Romans 8:6-9) The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace. The mind governed by the flesh is hostile to God; it does not submit to God’s law, nor can it do so. Those who are in the realm of the flesh cannot please God. You, however, are not in the realm of the flesh but are in the realm of the Spirit, if indeed the Spirit of God lives in you. And if anyone does not have the Spirit of Christ, they do not belong to Christ.
I am on Day 86 of my Joyce Meyer devotional book. It's been great and I only have 14 days left. I wonder what God will lead me? Joyce says that walking in the Spirit is going with God's flow. We have all heard the saying "go with the flow." She stresses we must go with God's flow. I like that idea. Going with His flow is walking in the Spirit which means we are thinking and acting in a manner that is pleasing to God, trusting Him for each step. One way I can easily evaluate where I am at with this is to look truthfully at my thought life.
Am I choosing to think the best of people? Even politicians whom I adamantly disagree with for example? Am I choosing optimistic thoughts in regards to myself and my own struggles? Even as I write this I realize I have some work to do (especially on the second one!:-)).
I can think of a time recently when I actually did have the mind of Christ and going with God's flow. It isn't something that comes natural because we are human. It is something we must fight to have! It was this past Saturday actually. Those of you who know me know that I am an avid runner and have been for many years. I am guilty of overdoing it in a big way at times. People often ask if I'm training for something. When I say no they look at me strangely! A few of my symptoms from my hormonal imbalances have become even more problematic over the last year or so. They have made running and exercise extremely difficult. These two things have been a huge part of my life so it's quite upsetting when I can't do the things I used to be able to do. What was once easy has become very, very hard.
Saturday I woke up and had a thought. I would face a once-easy running workout head on. I looked at my old running logs on MapMyRun on my Iphone and became angry. I could not believe the times I had been logging previously and now can't. Being my extremely determined self I decided I was going to do a similar workout and give it all I had. It was very early in the morning so I left Dave a note that I would be back later.
This was without a doubt THEE hardest run of my entire life. My lungs felt like they were bleeding and every muscle in my body screamed for me to stop. They obviously don't know me! I refused to allow myself to stop. I ran with no headphones and only concerned myself with the voice on my app telling me my mileage and pace. I got angry at this run. All I heard was my breathing, the pounding of my feet, and the voice.
As I pushed on I became overwhelmed with emotion. It wasn't the fact that a run I have done 1,000 times was unbearably hard or the anger over the medical mistreatment I have received. It was not frustration at God or the resentment at a body that just doesn't work right, it was an overwhelming thankfulness to my God for allowing me to go through what I have for the last six plus years. I am so incredibly grateful for Him allowing each tear and sorrow. He loved me enough to not leave me like I was...a spoiled, immature Christian. I am so thankful He has taught me huge, big lessons and small, seemingly unimportant lessons. I appreciate so much more now. I see life as more than selfish ambition.
All of this flooded every inch of me as my feet pounded the pavement. Running has meant different thing to me at different times in my life. It has meant a way to fit into my favorite pair of Lucky jeans. It has enabled me to eat a second scoop of ice cream or to relieve stress. It has been a social outlet with my friends and I. It has meant challenging myself physically in ways I never thought possible. This day it was to give glory to God.
Over the last nine months to a year I have not been able to sing in church. It is like I have no emotion, nothing left. After my mom passed away I cried during worship at church. Like clock work the music would start and my tears flowed. More recently it has felt like I have been out of tears. Funny thing, when I run I need my praise and worship music (or my BFF Kristin to talk to). When I run my soul can worship through the music. Exerting myself with a nice, hard run strips me of me. It makes my insides raw and releases something powerful within me. I remember a run in particular. My mom was on her deathbed and I had a flight scheduled for about noon back to Ohio. I had nervous energy and time to kill so I went running on the treadmill at the gym. I ran 12 miles on a treadmill...isn't that the craziest thing?! I immediately drove to the airport and boarded a plane. When Eli and I arrived at our destination I could hardly stand up because my muscles were so tight and sore! That still makes me laugh!
