.  I'm a heck of a lot more obedient on it than I used to be though.  My husband actively fasts and last fall he fasted for an entire seven days.  While I don't think there is a certain time frame we have to stick too because if there was we would become legalistic.  The time is between you and God.  We are all different.  I do think that God desires us to have a willing heart.

This leads me to the situation that occurred this past week.  As many of you know I have severe hormonal issues and have for many, many years.  Anyone have a concrete wall I can pound my head against?!  Seriously though, I have been on quite a journey.  My doctor is AMAZING.  I mean really.  Her office is in Tucson, Arizona.  I have talked to her on the phone every month and sometimes more since our initial meeting last August.  She has truly been an answer to prayer.  Dave and I have introduced fasting into our lives in regards to my treatments and in regards to wisdom for Dr. Vliet.  In one of Bobby's lessons he taught that we may not see an immediate response to our fasting.  We may fast over a situation and not see anything happen right away.  His point was that fasting with a pure heart moves the hand of God.  It might not be in our time, but it moves it.  We continue to fast over my appointments and conversations with Dr. Vliet.  We take them that serious.  We have been utterly desperate at times.  I have wept over the situation and begged God for discernment and wisdom.  I have pleaded with Him to impact Dr. Vliet for not just me, but for ANY of the women she treats.  If they have gone through anything like I have my heart bleeds for them.  I also want to lift up Dr. Vliet personally as she shoulders many serious conditions that her patients have.

Last week Dr. Vliet and I (and Dave) decided to move forward with a total hysterectomy.  This is totally huge!  It is right up there with deciding who to marry and if you should have children.  Having a few organs removed is a big deal, you know?!  I guess I'm telling this story because Dave and I believe there is a connection between fasting and this big decision.  The decision was not made lightly yet we felt very lead to it.  I firmly believe God has lead us to this place.  I hope you can see my point because I feel like I'm not doing a good job of explaining it.  My surgery date is scheduled...the countdown has begun.  I desperately covet your prayers because I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid.  Satan is in the what-if game.  So please keep me in your prayers and Dave too. 

In closing I encourage you to see where fasting fits into your walk with the Lord.  Are there some things in your life that feel stuck.  Do you need God to move in big ways?  Please talk to Him about fasting.  I send you much love!

Walking With God

C. Austin Miles penned In the Garden in 1912.  Mr. Miles' hobby was photography.  He found that his dark room was the perfect room to meet with God.  He even would read his Bible in the blue cast.  One day he was in his dark room reading the Easter story in John.  The verse that stood out the most was John 20:14.  It reads, "At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus."  Mr. Miles says as he read John 20 it was as if he became part of the scene in that garden.  He immediately began writing once he came to from his vision. 

The chorus is just awesome.  I vision heaven when I read it.  Me and God...just walking and talking.  As we stroll He tells me I am His own and I was bought with a price.  Neither one of us has anywhere to go.  After all there is no time in heaven.  What joy I experience!  That experience can only be had by a child and the Father.  I'm brought back to earth though.  I contemplated this song and how it relates to my life now.  Here are my thoughts.

The first verse encourages me to come and meet God.  It is a privilege to get to do so not have to.  I remember my math teacher in 9th grade used to say we got to do homework.  If you asked what homework we had to do he would always correct us and say we GOT to do homework.  I think of that now.  We GET to spend time with God.  I am as guilty as anyone else of rushing through prayer time or simply not thinking it matters.  I think the first verse encourages us to meet God early.  I don't do my studying to later in the day because of my schedule, but I do spend time praying and listening for God before my feet hit the floor in the morning.  Joyce Meyer has said she wants Satan to say, "oh no...she's up!"  We have to prepare our minds and hearts for the day ahead. 

The second verse is convicting to me.  Why?  Well, I do most of the talking during prayer time.  How can I hear His voice if I'm blabbering the whole time about what I want and need and what I think everyone else wants and needs?  When we really connect with our Father something changes in our hearts.  They are uplifted.

