This blog is going to full of random thoughts. I hope that's okay! I'll start out by telling you about our trip to Dallas, my time at the Congress, and finish up with some thoughts I have on the Brittany Maynard situation. I told you this would be random!
I know you are probably familiar with the fact I travel a great distance to see my doctor, Dr. Vliet. It is required by law to see her in person once a year. The first year I saw her in Tucson, the second year Virginia Beach, and this year the location was Dallas. Dave and I always make the most out of our visits and take in some local sights.
We really enjoyed our time in Dallas. I typically like my appointments to be scheduled at the beginning of our trips because I like to get them out of the way. I tend to get anxious before my appointments. I think it frustrates my husband somewhat. I guess I have this fear that my symptoms won't match up with my lab results or worse yet, she will say that she has no idea how to help me. It's really rather ridiculous that I get uneasy. Dr. Vliet and I share a favorite Bible verse so I often quote that verse in my head about 25 times a day during this uneasy time. It is Romans 8:28. It reads, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Dave and I love exploring in new places. We flew in on a Saturday so we knew we had to find a place to watch the OSU football game. We found this fun outdoor restaurant/bar that had several TV's. It was packed to the gill so we couldn't find a seat at first. The seating was all picnic tables. Finally we found a seat after being invited to sit by three guys. They were a riot. All were fans of different teams and all played college football in their younger years for a small Texas college called Abilene Christian. We had a great time with them! We saw people wearing gear from LSU, 'Bama, all the Texas Universities, OSU, Kansas, Mississippi State, and I'm sure several others that I'm forgetting.
The next day we ventured over to Dealey Plaza to the Sixth Floor Museum. Being the history buff that I am I was thrilled to go. If you don't know off hand what Dealey Plaza is it is the exact location that JFK was assassinated. The Texas State Book Depository has been converted into a museum. The Sixth floor is the floor that holds the sniper's nest. The window remains open and the floor is stocked full of fascinating artifacts, photographs, and documentary films. It's an absolutely incredible look back into the past. You could literally look down onto the Plaza and picture the Presidential motorcade passing by then speeding up, going under the triple overpass rushing to Parkland Hospital. We also took a cell phone walking tour of the Plaza. A white 'X' marks the spot on the road where the third shot hit JFK in the head. It sounds really morbid, but it is actually interesting to picture yourself being there waiting for the motorcade to pass by on that sunny November day in 1963.
Another fun outing was to the Texas State Fair. We had seen a giant billboard of Big Tex along side the freeway advertising the fair. Dave and I thought why not so we headed that way. What fun! We learned all about police horses, got to meet a few, watched Ostrich races, and took in all kinds of sites and sounds of a giant fair. We also took a few hours and drove to Ft. Worth to see the historic Stockyards. On my list of things to look for was a new bit for Jessie. Dave waited VERY patiently for an hour while I poured over about 300 bits at this fantastic tack store at the stockyards. What a guy! We also went to the new Gaylord hotel near Grapevine. Wow! There was some sort of convention going on there. We tried to figure out a way to get a badge so we could eat free food and stay! We shopped and found this amazing little pie shop and shared the best piece of pie both of us has ever had!
The last day of our trip involved seeing Dr. Vliet. When she called us back I gave her a big hug and we started right in talking. We went over all my symptoms and labs. Dave was right- I had nothing to worry about. My labs were all very off and she made the changes she felt necessary. We chatted about life and she always likes to hear about Eli. She told us about her adventures and Chile. We left with a new plan of care. I implemented the changes as soon as possible. I noticed some positive changes right away. There are a few things that haven't cleared up yet so we will give it some time and make a few more tweaks. One thing I have to remember is that to me this ordeal seems like it's been going on FOREVER. It all got very bad pretty much directly after having Eli. He will be eight in March. In reality everything started back at zero after my total hysterectomy and that was only 18 months ago. So things she tried BEFORE my surgery that didn't work may work now. That surgery was a complete game changer.
I am trying to really focus on small positive changes. There are a few huge symptoms that are still problematic and I get scared they will never improve. Honestly I battle that fear each day I wake up and they are still present. They aren't life threatening, but enough to greatly affect my life. I read a teaching a few weeks ago that really has stuck with me. Steven Furtick wrote an excellent book titled Crash the Chatterbox. It is about hearing God's voice above all others. He writes about being thankful right where you are at. This is the best way to disperse discouragement. There is always something to be thankful for. If you complain about the little things why would God bless you with more things? Luke 16:10 reads, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Here is an example. If a person can't be obedient to God and tithe off their meager income why would they be faithful to tithe off a large income? So I am applying that lesson to my health. I will be thankful for the small blessings and relish them genuinely and see what happens from there.
I suppose I could stop here on this blog, but I will throw in a few more things! My last blog was very horse heavy. What wonderful feedback I received! The Congress has come and gone. It went well and my sweet Jessie even brought home a medallion. Here is a shout out to Miss Bella. She got two excellent rides out of Jessie, one in her split and another in the finals. I should definitely give props to her mom, Jenn. Jenn is literally the best horse show mom...EVER. The Congress was certainly an emotional experience. The first day felt surreal. I am thankful to my friend, Jeana, for keeping me company. It was fun to meet Bella's family also. Even though I was surrounded by awesome people I still felt very alone. My Congress buddy is gone forever and there was no avoiding the emotion surrounding that hard, cold truth. The D'Onofrio family ran a gorgeous ad in the Congress program of Bella and her cute Roanie and Jessie. They even added a special paragraph under Jessie's picture dedicating Bella's ride to my mom.
Probably the complete highlight of the entire show was during the final placings. All the horses were lined up at the end of the Coliseum. During the final placings music was playing in the background. Just before the announcer called Bella's number Willie Nelson came on singing the classic Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys. I could not believe my ears! This song was seriously my mom's favorite song! I knew all the words to it by the time I was five years old. So as they read Bella's name, number, and Jessie's Little Chip this song was in full swing. There aren't really words to describe how this felt.
Okay, here is my last topic. I didn't follow the story really closely, but know enough to understand what happened to the poor woman in Oregon with terminal brain cancer. Let me first say I have no clue if or if she shouldn't have made the decision to kill herself using specially prescribed barbiturates. There is absolutely no way for me to understand what she felt both physically and emotionally. Let's be honest, even the people that support her have no idea what they would do in a similar situation. They may think they would do the same, but when the time comes they end up with an unquenchable desire to see another day. I am not giving my opinion either way. I seriously cannot judge her decision. I will say I think it's a slippery slope...the whole physician assisted suicide topic. Seeing pictures of Brittany before her illness broke my heart because I saw my mom, healthy and full of life. Brittany had her whole life ahead of her. I read where she and her new husband were trying for a family when she was diagnosed. It's just straight up sad. It is these types of things that make me question God's goodness. I have learned that He can handle my questions. He knows the heart within the person that's asking the questions also. Are we questioning Him with a mind already made up and a heart full of bitterness or are we questioning Him in order to learn more about His nature? The heart behind the questioning matters to Him.
I have seen several posts on FB about Brittany's story. Each share has several hundred comments below it. I have read many, many of them. The decision to end her life has been called brave. Or is it brave to live each day you have left the best you can? Is it brave to get out of bed each morning knowing you will die a painful death very soon? My mom showed an amount of bravery each day that surpassed any human understanding. My sister and I always wondered how and why she got out of bed each morning. The story with Brittany really hit close to home and made me think about my mom. I AM IN NO WAY GOING TIT FOR TAT ON THE TWO SITUATIONS. They are very different and in fact, the type of cancer was even different. Again, I'm not saying Brittany wasn't brave in making the decision she did. I simply am in no position to judge that. By focusing on the bravery she must have had to end her life it is assuming those battling terminal cancer right up to the end are less brave. It is implying that people like my mom are taking the less courageous or selfish way out. My mom was well aware of her fate. Believe me...she got it. I still have the sound burned in my brain of her screaming for hours on end because the hospice nurse let her go too long without morphine. It is hard to get the pain back under control. So I guess my point is it may be extremely hurtful to those people giving cancer (or any other terminal disease) hell right up to the end to focus on this woman's bravery. My mother displayed immeasurable courage to look in the mirror each morning and see a body ravaged by terminal lung and brain cancer and decide to get herself dressed and live what life she had left. Despite my mother's physical and mental limitations she knew God could use her right up to the end. She still lived with purpose.
I have also read comments where people say Brittany was sparing her family the pain of seeing her get sicker and she was sparing them the financial burden of caring for her. I get their point, but here is what I have to say to that. Again, it implies that people like my mom are selfish for desiring to live despite a grim, terminal diagnosis. Those comments are implying that my mom was only thinking of herself in refusing to give up right until the moment God called her home. My poor father literally carried her down the stairs from their bedroom to the downstairs bedroom that housed the hospice bed. He gets more then anyone what it is like to care for a dying person. Was she being selfish desiring to battle cancer knowing how much money her treatments cost?
Again, I don't know Brittany and can in no way say she was right or wrong. That was between her and the Person that made her. Honestly, my heart breaks for the whole situation. I am sure she was a sweet, caring person who loved greatly and was loved greatly. I just think by praising her bravery and unselfishness we can alienate people fighting for their lives. The last thing they need is to be made to feel selfish or like a coward because they have a burning desire to take another breath and fight a hellish disease. In closing, I think it is important to be sensitive to both sides of the coin...to people like Brittany who don't want to fight any longer and to those like Dinah Kruse who want to fight right up until their name is called.
I fully understand the wide variety of topics here! I also know this blog is very long. I apologize for both. My free time has become quite limited with homeschooling so I figured while I was typing and Eli was taking a cartoon break I had better take full advantage. I sincerely wish God's fullness to dwell within each and every one of you. God bless.
Tuesday, November 4, 2014
Monday, August 11, 2014
God Can Use a Horse
Disclaimer: This blog entry is all about horses, moms and daughters, and horses.
I got my love of horses from my mom. She got her first horse when she was about 14 years old. The mare was named Sandy and a picture of Sandy still hangs in my dad's house. I have been riding horses since before I could walk. My first show was at age two. If I ever come across that picture I'll have to post it. It's pretty sweet! The class was lead line and my handler was Christy. The pony was a tiny paint Shetland named Lollipop. I wore hot pink pants, a striped shirt and a GIANT hunt cap!
Isaiah 55:8-9) “For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
I got my love of horses from my mom. She got her first horse when she was about 14 years old. The mare was named Sandy and a picture of Sandy still hangs in my dad's house. I have been riding horses since before I could walk. My first show was at age two. If I ever come across that picture I'll have to post it. It's pretty sweet! The class was lead line and my handler was Christy. The pony was a tiny paint Shetland named Lollipop. I wore hot pink pants, a striped shirt and a GIANT hunt cap!