So back to my run yesterday...as I finished "the hardest run known to mankind" God whispered another thought to me. He has allowed me to be torn down over the last six years. I truly am a different person now. I feel like I was stripped of everything I thought was important. I am not being rebuilt though. He is not rebuilding the same person I was. He is rebuilding a new Anna. My appointment with Dr. Vliet set the tone for a newness. God used her to began a new plan for me. He is building me into the woman He designed me to be before I was even a glimmer in my father's eye.
If I had shied away from facing this challenge head on I would not have been blessed with this divine experience. I fully understood after my run finished that I had the mind of Christ and I was going with His flow during this hour because of this I did I experienced tremendous closeness with my heavenly Father. God lifted me towards heaven. Had I had a fleshly mind at this time I would have been mad as a hornet (been there done that too many times to count) during and after my run. My mood would have been just plain foul. I would have dwelt on all the reasons this run stunk. What I used to be able to do and now can't. I would have wanted to find the doctors that messed me up and smack the crap out of them. No! Instead I had an appointment with God, up close and personal.
In closing we must continue to fight the battle against our flesh. It robs us of joy, a joy that is sustainable during difficult times. I am not better than you...I am not holier. I struggle with all the same things. What I learned during this workout was that there is a stark contrast between the mind of Christ and that of the flesh (human nature). I literally experienced it. After I realized how thankful I was for the misery I've experienced I said this to myself as I ran, "whoa Anna...that was NOT you!" I laughed to myself! The mind of the flesh mentioned in the opening verses refers to our human sense and reason without the Holy Spirit. These are those carnal thoughts and purposes. Walking in the Spirit is allowing the Spirit to lead us solely. We are to think and act in a Godly manner. As hard as it is it is possible to retrain our minds to think differently. We just have to stay on top of the war that rages for our minds.
Monday, September 17, 2012
Monday, September 10, 2012
The Gift
Hi everyone! I apologize for the time in between blog entries. The topic for today's entry has been brewing for about a week now.
Dave and I had a big Labor Day weekend. We traveled to Tucson Arizona to see a new doctor. I had mentioned it in a previous blog. The appointment had been scheduled since July 5th so we had been anticipating the trip for nearly two months. During those two months I literally felt like I had a war going on inside me. The Bible is clear on spiritual warfare and the existence of it. Ephesians 6 is the chapter that dives into the whole concept of the war that is being waged against us believers. I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder saying, "this appointment will be a waste. You are spending all this money and for what? NOTHING. The doctor won't be helpful and will send you away with no hope." The angel on my other shoulder assured me this was going to be good. No, not just good...incredible. The angel was puffed up with so much hope. The devil was slumped over defeated. I stuck close to God during this time. If you read my last entry you know where my happy place is and believe me, I spent a great deal of time bowed before His throne just wanting to be near Him.
We left Thursday at 4 a.m. for the airport in Atlanta. Actually I had been awake since 1:45 a.m. because I couldn't sleep. I felt so many emotions. I felt excited, nervous, hopeful, terrified...the list goes on. Dr. Vliet uses the term "petrified excitement" in one of her books and that is exactly how I felt. We had a direct flight into Phoenix as to not risk any delays on connecting flights. We arrived on time into Phoenix and then headed for Tucson. On a side note, the desert is completely weird. Neither of us had been there before and were fascinated with all the "brown-ness." I do think cacti are just the most interesting things! We had time to takes showers and rest a bit before heading to my appointment.
When I head Dr. Vliet's voice coming from her office I immediately felt a sense of calmness. She had done a series of radio shows on the topic of hormonal imbalances a few years back. I came across them in June and listened to them all. Actually, I listened to some more than once and even more than five times. In each one she was talking about me. They gave me such hope. So hearing this radio voice gave me a sense of belonging. She also had a beautiful picture hanging on the wall of the waiting area. It was a piece of calligraphy art. It spoke to my soul. Dave took notice of the book sitting on the table that she authored years back. The title? It's My Ovaries, Stupid! Back to the art. I bet your curious as to what it said, huh?! Well, read below!
Hebrews 13:2) Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.