The last verse brings it all full circle.  Night has come and I want to stay with Him.  I am not exactly sure what the last few lines mean, but have an idea.  As I'm drifting off to sleep I'm told to go, go to sleep and rest.  Even though I go to sleep He doesn't.  His voice is constantly calling me even when I'm unaware. 

I hear people use the term "my walk with God" often.  What does that really mean though?  Does it mean walking ahead with God a few steps behind?  Or does it mean that I go on my path and then I call Him when my path gets difficult or maybe when I get onto the wrong path?  As I have matured in my faith I have gotten better at letting Him lead.  He want time with me.  I used to think I could read the Bible and then the information somehow transferred to my head.  It doesn't work that way.  I like to visualize myself in the scene.  I love picturing myself bowing before God just soaking up...Him.  He wants time with us.  I get to be with Him.  I am not perfect, but each day I improve.  After all, isn't that was walking with God is?!

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet, the birds hush their singing
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

I'd stay in the garden with Him
'Tho the night around me be falling
And He bids me go, through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

Is It Well with My Soul?

Hello all!  I am so excited to be back on my blog.  We rented our house for the Master's golf tournament so most of March was spent preparing the house.  I don't think the renters noticed my freshly painted trim, but it looks amazing.  Knowing strangers were going to be in our home we were motivated to do lots of "spring cleaning."  Eli turned six on March 26th which was a great time.  It is so incredibly hard to believe he is actually six years old!  We spent a week at an AMAZING cabin near Asheville, NC while our home was rented.  We had the best time!  We came home to a house totally in tact and the cleaning lady had made it like no one was ever in it.  So that brings me to now...

"It Is Well with My Soul" is a beautiful song written in 1873 by Horatio Spafford.  The history of this hymn is absolutely incredible.  Horatio was a wealthy attorney in Chicago.  He was invested heavily in real estate and when the Chicago fire swept through the city he lost a fortune.  Around the same time his four year old child died of scarlet fever.  Scarlet fever is a form of strep and historically was very deadly.  Generally children four to eight acquired scarlet fever. 

Because of their rough go of it Horace thought he would take his family, which consisted of a wife and four daughters, on a vacation to Europe.  He was going to visit some evangelistic meetings.  I would guess his family was very excited about this given their recent misfortunes.  The family was booked to travel on a luxurious ocean liner.  At the last minute business called Horace to stay in New York City.  He sent his family on ahead as to not hinder their vacation.

While on the open seas the luxury vessel collided with another ship.  When I read this I pictured the scenes from the movie Titanic.  The cold water probably crashed through the beautiful passenger rooms.  My imagination cannot even picture the terror.  226 people died that night and 47 survived.  Horace's wife, Anna, was found in the water clinging to a piece of wreckage.  Anna sent a message from England to her husband in New York that said, "Saved alone." 

Horace booked himself on another ship to head immediately to England to be with Anna.  What do you think he thought when he heard that the luxury liner sunk?  I bet he thought that maybe, just maybe his family survived.  After all 47 people made it safely to England.  During the night the captain called Horace to his side and explained they were now passing over the location where his children perished.  Horace went back to his room and was not able to sleep.  He said to himself, "It is well;  the will of God be done."  He later wrote the hymn "It is Well with My Soul" based on the words he spoke to himself that lonely and cold night.

The Spaffords went on to have three more children.  One of the children died in infancy.  When the other two daughters were very small the Spaffords sailed for Israel.  In Jerusalem they founded a mission called The American Colony.  This mission helped serve the poor.  Later the mission became the subject of a Noble Prize winning book titled Jerusalem.