My days as a kid were filled with stall cleaning, barn chores, and horseback riding. Spring time brought foals, shedding horses, and cramming for Youth Show as we didn't have access to an indoor arena. Summer was horse show time! My mom and I loved going to horse shows together. We schooled through out the week and she set jumps for me about each and every day. Fall brought showing to an end, but the excitement of Congress was palpable. I showed at Congress twice and even came home with the "coveted C.R. Morrison" bronze trophy once. My memories of winter on the farm are of breaking the ice out of water troughs, trying to finagle intact hay bales from my dad, and layering on clothes before heading out to strip stalls. My mother always demanded that the horses were fed before we were in the mornings. She could not stomach the thought of a horse standing out in cold, wet weather. Sox was notorious for standing out in the worst weather even though he had access to a bedded shed. I clearly remember one time getting up in the middle of the night to bring that stinker in the barn.
Congress. Ah, Congress. That was me and mom's thing. My Congress attendance record ran from 1979 to 2009. That's quite a run! You may wonder what brought it to an end. Cancer. Cancer brought it to an end. My mom became terminally ill in March of 2008. Eli had just turned a year old. She got a horrible diagnosis. If you ever wonder what you would do if you heard your doctor say, "you have terminal cancer...WITH treatment you will live three to six months...and it is inoperable." My mother heard those words in 2008. Congress rolled around that fall. Odd it didn't stop despite our agony.
You must understand what Congress meant to me and Mom. When I was in school my mom always took me out for a week during Congress. It was truly the best time of the year. My friend Jamie and I ran around those fairgrounds solid for a week and then again on weekends! She and I used to run around the top of the Coliseum, eat nachos and pie (anyone remember the pie stand in the Coliseum?!), and watch the Open Versatility class. Forget sugar plums, we had silver saddles dancing in our heads. As I got older the tradition for my mom and I continued. As late as 2006 we would camp at the fairgrounds for about 10 days and we'd always time it for when all our favorite classes were held. She and I watched hours upon hours of pleasure horses loping around the Celeste Center. We would critique lopes and outfits. We watched Hope By Invitation win junior pleasure one year. We also saw Britney Pine lope bridle-less to the center to receive her trophy. There were the days of Held Captive, A Good Machine, Blazing Hot, Vested Faith...and the duals between Majestic Scotch and Vital Signs Are Good. We saw One Hot Krymsun win the Maturity. Another favorite was the Hunter Classic. We also saw fashions come and go. Any one remember the bright yellow craze or the solid white one? I still don't understand the dark green hunt coat craze. We saw the evolution of the western pleasure horse...from a free flowing ranch type mover to the peanut pusher fad of the early 90's. Coming from the actual hunter world my mother could never, ever understand the AQHA Hunter Under Saddle horse.
In 2007 I had Eli and our time at Congress significantly shortened. I think Mom struggled with this somewhat. Somewhere I have a picture of a teeny tiny baby Eli being held on a gorgeous Harris show saddle. We still managed to make Congress happen though. In 2008 she was critically ill and couldn't manage to have the camper at the fairgrounds. Christy and I booked a hotel suite for the three of us that year. It was awful. We drug her out to watch the Hunter Classic with our dear friend Lisa like we had watched years prior. The poor woman was so exhausted from chemo. she could no longer walk around and shop and look at puppies. The pain in Christy's and my heart almost took our breath away at times during that long weekend. The following year she didn't make it at all. I went one day with a friend and it was so sad. It felt empty. In 2010 Dave and I knew we were moving to Georgia in a few weeks and I knew my mom was barely surviving so no one dared to breath the word "Congress." I didn't attend. Everything had changed and I had to stay as far away from it as I could.
Mom passed away the following February. Dave and I lived twelve hours away and the thought of showing my horse or going to Congress was too much to bear. You see my mom and I had a mutual dream...of Jessie showing at Congress. She was good enough, easily good enough. My life didn't allow that to happen though. Jess and I earned lots of points over the years, but Congress was something different. I am the type that if I don't feel 1,000% prepared for something I won't do it. I'm safe I guess. I'm learning to be a little different. I never felt like Jess and I were prepared for that level of competition. If I didn't think we could place I wasn't going to show there. I had too much respect for the show and all it encompasses.
The years passed, the fall seasons came and went. Each October brought the same pain deep within my chest. The leaves were changing, the Congress was approaching, and my mom was gone. My partner in horse show crime was gone. So gone. The missing can be unbearable at times. Dave and I recently moved back to Ohio. In the months approaching our move the thought of Congress kept coming into my mind. Maybe I was ready to go back. Maybe I could even began to fathom driving underneath the archway. Maybe I could walk through the Gilligan snatching candy out of bowls and strangely enjoying the smell of ammonia. I was softening towards the idea. I know so many people that show there. My friend Jeana told me I should come up. I could stop by my trainer's barn to say "hi." I wouldn't be alone yet I would be.
In early July I saw a post that interested me. The trainer that I showed with for years posted that a client of hers needed a horse to show. The girl was a small fry so she needed something quiet. Her horse had gotten sick and was recovering. Jessie would be perfect I thought. The last year I had been riding her very regularly and always rode her like a show horse. Her spur stops were sharp, her showmanship pivots were top notch and her hocks had just been injected. I contacted Missy and within a week Jessie was being picked up by the little girl's mom. I got word that Jessie arrived safely and was settling in well. Missy rode her the next day and she was spot on.
Jessie attended her first show in four years about 10 days later. Bella and Jessie were complete rock stars. I couldn't stay away...I had to go watch. I drove to the show without telling anyone. I didn't want them to feel like I was hover mom and didn't want to add any pressure. I silently sat in the stands awaiting Jessie's class. The missing overwhelmed me. I missed my mom sitting next to me. I saw Jessie and Bella enter the practice pen and my pulse increased. I thought to myself, "Jessie behave yourself...just do what you know how to do." She did! They were amazing! They ended up winning and pulled off two seconds in their very first class! I ended up spending the whole day at the show with Jennifer, Bella's mom. I love her. I don't think she knows what a presence she was for me. Just having someone there to be with made such a difference to me when my missing was so intense. Miss Bella and Jessie ended up being circuit champions in Western Pleasure and Trail and they were Reserve All-Around small fry!
As I putzed around the show something in my heart ignited. It was a familiar feeling. Could that be my love for horse showing returning? I haven't felt these feelings in so many years. Maybe I could go to Congress after all. Maybe I could show Jessie again. Agh! What was going on in my heart and brain?! Was it possible that showing again was part of my healing process?!
After the incredible success attained by Bella and Jessie her parents and trainer decided they were competitive enough to make a run at a Congress medallion. They decided to keep Jessie and show her at Congress. I was so excited to hear the news and assured Jennifer I would be totally fine with them keeping the mare until October. Seriously, five weeks ago Jessie was my gorgeous pasture pet who still could bring it when I rode her and now she's being prepped for the remaining OQHA shows and Congress. She was shipped from Georgia June 1st. Had Bella needed a horse before this Jessie wouldn't have been able to fill this role. Had I not kept her in "show shape" she wouldn't have been prepared to be a show horse again so quickly.
This brings up a very interesting predicament. I can't not go to Congress this year. I can't not go and watch Bella and Jessie. I think God is freeing me up to go and enjoy that part of my life again. I can't stay away this year. I believe God orchestrated this entire thing down to every last detail. To top it off I have learned so much from watching little, sweet Bella ride my horse. Bella trusts the mare and the mare knows it. Bella doesn't pick at her face trying to get her "just right." Bella goes in that pen, sits tall, smiles, uses her legs, and guides the horse around. She has given Jessie incredible confidence and I suspect Jessie has done the same for Bella.
I would never guessed in a million years that my first year back at Congress would have me watching my beloved Jessie. I believe God is telling me to go back, to go back and revisit some of the most beloved times of my life. I can hear my mom's voice being excited that Jessie is being taken to Congress. I can see her smile and I can relive that very day in late March, 2000 when, at a breeding farm, my mom pointed out a cute little sorrel filly with lots of chrome. I believe God is using a horse and a horse show to help me heal even more. He is using that same horse and that same horse show as an ointment to a wound in my heart.
declares the Lord. “As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways
and my thoughts than your thoughts.
Romans 8:28) And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.
Thursday, August 7, 2014
Long Time No Blog
Hey everyone! I could go on about how long it's been since I blogged last. I could say that time flies and all that jazz. Here is the truth though, 1. we moved from Georgia to Ohio and that's a pretty big, time consuming deal and 2. I have felt just kind of flat in my faith. That happens sometimes. I think sometimes Christians are taught that their faith walk should always be goose bumps, mountain highs, and closeness with God. Here is reality...walking with the Lord is messy, trying, and downright disappointing at times. Blasphemy you might yell. It's true though. We are often taught that if we have enough faith we can overcome anything. If we think positive long enough our wall around Jericho will come crashing down. Sometimes I feel let down by God. Don't worry, I am not telling you anything I haven't told Him. I think that's the key, that you keep talking to Him, keep wrestling with Him.
My thyroid is still ornery and I still don't have ovaries which means I have the hormonal profile of a 65 year old woman. The catch is I am only 35 therefore every hormone has to be replaced. If one is off then it causes a cyclical downgrading or overproduction of the others. Whoever thinks we evolved from an ape has clearly not been exposed to the dynamic nature of the human endocrine system! Dr. Vliet and I are still working on my levels and I'm still praying that God shows us exactly what to do. Fortunately I have a praying doctor who understands she's just a tool being used by the Father. So we continue to do blood work very regularly and she makes changes as she sees fit and then we wait to see what happens then we do more blood work and she makes further changes, etc. Sometimes I just get sick of it all. I'm not gonna lie...it makes me downright crabby at times. It's true...ask Dave and my BFF Jessica. So anywho, I will keep praying, and thanking God for how far He has brought me, and worshipping the One who created me, and I'll also continue to tell Him that I feel let down at times. I think that's the sign of a true and real relationship, honesty. I even have temper-tantrums to Him...and that's okay.
Job 30:20) I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.
Haven't we all felt this way at one time or another?! My feelings are not infallible. Just because I feel something doesn't make it reality. God may feel distant, but He isn't. It may feel like He's doing nothing to help me, but He is. You get my point. I love Job. I highly recommend reading the book of Job and doing a study or twenty on the book. Job was downright mad at God. He and God wrestled. Job was real. Job was man of integrity. He was decent, he respected God, and he stayed away from evil. This was God's description of Job in Job 1:8. My point is, God can take it. He can take my temper-tantrums and frustration. Even though Job was frustrated with God he remained devoted to Him. Job's own wife wanted Job to curse God, but he wouldn't do it. I don't think any of us know the pain and agony Job endured, but we can look at his life and learn many useful lessons. Even on my most frustrating day with God is better than a thousand days without God. I will remain devoted to Him despite my feelings. I will turn my focus to His goodness and keep on keepin' on!