Before it was my appointment time Dr. Vliet came out and introduced herself. I had included practically a book of information for her and she thanked me for sending it. I had also included a personal letter and in it I shared how Romans 8:28 was my peace. If your not familiar with that verse you can read it below. I felt such peace when I knew she took the time to read my information and that she clings to Romans 8:28 personally too. She said it was her favorite Bible verse too and she had a version of calligraphy art at home with that verse written out. Dave looked at me and simply smiled.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
It was our time to meet with Dr. Vliet. My hands were sweating and I could feel my heart speed up. Why was I so nervous for this appointment you might ask. The main reasons follow: 1. we traveled across the entire country to see her, 2. I have not had good experiences with doctors, and 3. I so desperately wanted help (and hope). I won't go into all the details, but I will say this. It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE experience. Actually there are not enough adjectives to describe the appointment and Dr. Vliet. She and I were kindred spirits and there was truly a bond formed in the midst of the appointment. I knew I would be asked to start at square one. You know, start from the beginning. I dreaded this because it is just painful and I have done it with many doctors to no avail. It felt different when Dr. Vliet asked because I could sense her spirit. I could see if her eyes she truly cared about my words and listened. She wrote a book that I read titled, Screaming to be Heard: Hormone Connections Women Suspect and Doctors Still Ignore. I have screamed to be heard for years and now someone is hearing me...and cares. She talked to Dave and I for nearly 3-1/2 hours. I was not forced to share eight years of information in a seven minute block of time.
I told my friends I feel like the Titanic is beginning to turn another direction. Dr. Vliet did not have a magical quick-fix, but what she did offer was solid and sound knowledge that was backed by years of experience and by dependable studies on hormone care. She (and her staff) quickly became family. At the end of the appointment I gave her the biggest hug ever. Dave and I went to dinner afterwards and talked about all the helpful things Dr. Vliet said. I think we were both overwhelmed with information and needed time for it to soak in. I was so glad Dave was there with me. My journey has affected him greatly and in ways that are personal just to him.
So how does the title of my blog entry come into play? God simply gave us a gift. Satan was quick to try and spoil it though. What if she's wrong? What if Dr. Vliet still can't help you? What if this appointment wouldn't have turned out good? If your faith was sooooooo great than you would be happy regardless? What if God hadn't done with for you? For a few minutes I started to ponder those points. Well, what if He hadn't allowed this appointment to exceed my expectations? Then it hit me...this was a gift pure and simple. I don't know why God allowed it to go so well (beyond well). Why does He allow me to get Christmas gifts? Why did He provide such an amazing husband for me? A healthy child? My salvation? God taught me something rather quickly as I was thinking about these things. He told me He gave me a gift. I didn't deserve it just like I don't deserve His salvation. He also shared with me that He has some B-I-G plans for me in regards to this appointment and my relationship with Dr. Vliet. He told me to just say "thank You." As I began the healing process I have decided that my actions speak louder than my words. While God wants our mouths to say "thank you" He also wants our actions to say it as well. So stay tuned...the journey continues.
Ephesians 3:20) Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Psalm 30:11-12) You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
Dave and I had a big Labor Day weekend. We traveled to Tucson Arizona to see a new doctor. I had mentioned it in a previous blog. The appointment had been scheduled since July 5th so we had been anticipating the trip for nearly two months. During those two months I literally felt like I had a war going on inside me. The Bible is clear on spiritual warfare and the existence of it. Ephesians 6 is the chapter that dives into the whole concept of the war that is being waged against us believers. I felt like I had a devil on one shoulder saying, "this appointment will be a waste. You are spending all this money and for what? NOTHING. The doctor won't be helpful and will send you away with no hope." The angel on my other shoulder assured me this was going to be good. No, not just good...incredible. The angel was puffed up with so much hope. The devil was slumped over defeated. I stuck close to God during this time. If you read my last entry you know where my happy place is and believe me, I spent a great deal of time bowed before His throne just wanting to be near Him.
We left Thursday at 4 a.m. for the airport in Atlanta. Actually I had been awake since 1:45 a.m. because I couldn't sleep. I felt so many emotions. I felt excited, nervous, hopeful, terrified...the list goes on. Dr. Vliet uses the term "petrified excitement" in one of her books and that is exactly how I felt. We had a direct flight into Phoenix as to not risk any delays on connecting flights. We arrived on time into Phoenix and then headed for Tucson. On a side note, the desert is completely weird. Neither of us had been there before and were fascinated with all the "brown-ness." I do think cacti are just the most interesting things! We had time to takes showers and rest a bit before heading to my appointment.