After reading about Horatio's story the first thought that came to mind was that after all the heartache he continued to serve God.  I will promise you that he and Anna had moments of shaking their fists at God and asking the obvious "why" question.  God wants us to pour our hearts out to him.  He already knows we are hurting so why sugar-coat it to Him.  I admire my dear friend Linda so much for being real with God.  With a reverential heart she tells God what is going on inside her.  She has taught me to simply be real with God.  Horace and Anna are so incredibly inspirational for their continued devotion to God despite the tragedy they experienced.  They could freely reach out to the hurting in Jerusalem because they themselves hurt.  I promise you they had tremendous compassion for those they helped. 

"Your will be done" is one of the hardest things to say to the Lord.  We have all prayed the Lord's Prayer, but do we REALLY know what we are saying.  "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" are powerful words and should not be uttered will-nilly.  Do I desire God's will over my own?  Not always.  God's will isn't always sunshine and lollipops.  Ask Jesus.  It is, however, the best plan.  Let me be the first to say I don't get it all.  Why did all Horace's children die?  Why did those men set off bombs in Boston?  Why do earthquakes come?  Why did my mom die an awful death from cancer?  Why does abortion exist?  Why, why, why?!?!?!  I have no idea why God allows things.  We can all learn from the Spaffords.  We can all be victorious.  Our circumstances will never be perfect.  In this life there will be trouble.  Jesus said this himself in John 16:33.  Overcoming our trials doesn't always mean the trial ends.  Often it means we find a way to be victorious despite the trial.  We pick ourselves up after being knocked down and seek God's face.  The Spafford's sought God despite their pain and God, no doubtingly, used them to further His Kingdom in Jerusalem.

John 16:33)  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

On a side note, I remember my mom saying several times that she wanted "It Is Well with My Soul" played at her funeral.  There is just something so profound about that request.  I'll let you read the words to the hymn now.

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

Attitude Matters

1. 
   
2. 
   
   We all are in need of a little perspective from time to time.  If you are anything like me you get caught up in your own "stuff." It can be good stuff or trying stuff.  We also tend to think our trying stuff is the worst.  Whenever anything uncomfortable happens I try and figure out how to make the situation more comfortable for myself.  Lets face it we don't enjoy pain.  I find it interesting to talk to people that claim the name of Jesus over anything bad.  They automatically think Satan is trying to foil their plans or to ruin their day.  While I do absolutely believe in spiritual warfare I also believe the Lord allows challenges to come to grow us up.  maybe its just me, but i certainly dont grow much when I am on the mountain top.  Now don't get me wrong Satan does enjoy ruining our day, but most of the time we ruin it ourselves with our attitude about challenges.  
   
   
   Yesterday was a interesting  day for me.  Let me explain a bit.  My doctor (the specialist I see in Arizona) did some blood work last week.  I get blood work often because of my hormone issues.  I meet with her by phone quite often too.  The last round of labs uncovered some issues with my blood sugar which is very interesting given my addiction to exercise and healthy diet.  So she ordered a 5 hour glucose test.  If you have been pregnant before you had a 2-3 hour test.  I decided I was going to have a good attitude.  This was going to be great and helpful.  I prayed and prayed over the situation and felt like the Lord was assuring me it would give us helpful information.  So I fasted 12 hours and got to the lab bright and early, 7:15.  Well, it wasn't so bright because of the time change.  
   
   
   I seriously came prepared with two books, an HGTV magazine, my Bible study journal, heating pad, and pillow.  I was ready to get this done.  I hand the lab technician the order and she says she can't do the test.  What?!  I called to confirm they could last Friday.  Dr. Vliet had written out the names of the diagnosis without the codes.  Apparently they can't start the test without the codes.  I wanted to cry.  I honestly felt like in this circumstance Satan was trying to mess things up.  I felt a strong pull to pray that if God wanted this test done He would make a way.  We couldn't call Dr. Vliet's office because it was only after 5 a.m. in Arizona.  The tech called her supervisor and had no luck.  I had Dave praying too.  Speaking of Dave I will have to tell you about his morning when I'm done.  What I didn't do is flip out and yell at the lab tech.  I was sitting there trying to think of something and my uncle Rog's name came to mind (he is a doctor).  I called him and he and his nurse were able to help us.  The test finally got started an hour late.  
   