My thyroid is still ornery and I still don't have ovaries which means I have the hormonal profile of a 65 year old woman. The catch is I am only 35 therefore every hormone has to be replaced. If one is off then it causes a cyclical downgrading or overproduction of the others. Whoever thinks we evolved from an ape has clearly not been exposed to the dynamic nature of the human endocrine system! Dr. Vliet and I are still working on my levels and I'm still praying that God shows us exactly what to do. Fortunately I have a praying doctor who understands she's just a tool being used by the Father. So we continue to do blood work very regularly and she makes changes as she sees fit and then we wait to see what happens then we do more blood work and she makes further changes, etc. Sometimes I just get sick of it all. I'm not gonna lie...it makes me downright crabby at times. It's true...ask Dave and my BFF Jessica. So anywho, I will keep praying, and thanking God for how far He has brought me, and worshipping the One who created me, and I'll also continue to tell Him that I feel let down at times. I think that's the sign of a true and real relationship, honesty. I even have temper-tantrums to Him...and that's okay.
Job 30:20) I cry out to you, God, but you do not answer; I stand up, but you merely look at me.
Haven't we all felt this way at one time or another?! My feelings are not infallible. Just because I feel something doesn't make it reality. God may feel distant, but He isn't. It may feel like He's doing nothing to help me, but He is. You get my point. I love Job. I highly recommend reading the book of Job and doing a study or twenty on the book. Job was downright mad at God. He and God wrestled. Job was real. Job was man of integrity. He was decent, he respected God, and he stayed away from evil. This was God's description of Job in Job 1:8. My point is, God can take it. He can take my temper-tantrums and frustration. Even though Job was frustrated with God he remained devoted to Him. Job's own wife wanted Job to curse God, but he wouldn't do it. I don't think any of us know the pain and agony Job endured, but we can look at his life and learn many useful lessons. Even on my most frustrating day with God is better than a thousand days without God. I will remain devoted to Him despite my feelings. I will turn my focus to His goodness and keep on keepin' on!
Thursday, April 17, 2014
What Can We Do?!
Hey everyone! I hope that spring has finally sprung in the frigid north. It's been spring in Georgia for a few months now. We returned from our spring break trip to Utah a few days ago. Our break here is so late because it all depends on when the Master's golf tournament is. The entire city of Augusta changes hands during the tournament. We have rented our house the last few years so we have to be out at least a week. It's a great excuse to go somewhere fun. We enjoyed a week at the condo in Utah. We got to ski, enjoy some warm days, shop, eat awesome food, and relax. I hadn't skied in over three years so I was a bit rusty. I got my ski legs back pretty quickly though...well, other than falling face down off the ski lift when I meant to just stand up and get off! My knee is still sore!
We are building a new house in Cincinnati and the builder was needing our paint colors right away so when the plane landed we had to stop by Lowe's, Home Depot, and Sherwin Williams. This meant we had to detour off our usual highway route to the condo in Deer Valley (Park City). As we pulled up to a stop light we saw a homeless man, woman, and a cute little dog. He was holding a ragged sign that said something like "will work for food." As we pulled up to a stop he looked right at us. I rarely have cash in my bag, but this time I had a fair amount. I can't even remember how I got it. I felt like I was supposed to give him my cash so I told Dave to roll down the window. I used to think things like he probably spent all his money on alcohol or why doesn't he just go get a job or he must have made horrible life decisions to be in this position. I USED to think things like that. I don't think I thought those things with a mean heart. I think it was more about relieving my guilt on why I had so much. I MUST have done something right in life so I thought.
Recently I read a book titled, A Hole in our Gospel. It is written by the President of World Vision. If you don't know World Vision is a global, Christian outreach organization. They do amazing things for a hurting world. I read this book in a matter of a few days. Dave had taken Eli skiing in January and I stayed back to enjoy some alone time. I finished one book and needed something else to read. Dave had read this book years back and had told me several times to read it. I kept putting it off and always had another book that was calling my name. So this time I walked to the bookshelf to evaluate my options. I saw the hole in the gospel book and moved my eyes past it. It honestly felt like the book was lit up. I knew God was calling me to read that particular book. It was totally uncomfortable because it was so real. Did you know that half the world's population can't find work, feed their families, or secure adequate housing? Did you know between 21,000 and 30,000 children die each day around the world? I may sound like Debbie Downer, but that's reality. The author, Richard Stearns, was the CEO of Lennox china when God called him to take over World Vision. He was living in the lap of luxury when God came calling. It would be inaccurate to say that God calls everyone to sell all their possessions to serve Him. It's true we can serve Him in some capacity right where we are at. Matthew 25:45 says, "He will answer, 'I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sister, you were refusing to help me.'
Dave and I used to love the song Under Bridges by Brave Saint Saturn. I would say the album was out in maybe the late 90's. The first verse paints a picture of Jesus that greatly differs from the one you and I think of. It says,
Yesterday while walking,
Beneath an overpass,
I saw the figure of Jesus,
Standing barefoot on broken glass.
His beard was graying,
The smell of urine filled the air,
Asking if I had some change,
Anything that I could spare.
I am TOTALLY not judging anyone who is reading this because I don't know what you give to charity. I don't know how much you give to your church or if you tithe (tithe means 10%). I do not know your heart. I hardly know my own! There are people that certainly give more than Dave and I do. I am in no way telling you that I have it all figured out and am really a disguised Mother Teresa. I guess I just want to challenge you to start somewhere. If you don't tithe maybe just start by giving 1% off the top. I don't know, start somewhere...we all have to. If all Christians tithed we could turn this world around. We could change things for the most desperate people on the planet.
So back to my original story about the homeless man in Salt Lake. I don't know his story. I don't know what pain he has faced. I can't even imagine what he has gone through to leave him begging at a stop light in Salt Lake City. Is he an alcoholic? Maybe. Is his brain fried from drugs making him unable to hold a job? Maybe. Maybe he is a veteran that has PTSD. Maybe he has cancer and his unpaid medical bills caught up with him? Maybe he made poor decisions as a younger man and now he has a record...a felon? You know what? It isn't any of my business. I firmly believe God called me to reach into my bag and grab out my cash and give it to him. It isn't any of my business what he does with it. I want to obey God's call. I would even venture to guess that me grabbing my cash wasn't even about the homeless man. It was about me and what is the condition of my heart. It wasn't even my cash I grabbed. It was God's and He entrusted it to me. If I have a closed fist than He can't put anything else in my hand. It's all about perspective too. According to the Heritage Foundation America's poor aren't poor compared to the rest of the world. I found this stat interesting. 80% of America's poor have air-conditioned homes. Having said that I think it would be huge failure to neglect America's hurting in order to serve the poor in Swaziland. I think we are to do both!
I think about Eli too. He is so incredibly privileged. I think of other seven year old children in third world countries. Chances are they have seen unspeakable things in their seven short years. They could have lost one or both parents to HIV. They probably do not get to go to school because they 1. can't get there, 2. have to care for younger siblings or sick elders, 3. are too sick themselves, or 4. have to work to make money for their families. Eli can be whatever he wants when he grows up. He is healthy, has been vaccinated (sorry people who don't believe in it), has enough food at his finger tips, can run and play and learn until his heart's content. Why? He was born at a certain latitude and longitude. Same with me. Same with his father. I don't believe we should feel guilty for what we have. God has given you what you have whether you believe in Him or not. Why does He allow children to suffer and starve? I DO NOT KNOW and I will not pretend to know. What I do know is this...We have a huge responsibility to help the needy. There will always be someone who has less than us. We can't say, "when I have this much money I'll start giving some away to the needy." No. We are called to give now. Mark 12:44 says, "They gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on." I think the point here is the condition of the poor woman's heart. She had a giving heart. I think that is how we should be.
Look, again, I'm not condemning anyone reading this. I have a nice house in a nice neighborhood. We drive decent cars and take vacations. That isn't what this is about. Where are our hearts though? Do we think we are somehow are superior to the world's poor? The fact is we were born in the wealthiest place on earth and because of that we have a great responsibility to the hurting. Let's do something! Let's do more!
Luke 6:38) Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.
We are building a new house in Cincinnati and the builder was needing our paint colors right away so when the plane landed we had to stop by Lowe's, Home Depot, and Sherwin Williams. This meant we had to detour off our usual highway route to the condo in Deer Valley (Park City). As we pulled up to a stop light we saw a homeless man, woman, and a cute little dog. He was holding a ragged sign that said something like "will work for food." As we pulled up to a stop he looked right at us. I rarely have cash in my bag, but this time I had a fair amount. I can't even remember how I got it. I felt like I was supposed to give him my cash so I told Dave to roll down the window. I used to think things like he probably spent all his money on alcohol or why doesn't he just go get a job or he must have made horrible life decisions to be in this position. I USED to think things like that. I don't think I thought those things with a mean heart. I think it was more about relieving my guilt on why I had so much. I MUST have done something right in life so I thought.
Recently I read a book titled, A Hole in our Gospel. It is written by the President of World Vision. If you don't know World Vision is a global, Christian outreach organization. They do amazing things for a hurting world. I read this book in a matter of a few days. Dave had taken Eli skiing in January and I stayed back to enjoy some alone time. I finished one book and needed something else to read. Dave had read this book years back and had told me several times to read it. I kept putting it off and always had another book that was calling my name. So this time I walked to the bookshelf to evaluate my options. I saw the hole in the gospel book and moved my eyes past it. It honestly felt like the book was lit up. I knew God was calling me to read that particular book. It was totally uncomfortable because it was so real. Did you know that half the world's population can't find work, feed their families, or secure adequate housing? Did you know between 21,000 and 30,000 children die each day around the world? I may sound like Debbie Downer, but that's reality. The author, Richard Stearns, was the CEO of Lennox china when God called him to take over World Vision. He was living in the lap of luxury when God came calling. It would be inaccurate to say that God calls everyone to sell all their possessions to serve Him. It's true we can serve Him in some capacity right where we are at. Matthew 25:45 says, "He will answer, 'I tell you the truth, when you refused to help the least of these my brothers and sister, you were refusing to help me.'
Dave and I used to love the song Under Bridges by Brave Saint Saturn. I would say the album was out in maybe the late 90's. The first verse paints a picture of Jesus that greatly differs from the one you and I think of. It says,
Yesterday while walking,
Beneath an overpass,
I saw the figure of Jesus,
Standing barefoot on broken glass.
His beard was graying,
The smell of urine filled the air,
Asking if I had some change,
Anything that I could spare.
I am TOTALLY not judging anyone who is reading this because I don't know what you give to charity. I don't know how much you give to your church or if you tithe (tithe means 10%). I do not know your heart. I hardly know my own! There are people that certainly give more than Dave and I do. I am in no way telling you that I have it all figured out and am really a disguised Mother Teresa. I guess I just want to challenge you to start somewhere. If you don't tithe maybe just start by giving 1% off the top. I don't know, start somewhere...we all have to. If all Christians tithed we could turn this world around. We could change things for the most desperate people on the planet.