When I head Dr. Vliet's voice coming from her office I immediately felt a sense of calmness. She had done a series of radio shows on the topic of hormonal imbalances a few years back. I came across them in June and listened to them all. Actually, I listened to some more than once and even more than five times. In each one she was talking about me. They gave me such hope. So hearing this radio voice gave me a sense of belonging. She also had a beautiful picture hanging on the wall of the waiting area. It was a piece of calligraphy art. It spoke to my soul. Dave took notice of the book sitting on the table that she authored years back. The title? It's My Ovaries, Stupid! Back to the art. I bet your curious as to what it said, huh?! Well, read below!
Hebrews 13:2) Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it.
Before it was my appointment time Dr. Vliet came out and introduced herself. I had included practically a book of information for her and she thanked me for sending it. I had also included a personal letter and in it I shared how Romans 8:28 was my peace. If your not familiar with that verse you can read it below. I felt such peace when I knew she took the time to read my information and that she clings to Romans 8:28 personally too. She said it was her favorite Bible verse too and she had a version of calligraphy art at home with that verse written out. Dave looked at me and simply smiled.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose
It was our time to meet with Dr. Vliet. My hands were sweating and I could feel my heart speed up. Why was I so nervous for this appointment you might ask. The main reasons follow: 1. we traveled across the entire country to see her, 2. I have not had good experiences with doctors, and 3. I so desperately wanted help (and hope). I won't go into all the details, but I will say this. It was an absolutely INCREDIBLE experience. Actually there are not enough adjectives to describe the appointment and Dr. Vliet. She and I were kindred spirits and there was truly a bond formed in the midst of the appointment. I knew I would be asked to start at square one. You know, start from the beginning. I dreaded this because it is just painful and I have done it with many doctors to no avail. It felt different when Dr. Vliet asked because I could sense her spirit. I could see if her eyes she truly cared about my words and listened. She wrote a book that I read titled, Screaming to be Heard: Hormone Connections Women Suspect and Doctors Still Ignore. I have screamed to be heard for years and now someone is hearing me...and cares. She talked to Dave and I for nearly 3-1/2 hours. I was not forced to share eight years of information in a seven minute block of time.
I told my friends I feel like the Titanic is beginning to turn another direction. Dr. Vliet did not have a magical quick-fix, but what she did offer was solid and sound knowledge that was backed by years of experience and by dependable studies on hormone care. She (and her staff) quickly became family. At the end of the appointment I gave her the biggest hug ever. Dave and I went to dinner afterwards and talked about all the helpful things Dr. Vliet said. I think we were both overwhelmed with information and needed time for it to soak in. I was so glad Dave was there with me. My journey has affected him greatly and in ways that are personal just to him.
So how does the title of my blog entry come into play? God simply gave us a gift. Satan was quick to try and spoil it though. What if she's wrong? What if Dr. Vliet still can't help you? What if this appointment wouldn't have turned out good? If your faith was sooooooo great than you would be happy regardless? What if God hadn't done with for you? For a few minutes I started to ponder those points. Well, what if He hadn't allowed this appointment to exceed my expectations? Then it hit me...this was a gift pure and simple. I don't know why God allowed it to go so well (beyond well). Why does He allow me to get Christmas gifts? Why did He provide such an amazing husband for me? A healthy child? My salvation? God taught me something rather quickly as I was thinking about these things. He told me He gave me a gift. I didn't deserve it just like I don't deserve His salvation. He also shared with me that He has some B-I-G plans for me in regards to this appointment and my relationship with Dr. Vliet. He told me to just say "thank You." As I began the healing process I have decided that my actions speak louder than my words. While God wants our mouths to say "thank you" He also wants our actions to say it as well. So stay tuned...the journey continues.
Ephesians 3:20) Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think.
Psalm 30:11-12) You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy, that my heart may sing your praises and not be silent. Lord my God, I will praise you forever.
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