   
   It really wasn't all that bad.  My friend Kristin stopped by to chat which was so thoughtful.  My other friend and her daughter took care of Olive.  The lab tech couldn't believe how patient I was.  Honestly I really didn't get it either.  Anything of the medical sort makes me terribly anxious because of all that 
   I have been through.  I read my book about the misconceptions we have about God.  I gave the tech
   the book when I left...she appreciated it.  I people watched.  Incidentally a lot of people come in for urine tests!  Another lady was super grouchy.  She was complaining to another woman about how slow the lab tech was and how she hates mornings.  She couldn't have been sitting there more than five minutes before she got called back!  I chatted with an older gentleman about Girl Scout cookies.  We got on the topic because the girl sitting next to him mentioned her boyfriend was sitting in the car waiting and eating Girl Scout cookies.  The gentleman thought the price was ridiculous these days...$6.00 a box.  I agreed.  He was waiting forever AFTER his test.  His wife had to run over to a gas station to use the rest room and didn't come back for probably a half hour.  He told me he thought she went to Wal-Mart.  She did come back eventually!  I found it all very entertaining.
   
   
   I wouldn't call the test fun.  Actually it was far from it.  They took out two files of blood than I drank this awful sugar syrup.  They waited 30 minutes than took out two more files of blood.  After another half an hour another two files.  This went on four more hours with draws being taken every hour.  When it was said and done I had 14 viles of blood taken out.  Fortunately Dave was able to come pick me up because I felt like I was in slooooooow motion.  As far as how I felt physically it really was not very good.  I felt jazzed after the drink than crazy tired about 10 minutes later.  I had cold chills, hot flashes, etc.  My arms still feel like a pin cushion.  I had total and complete peace though.  I 100% believe it didn't seem bad because I had a good attitude.  In the days leading up to the test I decided I was not going to fear what they found out.  I was going to pass this test.  I am not referring to the glucose test, but the spiritual test that was before me.  I told God that too.  I decided I was going to trust Him.  Eli and I recite Proverbs 3:5-6 every morning.  You can read it below.  One of the major fears I have battled throughout this health issue is the "what if" question.  What if I never feet better?  What if this lasts forever?  What if the labs come back horrible?  What if the labs come back saying I am fine even though I feel atrocious?!  "No!  I am trusting You God," I kept saying in the week leading up to this ordered 5 hour test.
   
   
   Proverbs 3:5-6) Trust in God with all your heart.  Do not lean on your own understanding and in all 
   your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
   
   
   While I was sitting there doing a Bible study The Lord gave me the following verse.
   
   
   Isaiah 43:19). See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
   
   
   Lets fast forward to this morning.  I was walking on the treadmill because apparently after 14 viles of blood being taken out one should not do strenuous exercise.  Don't worry I was told that by the wonderful woman at Dr. Vliet's office and didn't find out for myself!  I love listening to Joyce Meyer podcasts while I work out.  So get this!  Her topic this morning was on avoiding the "what if" fear.  Joyce is a special teacher and author to me.  Her teachings have been crucial in my spiritual growth during this challenging time.  Wow!  This hit home.  Guess what verse she used as a reference verse in her lesson?!  Yep, you guessed it...Isaiah 43:19.  I couldn't believe it.  I really felt in God's presence.  I knew without a doubt He was right with me in that lab for that 6-1/2 hour test.  
   
   
   I guess the point of this blog entry is to encourage you to have a positive attitude in whatever season you are in.  God can use absolutely every experience we are in to further His Kingdom and grow us spiritually.  Patience is a tremendous virtue.  I have a long way to go, but I am so glad I am not where I was.  This blog entry was actually not the one I planned for today.  So you will have to check in next time as we learn about the wonderful story behind the hymn "It is Well With My Soul."
   