So back to my original story about the homeless man in Salt Lake. I don't know his story. I don't know what pain he has faced. I can't even imagine what he has gone through to leave him begging at a stop light in Salt Lake City. Is he an alcoholic? Maybe. Is his brain fried from drugs making him unable to hold a job? Maybe. Maybe he is a veteran that has PTSD. Maybe he has cancer and his unpaid medical bills caught up with him? Maybe he made poor decisions as a younger man and now he has a record...a felon? You know what? It isn't any of my business. I firmly believe God called me to reach into my bag and grab out my cash and give it to him. It isn't any of my business what he does with it. I want to obey God's call. I would even venture to guess that me grabbing my cash wasn't even about the homeless man. It was about me and what is the condition of my heart. It wasn't even my cash I grabbed. It was God's and He entrusted it to me. If I have a closed fist than He can't put anything else in my hand. It's all about perspective too. According to the Heritage Foundation America's poor aren't poor compared to the rest of the world. I found this stat interesting. 80% of America's poor have air-conditioned homes. Having said that I think it would be huge failure to neglect America's hurting in order to serve the poor in Swaziland. I think we are to do both!
I think about Eli too. He is so incredibly privileged. I think of other seven year old children in third world countries. Chances are they have seen unspeakable things in their seven short years. They could have lost one or both parents to HIV. They probably do not get to go to school because they 1. can't get there, 2. have to care for younger siblings or sick elders, 3. are too sick themselves, or 4. have to work to make money for their families. Eli can be whatever he wants when he grows up. He is healthy, has been vaccinated (sorry people who don't believe in it), has enough food at his finger tips, can run and play and learn until his heart's content. Why? He was born at a certain latitude and longitude. Same with me. Same with his father. I don't believe we should feel guilty for what we have. God has given you what you have whether you believe in Him or not. Why does He allow children to suffer and starve? I DO NOT KNOW and I will not pretend to know. What I do know is this...We have a huge responsibility to help the needy. There will always be someone who has less than us. We can't say, "when I have this much money I'll start giving some away to the needy." No. We are called to give now. Mark 12:44 says, "They gave a tiny part of their surplus, but she, poor as she is, has given everything she had to live on." I think the point here is the condition of the poor woman's heart. She had a giving heart. I think that is how we should be.
Look, again, I'm not condemning anyone reading this. I have a nice house in a nice neighborhood. We drive decent cars and take vacations. That isn't what this is about. Where are our hearts though? Do we think we are somehow are superior to the world's poor? The fact is we were born in the wealthiest place on earth and because of that we have a great responsibility to the hurting. Let's do something! Let's do more!
Luke 6:38) Give, and it will be given to you. Good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap. For with the measure you use it will be measured back to you.
Monday, February 24, 2014
A Few of Dinah's Favorite Things.
Hey all. For some reason last week I had my dates all mixed up. I actually wished two friends Happy Birthday on the wrong days! Fortunately they weren't offended! Last night Dave and I were getting ready for bed and it hit me...tomorrow is the 24th. You see the 24th is a big deal to me. My mom passed away at 11:45 a.m. on February 24th, 2011. It is so cliché to say, but I seriously cannot believe it has been three years. I mean three years! I haven't gotten to talk to my mom is just over three years. I rushed to Ohio two days before she passed away and by the time I arrived she could not longer talk or open her eyes. She didn't respond to anything we said to her those last few days. I had been home a week or so before and at that time she was able to talk and respond. So last night when I realized the 24th was fast approaching I sobbed pretty heartily for about twenty minutes. I told Dave that I still have such pain when I think about what happened to my mom...I mean the physical and emotional part. I feel more pain about that than not having her now. Anyway, I could go on and on about the painful memories of the last few months of her life (and they are too numerous to count) in this blog, but I decided to take a different route.
Ecclesiastes 3:1) There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...
I have always loved this verse in Ecclesiastes and the following verses also. I remember my mom quoting these verses. You see there is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. I learned many important lessons during the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. People think if they no longer cry about the loss they are doing so well and have moved on. I don't necessarily agree with that notion. Sometimes I will see something that my mom loved and it will hit me that I can't show her...and I will cry my eyes out. Other times I'll think, "gosh, I wish I could tell Mom what Eli said," and I won't cry, but think how blessed I was to have had such an incredible mother. It comes and goes..flows up and down. That's all okay. I bawled my heart out last night and today I don't feel like crying. I reminisced last night with Dave about some extraordinarily painful memories from the end of her life and right now I feel like remembering some different things about her life.
So here it is a random list of the things Dinah Ann Kruse liked. It is in no particular order and the list is not in order or importance. It's more a list of random thoughts that come into my brain. Some things I'll write about and others are just straight forward. Enjoy.
Spring- She loved planting flowers and watching them blossom. She loved the buds on the trees and shedding horses. She would remind me each winter (several times...Ohio has a long winter) that spring is a promise.
Horse racing- My parent's raised thoroughbreds throughout most of my childhood. My usual chores consisted of watering them, feeding them, and doing other barn work. Many a Saturday was spent stripping stalls. I also spent a great deal of time on the backside of a race track. Much to Dad's chagrin Mom would allow me to miss school to go to the race track. She loved a good horse race. She especially loved the Triple Crown races. Up until she could no longer travel she and my sister traveled each year to Baltimore to watch the Preakness.
The Quarter Horse Congress- As soon as the air cooled and the leaves started to change Mom would anticipate Congress. Spending weeks at Congress each October is truly one of the best memories in my entire life. We would go a lot with our friends, the Nicholls family. Jamie and I would cover every inch of that fairgrounds. Mom is the only person in my family that could watch an entire Junior Western Pleasure class with me...that's about 15 splits! When October rolls around now I feel some sadness still...Mom could no longer attend the last few years of her life. She had been to every single Congress since it's inception in 1967. I know the day will come when the October emotions will go away and I'll just be thankful I got to experience it with her...it'll come.
Her family- She and Dad were an interesting couple...complete opposites that accentuated each other in so many way. She was always annoyed that Dad was never getting gray hair. She colored her hair blond for as many years as I can remember. She said she would stop when Dad went gray...and that still hasn't happened. They were a great team...they ran a business, raised two daughters, impacted people with their faith, and built a beautiful home in all regards. She absolutely loved my sister and I with all her heart. It gave her utter joy that she knew she would see Christy and myself in heaven one day. She knew she could give us the latest fashions, a good horse to ride, and the list goes on, but none of that mattered to her. What mattered to her was that she did everything in her power to get us into heaven. She knew the decision had to be ours, but she was going to set us up for spiritual success. Mom pretty much loved my David. She trusted him with me and knew I was in good hands. Boy did she love Eli too. She insisted on him having Stride Rite shoes...lots of them! Mom didn't live long enough to see Christy get married or meet her stepchildren, but she knew Shane way back when he and Christy were in high school. If I remember correctly Mom was crazy about Shane. I know for sure she would love Shanea, Brayden, and Madison.
The Golden Girls- I remember watching this show with my mom as a kid. My dad often thought it was inappropriate at times! She and I watched this show as much as possible right up until the end.
Rush Limbaugh- I guess I would be considered a "Rush Baby." That is a kid that grows up listening to Rush. I remember her watching Rush when he was on T.V. and had the politically correct fireplace in the background. That was a T.V. screen inside a fireplace mantle with a video of a fire playing. She listened to Rush until only a few weeks before she died.
America- Talk about being Patriotic...she was through and through. She wasn't so crazy about what has happened to America. She loved the principles that America was built upon and actually had a mini-Constitution that she would reference. She believed in limited government and state's rights. She loved personal accountability and was not a fan of government handouts. She believed politicians had overstepped their boundaries...Republicans and Democrats alike.
Camping- Her camper was pretty much her favorite place on earth. It was such a cozy, homelike place. Nothing made her happier than hitching up the dually and heading down the freeway. I am glad she got to take Eli camping before she died.
Horse shows- Mom and I had plenty of early mornings at horse shows. They were the best. She would wake me up early and we'd get my horse loaded and off we would go. The dew on the grass and the warm sunshine were a sign of a good show day ahead. We would get our schooling in, eat breakfast and hurry up and wait. If you show horses you totally get what I'm saying.
Her home- She took her role as a homemaker very seriously. Well, cleaning wasn't her favorite, but other than that! My friends always loved coming over because my house was awesome. It still is one of the coolest houses I've ever been in. She had a tremendous knack for home decorating and loved HGTV. It wasn't just the four walls, but the feeling you get when you step into the door.
Her dog- I remember many of the dogs we had. There was Holly the Sheltie, Jake and Bailey the Corgis, Lacey, Harley, and Sky the Australian Shepherds. We lived on big horse farm so the dogs sure got grubby. I don't think they ever were taken to a groomers...just baths in the barn hose. One of her main concerns before she died was that Dad would take good care of Sky which he is. Boy, she would LOVE my little Olive.
Big hair and general gaudiness- She used to tell me that girls with flat hair couldn't keep their men. I still think of that! Really, she got along well with the 1980's and 90's! She loved bright lipstick, sequins, crystals, and diamonds. Leopard print was a favorite. In fact, Christy and I picked out a leopard shirt with sparkly beads for her to be buried in. Boy, did we get a good laugh out of that...Mom would have loved it!
Ohio State- Talk about being a Buckeye fan...she was it! She was pretty wild over Jim O'Brien (us Ohio State folks know who that is) and Jim Tressel. She never missed an O.S.U. basketball or football game. Actually, she did technically miss them because if the games got too intense she would go play solitaire on her computer. My parent's and their friends went to the Ohio State bowl game in 1999 in New Orleans. We played and beat Texas A&M. She remember how obnoxious the 12th man was! She also thought Maurice Clarett was too darn cute.
The underdog- My mom was one of those people who people opened up to. She attracted people that were just...people. I don't mean that disrespectfully. What I mean is that people that were hurting knew she would be there for them and not judge them. I think she felt that way because she came to the Lord really, really broken. Her life was very difficult and she knew what it was like to live out consequences. Her home life growing up was not ideal and she fully understood the pain people felt. I loved that about her.
Good food- She loved Italian food especially the restaurant Brio. Mom was also an incredible cook and baker. I can still taste her paprika baked chicken, chili, orange/lemon fan bread, apple pie, and chocolate-pecan cake. I am thankful I have so many of her recipes. We left her kitchen fully equipped after she passed away so when I visit my dad I have everything I need to recreate some wonderful meals.
The good Lord- I could write about this for ten minutes, but will keep it short. She knew what it felt like to be far from God. She experienced being changed by God. Her life was one way and after she found Jesus Christ it was another way. Her relationship with God was one of the most real I have ever known. That woman literally wrote on every page of her Bible. We displayed it at her viewing. She listened to static-y a.m. radio Bible studies. She always said she loved Him. I never quite knew what she meant until now. I get it now...it just took me some years of walking with Him. She would tell people about Him, but it was never abrasive. She knew she would just tell people what He had done for her and leave it at that. The last word she uttered through her death rasp was "Christ now." I believe that speaks volumes. I believe what we saw her experience in the last days of her life was not what she was experiencing in her soul.
