Hey everyone! I could go on about how long it's been since I blogged last. I could say that time flies and all that jazz. Here is the truth though, 1. we moved from Georgia to Ohio and that's a pretty big, time consuming deal and 2. I have felt just kind of flat in my faith. That happens sometimes. I think sometimes Christians are taught that their faith walk should always be goose bumps, mountain highs, and closeness with God. Here is reality...walking with the Lord is messy, trying, and downright disappointing at times. Blasphemy you might yell. It's true though. We are often taught that if we have enough faith we can overcome anything. If we think positive long enough our wall around Jericho will come crashing down. Sometimes I feel let down by God. Don't worry, I am not telling you anything I haven't told Him. I think that's the key, that you keep talking to Him, keep wrestling with Him.
My thyroid is still ornery and I still don't have ovaries which means I have the hormonal profile of a 65 year old woman. The catch is I am only 35 therefore every hormone has to be replaced. If one is off then it causes a cyclical downgrading or overproduction of the others. Whoever thinks we evolved from an ape has clearly not been exposed to the dynamic nature of the human endocrine system! Dr. Vliet and I are still working on my levels and I'm still praying that God shows us exactly what to do. Fortunately I have a praying doctor who understands she's just a tool being used by the Father. So we continue to do blood work very regularly and she makes changes as she sees fit and then we wait to see what happens then we do more blood work and she makes further changes, etc. Sometimes I just get sick of it all. I'm not gonna lie...it makes me downright crabby at times. It's true...ask Dave and my BFF Jessica. So anywho, I will keep praying, and thanking God for how far He has brought me, and worshipping the One who created me, and I'll also continue to tell Him that I feel let down at times. I think that's the sign of a true and real relationship, honesty. I even have temper-tantrums to Him...and that's okay.
Job 30:20) I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.
Haven't we all felt this way at one time or another?! My feelings are not infallible. Just because I feel something doesn't make it reality. God may feel distant, but He isn't. It may feel like He's doing nothing to help me, but He is. You get my point. I love Job. I highly recommend reading the book of Job and doing a study or twenty on the book. Job was downright mad at God. He and God wrestled. Job was real. Job was man of integrity. He was decent, he respected God, and he stayed away from evil. This was God's description of Job in Job 1:8. My point is, God can take it. He can take my temper-tantrums and frustration. Even though Job was frustrated with God he remained devoted to Him. Job's own wife wanted Job to curse God, but he wouldn't do it. I don't think any of us know the pain and agony Job endured, but we can look at his life and learn many useful lessons. Even on my most frustrating day with God is better than a thousand days without God. I will remain devoted to Him despite my feelings. I will turn my focus to His goodness and keep on keepin' on!
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