   
   Oh and my quick Dave story.  Since I had to be at the lab so early he had to get Eli ready for school.  It's really pretty easy.  Eli has an alarm so he comes downstairs all dressed.  I even made oatmeal the night before so all Dave had to do was reheat it.  Dave came down all dressed too (what a big boy!), but seemed a bit flustered.  He is used to getting up, showering and dressing, and grabbing his breakfast and lunch out of the fridge before he takes off for the day.  So having responsibility was quite a change.  David is always wonderfully helpful though and he was willing to help do whatever needed to be done.  Before I left I told him to be sure to get the ice pack out of the freezer for Eli's lunch box.  I also hung Eli's vest and book bag on the door knob so they wouldn't forget it.  So what happened?  Eli went to school with no vest, no lunch, and no book bag!  Dave stopped at the grocery next to the school and bought some snacks and gave Eli his sandwich!  
   
   
   
   
   
   

No Coincidence

"Jesus Paid It All" is really one of my top five favorite songs ever.  I absolutely love each word.  I'll copy the lyrics below so you can take in the power of the words.  Elvina Hall wrote this poem in Baltimore, MD in 1865.  The music was written by John T. Grape.

1. I hear the Savior say,
   “Thy strength indeed is small;
   Child of weakness, watch and pray,
   Find in Me thine all in all.”
   • Refrain:
     Jesus paid it all,
     All to Him I owe;
     Sin had left a crimson stain,
     He washed it white as snow.
2. For nothing good have I
   Whereby Thy grace to claim;
   I’ll wash my garments white
   In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.
3. And now complete in Him,
   My robe, His righteousness,
   Close sheltered ’neath His side,
   I am divinely blest.
4. Lord, now indeed I find
   Thy pow’r, and Thine alone,
   Can change the leper’s spots
   And melt the heart of stone.
5. When from my dying bed
   My ransomed soul shall rise,
   “Jesus died my soul to save,”
   Shall rend the vaulted skies.
6. And when before the throne
   I stand in Him complete,
   I’ll lay my trophies down,
   All down at Jesus’ feet.
   
   
   I could not find much information on Ms. Hall or John T. Grape.  I'll share with you what I did find though.  As I was doing my searching an interesting thought came to mind.  I will share that with you in a minute.  Elvina was sitting in her pew at Monument Street Methodist Church on, probably an average run-of-the-mill Sunday.  She may have even been sitting in the pew in the choir loft she sat in every single Sunday.  For our entire married life Dave and I have sat on the right side of the church.  It could be any of the three churches we have attended together.  It is always the right side!  We used to sit towards the back, but now we are right up in the front few rows.  The other Sunday we got crazy and sat on the left side of Journey.  Lets just say the following Sunday we were back on the right side.  It just felt too weird!  I digress...
   
   
   As the story goes the pastor was being a bit lengthy in prayer and Elvina could not stay focused.  She apparently is far more holy that I because when my mind wonders in church it is usually because I'm thinking about what is for dinner.  We go on Saturday night so dinner is what's next!  Anyway, she started to doodle down this poem on the flyleaf.  As the pastor went on so did Elvina's poem.  One story I read states that Elvina felt guilty about not paying attention she admitted her ways to the pastor and showed him her poem.
   
   
   At some point the choir director, John T. Grape, had composed some music.  Mr. Grape was a successful coal merchant and also played the choir at the church.  The Monument Street Methodist Church was being renovated so the church organ was being stored at Mr. Grape's house.  Apparently that is where he composed this music.  After reading the poem and I assume hearing the music the pastor had the idea to combine the two and a beautiful piece was created!
   