Authentic people- She knew when you were blowing smoke. I hated this gift she had as a teenager! I'm tellin' ya you could not fool this woman. Christy, if you are reading this you get me. She was an excellent reader of character. I could be wild about a new girlfriend at school and she could meet them once and know they were up to no good. She was so discerning and wise. She used to tell me to pick friends that would hold your rope. She wanted to be around people with character who meant what they said and said what they meant. She was real. She was not perfect and knew it, but she never came across as anything but real. I aspire to be the same way.
So here it is...my random list. I could write 100 more. Dinah was a fascinating human being. I miss her.
Ecclesiastes 3:1) There is an appointed time for everything. And there is a time for every event under heaven...
I have always loved this verse in Ecclesiastes and the following verses also. I remember my mom quoting these verses. You see there is a time to mourn and a time to rejoice. I learned many important lessons during the grieving process of losing my mom to brain cancer. People think if they no longer cry about the loss they are doing so well and have moved on. I don't necessarily agree with that notion. Sometimes I will see something that my mom loved and it will hit me that I can't show her...and I will cry my eyes out. Other times I'll think, "gosh, I wish I could tell Mom what Eli said," and I won't cry, but think how blessed I was to have had such an incredible mother. It comes and goes..flows up and down. That's all okay. I bawled my heart out last night and today I don't feel like crying. I reminisced last night with Dave about some extraordinarily painful memories from the end of her life and right now I feel like remembering some different things about her life.
So here it is a random list of the things Dinah Ann Kruse liked. It is in no particular order and the list is not in order or importance. It's more a list of random thoughts that come into my brain. Some things I'll write about and others are just straight forward. Enjoy.
Spring- She loved planting flowers and watching them blossom. She loved the buds on the trees and shedding horses. She would remind me each winter (several times...Ohio has a long winter) that spring is a promise.
Horse racing- My parent's raised thoroughbreds throughout most of my childhood. My usual chores consisted of watering them, feeding them, and doing other barn work. Many a Saturday was spent stripping stalls. I also spent a great deal of time on the backside of a race track. Much to Dad's chagrin Mom would allow me to miss school to go to the race track. She loved a good horse race. She especially loved the Triple Crown races. Up until she could no longer travel she and my sister traveled each year to Baltimore to watch the Preakness.
The Quarter Horse Congress- As soon as the air cooled and the leaves started to change Mom would anticipate Congress. Spending weeks at Congress each October is truly one of the best memories in my entire life. We would go a lot with our friends, the Nicholls family. Jamie and I would cover every inch of that fairgrounds. Mom is the only person in my family that could watch an entire Junior Western Pleasure class with me...that's about 15 splits! When October rolls around now I feel some sadness still...Mom could no longer attend the last few years of her life. She had been to every single Congress since it's inception in 1967. I know the day will come when the October emotions will go away and I'll just be thankful I got to experience it with her...it'll come.
Her family- She and Dad were an interesting couple...complete opposites that accentuated each other in so many way. She was always annoyed that Dad was never getting gray hair. She colored her hair blond for as many years as I can remember. She said she would stop when Dad went gray...and that still hasn't happened. They were a great team...they ran a business, raised two daughters, impacted people with their faith, and built a beautiful home in all regards. She absolutely loved my sister and I with all her heart. It gave her utter joy that she knew she would see Christy and myself in heaven one day. She knew she could give us the latest fashions, a good horse to ride, and the list goes on, but none of that mattered to her. What mattered to her was that she did everything in her power to get us into heaven. She knew the decision had to be ours, but she was going to set us up for spiritual success. Mom pretty much loved my David. She trusted him with me and knew I was in good hands. Boy did she love Eli too. She insisted on him having Stride Rite shoes...lots of them! Mom didn't live long enough to see Christy get married or meet her stepchildren, but she knew Shane way back when he and Christy were in high school. If I remember correctly Mom was crazy about Shane. I know for sure she would love Shanea, Brayden, and Madison.
The Golden Girls- I remember watching this show with my mom as a kid. My dad often thought it was inappropriate at times! She and I watched this show as much as possible right up until the end.
Rush Limbaugh- I guess I would be considered a "Rush Baby." That is a kid that grows up listening to Rush. I remember her watching Rush when he was on T.V. and had the politically correct fireplace in the background. That was a T.V. screen inside a fireplace mantle with a video of a fire playing. She listened to Rush until only a few weeks before she died.
America- Talk about being Patriotic...she was through and through. She wasn't so crazy about what has happened to America. She loved the principles that America was built upon and actually had a mini-Constitution that she would reference. She believed in limited government and state's rights. She loved personal accountability and was not a fan of government handouts. She believed politicians had overstepped their boundaries...Republicans and Democrats alike.
Camping- Her camper was pretty much her favorite place on earth. It was such a cozy, homelike place. Nothing made her happier than hitching up the dually and heading down the freeway. I am glad she got to take Eli camping before she died.
Horse shows- Mom and I had plenty of early mornings at horse shows. They were the best. She would wake me up early and we'd get my horse loaded and off we would go. The dew on the grass and the warm sunshine were a sign of a good show day ahead. We would get our schooling in, eat breakfast and hurry up and wait. If you show horses you totally get what I'm saying.
Her home- She took her role as a homemaker very seriously. Well, cleaning wasn't her favorite, but other than that! My friends always loved coming over because my house was awesome. It still is one of the coolest houses I've ever been in. She had a tremendous knack for home decorating and loved HGTV. It wasn't just the four walls, but the feeling you get when you step into the door.
Her dog- I remember many of the dogs we had. There was Holly the Sheltie, Jake and Bailey the Corgis, Lacey, Harley, and Sky the Australian Shepherds. We lived on big horse farm so the dogs sure got grubby. I don't think they ever were taken to a groomers...just baths in the barn hose. One of her main concerns before she died was that Dad would take good care of Sky which he is. Boy, she would LOVE my little Olive.
Big hair and general gaudiness- She used to tell me that girls with flat hair couldn't keep their men. I still think of that! Really, she got along well with the 1980's and 90's! She loved bright lipstick, sequins, crystals, and diamonds. Leopard print was a favorite. In fact, Christy and I picked out a leopard shirt with sparkly beads for her to be buried in. Boy, did we get a good laugh out of that...Mom would have loved it!
Ohio State- Talk about being a Buckeye fan...she was it! She was pretty wild over Jim O'Brien (us Ohio State folks know who that is) and Jim Tressel. She never missed an O.S.U. basketball or football game. Actually, she did technically miss them because if the games got too intense she would go play solitaire on her computer. My parent's and their friends went to the Ohio State bowl game in 1999 in New Orleans. We played and beat Texas A&M. She remember how obnoxious the 12th man was! She also thought Maurice Clarett was too darn cute.
The underdog- My mom was one of those people who people opened up to. She attracted people that were just...people. I don't mean that disrespectfully. What I mean is that people that were hurting knew she would be there for them and not judge them. I think she felt that way because she came to the Lord really, really broken. Her life was very difficult and she knew what it was like to live out consequences. Her home life growing up was not ideal and she fully understood the pain people felt. I loved that about her.
Good food- She loved Italian food especially the restaurant Brio. Mom was also an incredible cook and baker. I can still taste her paprika baked chicken, chili, orange/lemon fan bread, apple pie, and chocolate-pecan cake. I am thankful I have so many of her recipes. We left her kitchen fully equipped after she passed away so when I visit my dad I have everything I need to recreate some wonderful meals.
The good Lord- I could write about this for ten minutes, but will keep it short. She knew what it felt like to be far from God. She experienced being changed by God. Her life was one way and after she found Jesus Christ it was another way. Her relationship with God was one of the most real I have ever known. That woman literally wrote on every page of her Bible. We displayed it at her viewing. She listened to static-y a.m. radio Bible studies. She always said she loved Him. I never quite knew what she meant until now. I get it now...it just took me some years of walking with Him. She would tell people about Him, but it was never abrasive. She knew she would just tell people what He had done for her and leave it at that. The last word she uttered through her death rasp was "Christ now." I believe that speaks volumes. I believe what we saw her experience in the last days of her life was not what she was experiencing in her soul.
Authentic people- She knew when you were blowing smoke. I hated this gift she had as a teenager! I'm tellin' ya you could not fool this woman. Christy, if you are reading this you get me. She was an excellent reader of character. I could be wild about a new girlfriend at school and she could meet them once and know they were up to no good. She was so discerning and wise. She used to tell me to pick friends that would hold your rope. She wanted to be around people with character who meant what they said and said what they meant. She was real. She was not perfect and knew it, but she never came across as anything but real. I aspire to be the same way.
So here it is...my random list. I could write 100 more. Dinah was a fascinating human being. I miss her.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
For or Through?
The 23rd Psalm
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
"A true relationship of trust in God extends beyond trusting Him for something and includes trusting Him through a situation," Joyce Meyer, Trusting God Day by Day, page 33.
After I read the above sentence I had to stop for a minute and really take it in. It is common to say we are trusting God for something. Maybe you are trusting him for justice, a new job, a healed marriage, or a healed body. The list is as varied as the personalities of the people praying the prayers. If you are anything like me the main focus of your prayer is asking God to remove the trouble. I don't know about you, but I really enjoy being comfortable. When a problem arises we immediately start binding Satan and doing "spiritual warfare." Now I totally and completely believe in spiritual warfare, after all, the Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 that we should be alert and of sober mind. Our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Like for real, this isn't a figurative verse. By immediately wishing away our thorn what are we missing? By focusing our trust on God for something what are we missing? A lot I say. We would miss out on the wealth of wisdom and discernment we gain during the hardest times of our lives. I would seriously not trade that for having my prayer answered instantly. I love what Joyce Meyer says in her daily devotion Trusting God Day by Day, "I need to learn to not simply look to Him for the results I desire; I need to learn to trust Him through the process of attaining them." I am maturing in my walk with God (thank goodness) and I am starting to pray different prayers.
God is teaching me to trust Him through situations. Rescuing doesn't usually come when I think it should. Actually in John 16:33 He tells us that we will have trouble in this world. Along with that promise comes one that gives me a great deal of peace. Deuteronomy 31:6 assures me that I can be courageous and not terrified because He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have questioned this verse at times. I questioned it big time watching my mother die of cancer. So He's with her? So what. Her vision and hearing are still failing because of the brain tumors. Her mouth is full of thrush because of chemotherapy. She won't get to see Eli grow into the Godly man she claimed he would be. When I pushed aside those feelings for a minute what was really in my heart came through. He was with her every step of the way. He was with her right at the end when she took her last breath and uttered "Christ...now." I do not pretend to have the answers on the why of things. I will bet the farm that she knew He was with her the entire time and would have never, ever wanted anything else. I asked God once to help me understand the whole 'He is with me' concept. He is with me and I still have this huge issue...God, help me make sense of this. I told Him I wanted to be comforted by Deuteronomy 31:6, but just was not. In my heart of hearts I heard this, "well, what if I wasn't with you..." I honestly don't even want to think of what that would be like and I guarantee my mother wouldn't have wanted to know that either!
So why is it easier to trust Him for things more than through things? This took some thought. Trusting Him for something has an immediate connotation. What did you get for Christmas? What did your husband/wife get you for your birthday? See what I mean? Trusting God for something leaves out the wonder. I know what I want and have already determined my desired outcome. Trusting Him for something makes it easier on me. There is minimal responsibility on my part. It is like an immediate miracle. In my case trusting God for healing relieves my discomfort right away.
Now on the flipside, trusting God through a situation is a bigger giant to bring down. T-H-R-O-U-G-H = T-I-M-E. Through is a journey from one point to another and often to get from A to B we have to go through the entire alphabet twice before we arrive. Just hearing the word makes me want to run away screaming, "I want it now, now, NOW!" It takes a healthy dose of God's grace to be patient when we are waiting to arrive. Remember the true definition of patience is waiting with a good attitude. Trusting God through a hard time in life requires me to activate my faith.
So let's take a closer look at the word faith. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." If you are anything like me that verse is totally confusing. I have read several commentaries on it. Each time I read I think I get it and then I don't. Here are some other ideas of what Biblical faith is. Oh and saving faith is something entirely different and that's not what I am referring to here. Anywho, here are those ideas. I hope they help you.
- taking God at His word no matter our feelings
- accepts God's Word: promises and warnings alike
- having a holy reaction
Using an active faith as I trust God through a troubling situation requires me to trust Him to choose my journey and my outcome. It also relinquishes my control in how long the process will take (ugh). At this point I can pray that my outcome take as long as God deems necessary and not come as soon as possible. Dave and I went through fertility treatments to conceive Eli. It was not an easy time in either of our lives. The treatments were very grueling. If you have ever gone through this process my heart goes out to you. After Eli was born my hormonal health got worse and worse. Incompetent doctors and ignorance on my part made it all worse. I have prayed everyday for over seven years for answers. They are coming in God's timing. Fast forward nearly seven years and I am making positive progress. My human side would have much rather had God give me the nod to my prayers immediately, but He didn't. He is bringing me through the matter. My heart is 100% grateful He didn't answer with a resounding yes when I wanted because I would have missed out on seven years of intimacy with the God of this universe. I am not the same person I was seven years ago and I am so very glad.
By trusting Him to take us through the trial it is giving up all control. It is waving the white flag of surrender. It is saying, "God, I don't know how long this will take. I don't know how this will turn out, but I trust You." I encourage you to rely on His integrity, ability, and character to carry you through. I hope you found this blog entry helpful and it enables you to look at God in a different light. My hope is that it is thought provoking and that you will ask God to show you how my words apply to you and your situation. When I type an entry it is truly like I'm typing it to myself. Pastor Furtick says often that he wishes someone would preach his sermon to himself. I feel the same way about my blog! I am eager to share what God has showed me.
The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
for his name’s sake.
Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,
I will fear no evil,
for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
You prepare a table before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
my cup overflows.
Surely your goodness and love will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
forever.
It seems that the 23rd Psalm is mostly read at funerals. That is surely an appropriate time to read it, but I challenge you to read it right now, but apply it to your life now. I made the fourth verse bold because that is the one I am going to focus on today.
"A true relationship of trust in God extends beyond trusting Him for something and includes trusting Him through a situation," Joyce Meyer, Trusting God Day by Day, page 33.
After I read the above sentence I had to stop for a minute and really take it in. It is common to say we are trusting God for something. Maybe you are trusting him for justice, a new job, a healed marriage, or a healed body. The list is as varied as the personalities of the people praying the prayers. If you are anything like me the main focus of your prayer is asking God to remove the trouble. I don't know about you, but I really enjoy being comfortable. When a problem arises we immediately start binding Satan and doing "spiritual warfare." Now I totally and completely believe in spiritual warfare, after all, the Bible says in 1 Peter 5:8 that we should be alert and of sober mind. Our enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Like for real, this isn't a figurative verse. By immediately wishing away our thorn what are we missing? By focusing our trust on God for something what are we missing? A lot I say. We would miss out on the wealth of wisdom and discernment we gain during the hardest times of our lives. I would seriously not trade that for having my prayer answered instantly. I love what Joyce Meyer says in her daily devotion Trusting God Day by Day, "I need to learn to not simply look to Him for the results I desire; I need to learn to trust Him through the process of attaining them." I am maturing in my walk with God (thank goodness) and I am starting to pray different prayers.
God is teaching me to trust Him through situations. Rescuing doesn't usually come when I think it should. Actually in John 16:33 He tells us that we will have trouble in this world. Along with that promise comes one that gives me a great deal of peace. Deuteronomy 31:6 assures me that I can be courageous and not terrified because He will never leave me nor forsake me. I have questioned this verse at times. I questioned it big time watching my mother die of cancer. So He's with her? So what. Her vision and hearing are still failing because of the brain tumors. Her mouth is full of thrush because of chemotherapy. She won't get to see Eli grow into the Godly man she claimed he would be. When I pushed aside those feelings for a minute what was really in my heart came through. He was with her every step of the way. He was with her right at the end when she took her last breath and uttered "Christ...now." I do not pretend to have the answers on the why of things. I will bet the farm that she knew He was with her the entire time and would have never, ever wanted anything else. I asked God once to help me understand the whole 'He is with me' concept. He is with me and I still have this huge issue...God, help me make sense of this. I told Him I wanted to be comforted by Deuteronomy 31:6, but just was not. In my heart of hearts I heard this, "well, what if I wasn't with you..." I honestly don't even want to think of what that would be like and I guarantee my mother wouldn't have wanted to know that either!
So why is it easier to trust Him for things more than through things? This took some thought. Trusting Him for something has an immediate connotation. What did you get for Christmas? What did your husband/wife get you for your birthday? See what I mean? Trusting God for something leaves out the wonder. I know what I want and have already determined my desired outcome. Trusting Him for something makes it easier on me. There is minimal responsibility on my part. It is like an immediate miracle. In my case trusting God for healing relieves my discomfort right away.
Now on the flipside, trusting God through a situation is a bigger giant to bring down. T-H-R-O-U-G-H = T-I-M-E. Through is a journey from one point to another and often to get from A to B we have to go through the entire alphabet twice before we arrive. Just hearing the word makes me want to run away screaming, "I want it now, now, NOW!" It takes a healthy dose of God's grace to be patient when we are waiting to arrive. Remember the true definition of patience is waiting with a good attitude. Trusting God through a hard time in life requires me to activate my faith.
So let's take a closer look at the word faith. Hebrews 11:1 says, "Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see." If you are anything like me that verse is totally confusing. I have read several commentaries on it. Each time I read I think I get it and then I don't. Here are some other ideas of what Biblical faith is. Oh and saving faith is something entirely different and that's not what I am referring to here. Anywho, here are those ideas. I hope they help you.
- taking God at His word no matter our feelings
- accepts God's Word: promises and warnings alike
- having a holy reaction
Using an active faith as I trust God through a troubling situation requires me to trust Him to choose my journey and my outcome. It also relinquishes my control in how long the process will take (ugh). At this point I can pray that my outcome take as long as God deems necessary and not come as soon as possible. Dave and I went through fertility treatments to conceive Eli. It was not an easy time in either of our lives. The treatments were very grueling. If you have ever gone through this process my heart goes out to you. After Eli was born my hormonal health got worse and worse. Incompetent doctors and ignorance on my part made it all worse. I have prayed everyday for over seven years for answers. They are coming in God's timing. Fast forward nearly seven years and I am making positive progress. My human side would have much rather had God give me the nod to my prayers immediately, but He didn't. He is bringing me through the matter. My heart is 100% grateful He didn't answer with a resounding yes when I wanted because I would have missed out on seven years of intimacy with the God of this universe. I am not the same person I was seven years ago and I am so very glad.
By trusting Him to take us through the trial it is giving up all control. It is waving the white flag of surrender. It is saying, "God, I don't know how long this will take. I don't know how this will turn out, but I trust You." I encourage you to rely on His integrity, ability, and character to carry you through. I hope you found this blog entry helpful and it enables you to look at God in a different light. My hope is that it is thought provoking and that you will ask God to show you how my words apply to you and your situation. When I type an entry it is truly like I'm typing it to myself. Pastor Furtick says often that he wishes someone would preach his sermon to himself. I feel the same way about my blog! I am eager to share what God has showed me.
Thursday, January 16, 2014
Jars of Goodness
Today will be a short entry. At least that is my plan! I'm reading the best book right now. In fact, I'm almost done with it and I know it's going to be life changing. It is title, "Change Your Words, Change Your Life." The author is Joyce Meyer. I could read her writing all day long. All of the books I have read by her have been outstanding. The book is all about the power of words. She says that words are like jars. We can either fill the jars with good words or bad. It's our choice. What we fill them with impacts ourselves and everybody around us.
Pretty much every single page is convicting and I have found myself praying my way through the book. Conviction is good though. Conviction is different than condemnation. Conviction is from God and condemnation not so much. I think when we are convicted in our spirits there is hope in it. With conviction, self evaluation, and the strength and wisdom of God we can be more. We can become a better human being. Condemnation just makes us feel downright rotten. Of course my definitions are not from Webster's Dictionary, but rather my own assessment.
As you know, there is so much negativity in the world. Everywhere we turn is a train wreck. I mean it's rather depressing if you watch, listen, or read the daily news. How 'bout we get a cable news channel that reports nothing but good?! I don't mean the false news of good for a certain parties political gain, but genuine good news. A few weeks back Herman Cain dedicated an entire Monday show to nothing but good news. Yep, I love Herman Cain! For example, I recently read that Braxton Miller is returning for his senior season of football at tOSU (raise the roof). Okay cool I thought then I scrolled down to the comment section of the article. I mean it was brutal. People were so mean. I get that some were "joking," but others were not. I also get that feelings run deep in the college football world, but come on people. For the record, I am not a fan of sarcasm because I think more times then not there is truth in what the person is saying. Luke 6:45 says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." I am pointing the finger of conviction at myself here. I so need to get better at putting out positive words. I'm not necessarily a sarcastic person, but I tend to be much more critical than I need to be. I encourage you to grow in this area and I want to be challenged the same way.
So as I was reading today I got to thinking about all the nice things I think that never see the light of day. I have really, really been trying to share encouraging words with people when they pop into my head. Today, I felt a nudge to text my best buddy, Jessy. I felt like maybe she needed to read something encouraging. Now I immediately thought I shouldn't bother her or she's probably doing fine, but the Lord wouldn't leave me alone about it. So I sent that text. Jess, if you are reading this I hope you don't mind that I shared this. I think the biggest challenge is just getting outside our own heads. What? You aren't as self-minded as me? Well, I still think about myself far too much, but man am I making progress.