   
   Back to my thought I had while reading the above story...here it goes.  Some may say that the fact that the church was being renovated, the organ had been moved to Mr. Grape's, and Elvina's mind wondered during church was mere coincidence.  I beg to differ.  There are so many things that happen to us that all fit together.  I think of the people that have been brought into my life that only God could orchestrate.  This hits me personally because of how often we move.  God allowed some dear friends to enter my life in each move.  It isn't a coincidence that these friends and I are kindred spirits.  God put our hearts together.  The fact is that God divinely orchestrated Elvina's thoughts and Mr. Grape's music to collide.  
   
   
   When I think of life in this manner my heart cannot help but be thankful for Gods providence.  It also builds trust in Him and encourages me to hand everything over to Him.  It makes me feel important to Him.  Proverbs 16:9 reads, "We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps."  He is active in the lives of His children.
   
   
     I also think of the verse Romans 8:26 which says, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express."  There have been many, many times over the last six plus years when I have been out of words.  I have felt like I couldn't pray over my mom's cancer anymore or my health condition anymore.  Maybe that is where He has wanted me.  Prayer is not our monologue.  When my frustrations have dulled my prayers The Lord has drawn my heart to His.  I picture myself kneeling before His thrown silently.  During these times I cling to Romans 8:26.  The Spirit is praying on my behalf because I don't even know what to pray for.  When things unfold I tend to think coincidence.  As I have matured in my relationship with the Lord I am quicker to think of of His divine providence and His sovereignty.  I do not believe there are any coincidences in my life.  To God be the glory for nothing in my life being an accident.
   
   
   Please meditate on the words of "Jesus Paid It All" and see what the Lord has for you.  I hope I have encouraged you to also see your life as that of purpose and to look for God's hand in every detail.  Also, go immediately to ITunes and download Kristian Stanfill's version of "Jesus Paid It All." You will not be sorry!
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   
   

Streams of Mercy Never Ceasing...

I want to start out by saying I have completely failed on one of my New Year's goals.  The goal was to complete a blog entry once a week.  How embarrassing really.  When I saw the date of my last entry I thought "this can't be!"  I can't even blame the fact we got a new puppy two weeks ago because there were two weeks BEFORE she came that I could have done an entry.  Okay, enough beating myself up over this!  On a side note, I have found that I have to do things while the puppy naps!

Let's move along with my previous theme.  So far I have blogged about hymns and how valuable they are.  We have learned about Fanny Crosby and now we can add Robert Robinson to the list.  "Come, Thou Fount of Every Blessing" is such a rich song.  I just downloaded Chris Rice' hymns album on my IPhone.  He sings a wonderful version of this song.  It's absolutely beautiful and makes me feel peaceful. 

Let thy goodness, like a fetter, bind my wondering heart to thee.
Prone to wonder, Lord, I feel it, prone to leave the God I love;
Here's my heart, O take and seal it, seal it for thy courts above.

I just think those words are absolutely beautiful.  They ring so true.  The verses of hymns paint such vivid word pictures in my brain.  There is a depth hymns have that other music does not have.  Don't get me wrong, I LOVE CONTEMPORARY CHRISTIAN MUSIC.  I really do.  I just really like hymns too...for different reasons.  Let's look at the first line of the above verse.  Essentially it is saying that God's goodness restrains my heart and binds it to Him.  To fetter someone means to restrain them.  Apart from God's goodness and His grace and mercy my heart wonders from Him naturally.  This idea is confirmed in line two.  Because I am made of flesh my natural desire is to wonder from God.  Paul tells the Romans in chapter seven, verse fifteen that he does not understand what he does.  For what he wants to do he doesn't.  Instead he does what he hates to do.  We have a bent to evil.  In line three the author gives his heart to the Lord.  He wants the Lord to take and seal it for heaven above.  How can this happen?  How can our hearts be sealed?  Only with the Holy Spirit.  This song is a prayer that the Holy Spirit will flood our hearts.  After all, how else are we sealed for the courts above?