Proverbs 15:23 reads, "A person finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!"
How great are the Proverbs?! This verse is awesome. If you want to feel more joy just genuinely encourage someone. You never know what that person is dealing with either. Your encouragement may be just on time! We all know there are enough negative words flying around so how about seeing how many positive ones you can put out there. I'm challenged. Are you?
Do you think the treadmills at the gym are kept really clean? Tell the cleaning person they are doing a great job. How about the friendly bag boy at the grocery that pushed your full cart to your car? How about thanking him? Thank the person that held the door for you at the mall. Tell the receptionist at the doctor's office her hair looks pretty if you think it. When the weather got cold here a few months ago the woman that owns the barn where my horse lives asked if I had a blanket for Jessie. My initial thought was sarcasm. Cold? She thinks this is cold? I'm from the north and this is NOT cold I thought. I even thought about telling her Jessie didn't need a blanket...she is a Yankee horse! Then I thought for a second...how nice was it that she cares enough about MY horse to ask for a blanket? Again, I'm not pointing fingers at you and telling you to get better. I desire to improve in this area too. I know I can be a negative, but I truly want to grow to become more Christ-like with the words I use.
I hope you find this encouraging. Again, I challenge all of us to search for good, life-giving words we can share with people. There are so many broken people in the world and so much pain. You never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors and maybe, just maybe, a kind word may make their day a little better.
Pretty much every single page is convicting and I have found myself praying my way through the book. Conviction is good though. Conviction is different than condemnation. Conviction is from God and condemnation not so much. I think when we are convicted in our spirits there is hope in it. With conviction, self evaluation, and the strength and wisdom of God we can be more. We can become a better human being. Condemnation just makes us feel downright rotten. Of course my definitions are not from Webster's Dictionary, but rather my own assessment.
As you know, there is so much negativity in the world. Everywhere we turn is a train wreck. I mean it's rather depressing if you watch, listen, or read the daily news. How 'bout we get a cable news channel that reports nothing but good?! I don't mean the false news of good for a certain parties political gain, but genuine good news. A few weeks back Herman Cain dedicated an entire Monday show to nothing but good news. Yep, I love Herman Cain! For example, I recently read that Braxton Miller is returning for his senior season of football at tOSU (raise the roof). Okay cool I thought then I scrolled down to the comment section of the article. I mean it was brutal. People were so mean. I get that some were "joking," but others were not. I also get that feelings run deep in the college football world, but come on people. For the record, I am not a fan of sarcasm because I think more times then not there is truth in what the person is saying. Luke 6:45 says, "A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in his heart, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in his heart. For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of." I am pointing the finger of conviction at myself here. I so need to get better at putting out positive words. I'm not necessarily a sarcastic person, but I tend to be much more critical than I need to be. I encourage you to grow in this area and I want to be challenged the same way.
So as I was reading today I got to thinking about all the nice things I think that never see the light of day. I have really, really been trying to share encouraging words with people when they pop into my head. Today, I felt a nudge to text my best buddy, Jessy. I felt like maybe she needed to read something encouraging. Now I immediately thought I shouldn't bother her or she's probably doing fine, but the Lord wouldn't leave me alone about it. So I sent that text. Jess, if you are reading this I hope you don't mind that I shared this. I think the biggest challenge is just getting outside our own heads. What? You aren't as self-minded as me? Well, I still think about myself far too much, but man am I making progress.
Proverbs 15:23 reads, "A person finds joy in giving an apt reply-- and how good is a timely word!"
How great are the Proverbs?! This verse is awesome. If you want to feel more joy just genuinely encourage someone. You never know what that person is dealing with either. Your encouragement may be just on time! We all know there are enough negative words flying around so how about seeing how many positive ones you can put out there. I'm challenged. Are you?
Do you think the treadmills at the gym are kept really clean? Tell the cleaning person they are doing a great job. How about the friendly bag boy at the grocery that pushed your full cart to your car? How about thanking him? Thank the person that held the door for you at the mall. Tell the receptionist at the doctor's office her hair looks pretty if you think it. When the weather got cold here a few months ago the woman that owns the barn where my horse lives asked if I had a blanket for Jessie. My initial thought was sarcasm. Cold? She thinks this is cold? I'm from the north and this is NOT cold I thought. I even thought about telling her Jessie didn't need a blanket...she is a Yankee horse! Then I thought for a second...how nice was it that she cares enough about MY horse to ask for a blanket? Again, I'm not pointing fingers at you and telling you to get better. I desire to improve in this area too. I know I can be a negative, but I truly want to grow to become more Christ-like with the words I use.
I hope you find this encouraging. Again, I challenge all of us to search for good, life-giving words we can share with people. There are so many broken people in the world and so much pain. You never know what someone is dealing with behind closed doors and maybe, just maybe, a kind word may make their day a little better.
Tuesday, January 7, 2014
Counting Blessings or Battles?
James 1:2-4) Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
Acts 5:40-41) His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.
Corinthians 11:23-29) Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?
I have wondered about these verses because here in America we have religious freedom like no where else on earth. We can talk about Jesus here and not get beaten and flogged. Yes, we may be called a bigot or intolerant, but I will take that any day over being stoned or boiled in oil. So how can I relate James 1:2-4, Acts 40-41, 2 Corinthians 11:23-29 to my own life? My trials aren't exactly like Paul's. James 1:2 says that we should take joy when we face trials of ANY kind. In my mind there are "religious" problems and "everyday" problems. It is very compartmentalized to me. God has been challenging this mindset recently. I also have "religious" dreams and goals and "everyday" dreams and goals. How can these two mesh? Bear with me as I work through this and try to explain it to you. In the end I pray it makes sense...to both of us!
When God allows a trial He desires us to handle it in a certain manner. Notice I said allow and not cause. I will not pretend to understand why He allows certain things and not others. I DO NOT KNOW and will never know on this side of heaven. I believe in heaven we may be privileged to that information. Of course I may be completely off base on that, but will not venture off on that rabbit trail. How are my sufferings sufferings for Christ like Paul talks about? I can directly relate Paul's (or any apostle) actions to his pain. This guy was out of control the Pharisees thought. He actually got stoned on his first mission trip. When the stoning was finished he moved on to preach more. He was being tortured because he wouldn't shut up about Christ. Let's not forget the ultimate sacrifice...Jesus Christ. To say He suffered is an understatement. Anytime we suffer for whatever reason we share a common bond with Christ.
When we go through something really hard it can do so many things for us. It can humble us, it can show us that we are not the masters of our own domain, it exposes us, it can also teach us that we need a Savior. Some people talk a great deal about how blessed they are. I can see how some people's declared blessings would make another feel really low about their own life. I hope when I say I am blessed it doesn't actually discourage another. We are taught to count our blessings and that is all well and good. I mean really, it's really good to count our blessings. It is not only good, but Biblical. If only the bad is dwelt upon we can become very depressed. So keeping your mind focused on the good is smart. I think we should look at the "bad" differently. Dave likes to call them opportunities. So when he does an employee review he shares the good they have done and also their "opportunities." Any challenge is an opportunity to see Christ work through us and to grow in character and perseverance. We all also know the Facebook person that constantly posts negativity and sarcasm. These people dwell on the negative. What about counting our battles? When we count our battles we are saying, "you know what?! I've been through some stuff, but I'm still here. I'm still here standing strong." There are problems we face that are a result of our sin and others problems come because we are living on the great planet earth. My mom didn't get brain cancer because she sinned. I didn't have to have a total hysterectomy because I sinned. Some people do get sick because of sinful lifestyles yes, but it's all between you and your God. Sometimes suffering is a result of poor choices If we approach Him honestly He will show you the root cause and in your humbleness you can work it out with Him.
What I am saying is to be proud of the junk you have been through. Do not be proud that you sinned or caused yourself and others pain, but be proud that your still standing by the grace of God. The pain, the hopelessness, the unholy thoughts didn't beat you. God's power flows through you and you are still fighting the good fight and when you have really, truly experienced God's redeeming grace you can't be quiet about it.
Watching my mother battle cancer and subsequently die was unbelievably hard. I have never, ever felt pain in my heart like that. There were some days that it was hard to breath and when I sat by her bedside I couldn't even understand why God would allow a faithful child to endure this amount of pain. Watching the mortician carry her body out of our front door made me want to vomit. I still remember the robe she was wearing...it was navy and white pinstripe and it zipped up the front. I remember grasping her left behind glasses and sobbing like I have never sobbed before. I remember cleaning out her closet the next day and opening a box that held the beautiful dress she wore to my wedding. You know what though? We all got through it. I can be proud of that scar on my heart because God is still God and He still sits on His throne and will one day send His son to earth to take His followers home. I can say to Satan, "you tried to destroy our faith (especially Dad and Christy), but we are still standing on His promises." We have become more loving, joyful, peaceful, tolerant, kind, faithful, gentle, and have more self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). Has my health/hormone situation gone like I wanted? No. Has it all lasted longer than I prayed for? Yes. Do I want to scream some days our of frustration? A big yes! Have I felt let down by God on occasion? Yep. Again, I look to our enemy and say, "I'm still standing and I have literal scars on me from a very unexpected surgery, but you can't beat me and you can't steal my trust in God." I hope you can see how my "everyday" problems transcend that and become "religious" problems because at the end of the day there is a battle between good and evil. I refuse to disown God and live in bitterness and selfishness. I can't disown the very reason for my perseverance. Only with Him can I behave with any remote level of grace!
Earlier I categorized two types of trouble. One is what I call religious trouble and the other is everyday trouble. Paul had some serious religious trouble. Missionaries that are being burned at the stake have religious trouble. Anyone who stands up for Christ that experiences backlash is experiencing religious trouble. The college student who refuses to be like everyone else because they are called by God to be different and experiences teasing and ridicule is suffering religious problems. See what I mean? I have been teased in my life because of my religious views and I have been labeled indirectly (and maybe directly behind my back). I wish I could say I suffered more for these views, but I think living in America in general will minimize that. We are so spoiled still despite the onslaught of taking God out of everything. So how do my health problems factor in here? How does the suffering we endured with my mother's death factor in here? Here is a major point to remember. Are you ready?! Anytime we are faced with a trial whether it be a job loss, a scary diagnosis, a child who is far from God, a chronic health condition, a lost relationship, the list goes on, IF we handle it with love, joy, peace, tolerance, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control we are overcoming evil. We are suffering for Christ's sake because those traits are the traits of Christ. Satan wants us to react with guilt, anger, frustration, despair, depression, victimization, self-pity, etc. Christ has thought of us worthy to suffer for Him. He has trusted us with challenges and has equipped us with the Holy Spirit to overcome evil for good in the middle of our pain. When we really grasp that suffering strengthens us and allows us to experience God like nothing else in the world then we can't keep quiet just like the Apostles couldn't keep quiet in Acts 5:42. I think the list of trials above would be considered everyday trouble, but you can see how I married the two. Even our everyday trouble can strengthen our resolve in Christ and enable us to live bolder in Him.