So who is the author?  His name is Robert Robinson.  He lived between the years of 1735 and 1790 in England.  His life started out pretty rough.  His mother was of a higher social status than his father.  Her father was not happy about her marrying down.  While doing research for this entry I realized just how powerful the class system was back in that day.  Robert's father died when young Robert was only five years old.  His maternal grandfather was a man of wealth and status, but he was so angry at his daughter for marrying Robert's father that he disinherited Robert.  Isn't that the craziest thing?  An uncle took Robert under his wing for a bit and supported his schooling, but at age 14 Robert's mother sent him to London as an apprentice in a barbershop.  How sad is that?!  At age 14 he was on his own.  Without any support around him he fell into a bad crowd.  These young men were wild...drinking and rebel-rousing.  They had the bright idea one night to do see a fortune-teller. As Robert sit there with his pals something didn't feel right to him.  George Whitefield was preaching nearby.  George Whitefield was a very famous open-air preacher.  He had a history in theatre so he could really preach the Word in a manner that attracted viewers.  He was a Calvinist.  Later in his life he spent time in America and was a major player in our Great Awakening.  Without getting off topic into the life of George Whitefield it is suffice to say that it was a big deal to go see Mr. Whitefield.  So Robert decided he needed to go hear this preacher because something about the physic unnerved him.  Robert sat through the sermon and felt like the preacher was talking directly to him.  There was something rousing inside young Robert.  I would venture to say the Holy Spirit was doing something.  Robert ran from God for three years before he gave his life to Christ.  Knowing Robert's "come to Jesus" story makes the words of his song all the more powerful and real.  He entered into full-time ministry immediately. Robinson spent time at a Calvinistic Methodist chapel first.  I did some research on what a Calvinistic Methodist is before doing this entry because I had no clue what that was.  Calvinism and Methodism are not alike!  My brain about exploded trying to figure it out.  Calvinists believe in Predestination and Limited Atonement and well, Methodist do not believe this.  My conclusion is that Calvinistic Methodists are a hybrid between the two religions.  Robinson also took issue with infant baptism.  This caused quite a stir because he had twelve unbaptized children!  After doing a detailed study of Scripture and reading Christian books he came to the conclusion that an infant is incapable of knowing why they are being baptized.  He also dabbled in Unitarianism.  Unitarianism is the polar opposite of Trinitarianism.  Essentially, Unitarianist believe that God is one Person.  Trinitarianism believes God to be the Trinity: the Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.  Robinson did believe in the Trinity.  I couldn't find any other information that said what part of Unitarianism he believed in then.  To me, if you believe in the Trinity you aren't sympathetic to the Unitarian ideology.  I guess if he could be a Calvinistic Methodist he could be a Unitarian that believes in the Trinity.  I digress. The thing that struck me about Robert Robinson is that he was busy learning about God.  From my research he read a lot, he talked to a lot of people, he sought to learn about the Lord.  How many of us just are fine with our faith status-quo.  We believe something because our parents did.  We go to the church we have gone to our whole lives.  We think the thoughts we think we should have about our relationship with God.  We take Communion because 1. we don't want to look foolish by declining or 2. we take it and never meet the Lord in that place.  We just bump along without much thought about things.  Mr. Robinson didn't do this.  He passionately and actively pursued the Lord.  He was considered a Dissenter.  He was a Protestant who did not recognize the supremacy of the Anglican Church.  He is even buried in a special Dissenter graveyard!  I am not saying we should disagree with principles we have been raised with just to be a rebel.  I am saying that we should listen for the Holy Spirit and see what He has for us. He wrote this song to accompany his sermon he was giving on Pentecost Sunday.  How appropriate is this song given the true meaning of the Pentecost.  On the Pentecost the Holy Spirit came upon the twelve disciples.  The Helper had come just as Jesus had promised in John 14:16.  Robert Robinson lived a life seeking the Lord.  He fully understood what having the Spirit means.  He experienced a radical transformation.  Because this man succumbed to the effectual calling we are blessed with his beautiful words.