I listened to an absolute incredible Steven Furtick sermon this past Saturday. I listened to it again today. It pretty much rocked my world. Pastor Furtick talked about how we put blessings and battles into two separate categories. He challenged his listeners to really evaluate those categories. The blessing category is filled with all things we think of as good and the battle category is all the yucky stuff of life. He said many of the items in the loss category need to be added to the gain side. I love that! It really made me think of my own list and how off it probably is. By allowing me to go through some stuff God is actually complimenting me. He's showing confidence in me. He's refining me and making me a much, much stronger more compassionate individual. He is revealing traits of myself to myself that need improved upon. He has exposed friends that ended up not being there when I desperately needed someone and showed me the times I have been a lousy friend. Through my serious trials He has made me bold in my faith. He has made me more understanding and He has also revealed how little I trusted Him. He has stripped away much vanity and exposed me for the spoiled Christian I was. He has revealed how judgmental I was. He has exposed my natural tendencies of complete selfishness and navel gazing. I have also learned how unbelievably stubborn and unforgiving I have been. How can all these revelations be added to the loss category?! My battle column is sure shrinking! It isn't shrinking because my battles have miraculous disappeared. It is shrinking because my perspective is changing. I still have a long way to go. I love the following saying, "I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I was."
I really, really hope this made some resemblance of sense. I have these thoughts in my brain and heart and have to find a way to put words on them. One of my main goals is to encourage you. I want you to be better than you were before reading these entries. I want you to know I am no better or holier than you are! We all have battles both public and personal. As I have matured in my faith I have really held onto the following quote: "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." I can't even tell you how much I love this quote! I never, ever want anyone to feel condemned by my blog entries. I want you to know God loves you and has an incredible plan for your life. His plans far exceed any you can even fathom for yourself. Ephesians 3:20 assures us that He wants to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Here is to a 2014 full of "blessings!"
Acts 5:40-41) His speech persuaded them. They called the apostles in and had them flogged. Then they ordered them not to speak in the name of Jesus, and let them go. The apostles left the Sanhedrin, rejoicing because they had been counted worthy of suffering disgrace for the Name. Day after day, in the temple courts and from house to house, they never stopped teaching and proclaiming the good news that Jesus is the Messiah.
Corinthians 11:23-29) Are they servants of Christ? (I am out of my mind to talk like this.) I am more. I have worked much harder, been in prison more frequently, been flogged more severely, and been exposed to death again and again. Five times I received from the Jews the forty lashes minus one. Three times I was beaten with rods, once I was pelted with stones, three times I was shipwrecked, I spent a night and a day in the open sea, I have been constantly on the move. I have been in danger from rivers, in danger from bandits, in danger from my fellow Jews, in danger from Gentiles; in danger in the city, in danger in the country, in danger at sea; and in danger from false believers. I have labored and toiled and have often gone without sleep; I have known hunger and thirst and have often gone without food; I have been cold and naked. Besides everything else, I face daily the pressure of my concern for all the churches. Who is weak, and I do not feel weak? Who is led into sin, and I do not inwardly burn?
I have wondered about these verses because here in America we have religious freedom like no where else on earth. We can talk about Jesus here and not get beaten and flogged. Yes, we may be called a bigot or intolerant, but I will take that any day over being stoned or boiled in oil. So how can I relate James 1:2-4, Acts 40-41, 2 Corinthians 11:23-29 to my own life? My trials aren't exactly like Paul's. James 1:2 says that we should take joy when we face trials of ANY kind. In my mind there are "religious" problems and "everyday" problems. It is very compartmentalized to me. God has been challenging this mindset recently. I also have "religious" dreams and goals and "everyday" dreams and goals. How can these two mesh? Bear with me as I work through this and try to explain it to you. In the end I pray it makes sense...to both of us!
When God allows a trial He desires us to handle it in a certain manner. Notice I said allow and not cause. I will not pretend to understand why He allows certain things and not others. I DO NOT KNOW and will never know on this side of heaven. I believe in heaven we may be privileged to that information. Of course I may be completely off base on that, but will not venture off on that rabbit trail. How are my sufferings sufferings for Christ like Paul talks about? I can directly relate Paul's (or any apostle) actions to his pain. This guy was out of control the Pharisees thought. He actually got stoned on his first mission trip. When the stoning was finished he moved on to preach more. He was being tortured because he wouldn't shut up about Christ. Let's not forget the ultimate sacrifice...Jesus Christ. To say He suffered is an understatement. Anytime we suffer for whatever reason we share a common bond with Christ.
When we go through something really hard it can do so many things for us. It can humble us, it can show us that we are not the masters of our own domain, it exposes us, it can also teach us that we need a Savior. Some people talk a great deal about how blessed they are. I can see how some people's declared blessings would make another feel really low about their own life. I hope when I say I am blessed it doesn't actually discourage another. We are taught to count our blessings and that is all well and good. I mean really, it's really good to count our blessings. It is not only good, but Biblical. If only the bad is dwelt upon we can become very depressed. So keeping your mind focused on the good is smart. I think we should look at the "bad" differently. Dave likes to call them opportunities. So when he does an employee review he shares the good they have done and also their "opportunities." Any challenge is an opportunity to see Christ work through us and to grow in character and perseverance. We all also know the Facebook person that constantly posts negativity and sarcasm. These people dwell on the negative. What about counting our battles? When we count our battles we are saying, "you know what?! I've been through some stuff, but I'm still here. I'm still here standing strong." There are problems we face that are a result of our sin and others problems come because we are living on the great planet earth. My mom didn't get brain cancer because she sinned. I didn't have to have a total hysterectomy because I sinned. Some people do get sick because of sinful lifestyles yes, but it's all between you and your God. Sometimes suffering is a result of poor choices If we approach Him honestly He will show you the root cause and in your humbleness you can work it out with Him.
What I am saying is to be proud of the junk you have been through. Do not be proud that you sinned or caused yourself and others pain, but be proud that your still standing by the grace of God. The pain, the hopelessness, the unholy thoughts didn't beat you. God's power flows through you and you are still fighting the good fight and when you have really, truly experienced God's redeeming grace you can't be quiet about it.
Watching my mother battle cancer and subsequently die was unbelievably hard. I have never, ever felt pain in my heart like that. There were some days that it was hard to breath and when I sat by her bedside I couldn't even understand why God would allow a faithful child to endure this amount of pain. Watching the mortician carry her body out of our front door made me want to vomit. I still remember the robe she was wearing...it was navy and white pinstripe and it zipped up the front. I remember grasping her left behind glasses and sobbing like I have never sobbed before. I remember cleaning out her closet the next day and opening a box that held the beautiful dress she wore to my wedding. You know what though? We all got through it. I can be proud of that scar on my heart because God is still God and He still sits on His throne and will one day send His son to earth to take His followers home. I can say to Satan, "you tried to destroy our faith (especially Dad and Christy), but we are still standing on His promises." We have become more loving, joyful, peaceful, tolerant, kind, faithful, gentle, and have more self-control (Gal. 5:22-23). Has my health/hormone situation gone like I wanted? No. Has it all lasted longer than I prayed for? Yes. Do I want to scream some days our of frustration? A big yes! Have I felt let down by God on occasion? Yep. Again, I look to our enemy and say, "I'm still standing and I have literal scars on me from a very unexpected surgery, but you can't beat me and you can't steal my trust in God." I hope you can see how my "everyday" problems transcend that and become "religious" problems because at the end of the day there is a battle between good and evil. I refuse to disown God and live in bitterness and selfishness. I can't disown the very reason for my perseverance. Only with Him can I behave with any remote level of grace!
Earlier I categorized two types of trouble. One is what I call religious trouble and the other is everyday trouble. Paul had some serious religious trouble. Missionaries that are being burned at the stake have religious trouble. Anyone who stands up for Christ that experiences backlash is experiencing religious trouble. The college student who refuses to be like everyone else because they are called by God to be different and experiences teasing and ridicule is suffering religious problems. See what I mean? I have been teased in my life because of my religious views and I have been labeled indirectly (and maybe directly behind my back). I wish I could say I suffered more for these views, but I think living in America in general will minimize that. We are so spoiled still despite the onslaught of taking God out of everything. So how do my health problems factor in here? How does the suffering we endured with my mother's death factor in here? Here is a major point to remember. Are you ready?! Anytime we are faced with a trial whether it be a job loss, a scary diagnosis, a child who is far from God, a chronic health condition, a lost relationship, the list goes on, IF we handle it with love, joy, peace, tolerance, kindness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control we are overcoming evil. We are suffering for Christ's sake because those traits are the traits of Christ. Satan wants us to react with guilt, anger, frustration, despair, depression, victimization, self-pity, etc. Christ has thought of us worthy to suffer for Him. He has trusted us with challenges and has equipped us with the Holy Spirit to overcome evil for good in the middle of our pain. When we really grasp that suffering strengthens us and allows us to experience God like nothing else in the world then we can't keep quiet just like the Apostles couldn't keep quiet in Acts 5:42. I think the list of trials above would be considered everyday trouble, but you can see how I married the two. Even our everyday trouble can strengthen our resolve in Christ and enable us to live bolder in Him.
I listened to an absolute incredible Steven Furtick sermon this past Saturday. I listened to it again today. It pretty much rocked my world. Pastor Furtick talked about how we put blessings and battles into two separate categories. He challenged his listeners to really evaluate those categories. The blessing category is filled with all things we think of as good and the battle category is all the yucky stuff of life. He said many of the items in the loss category need to be added to the gain side. I love that! It really made me think of my own list and how off it probably is. By allowing me to go through some stuff God is actually complimenting me. He's showing confidence in me. He's refining me and making me a much, much stronger more compassionate individual. He is revealing traits of myself to myself that need improved upon. He has exposed friends that ended up not being there when I desperately needed someone and showed me the times I have been a lousy friend. Through my serious trials He has made me bold in my faith. He has made me more understanding and He has also revealed how little I trusted Him. He has stripped away much vanity and exposed me for the spoiled Christian I was. He has revealed how judgmental I was. He has exposed my natural tendencies of complete selfishness and navel gazing. I have also learned how unbelievably stubborn and unforgiving I have been. How can all these revelations be added to the loss category?! My battle column is sure shrinking! It isn't shrinking because my battles have miraculous disappeared. It is shrinking because my perspective is changing. I still have a long way to go. I love the following saying, "I am not where I need to be, but thank God I am not where I was."
I really, really hope this made some resemblance of sense. I have these thoughts in my brain and heart and have to find a way to put words on them. One of my main goals is to encourage you. I want you to be better than you were before reading these entries. I want you to know I am no better or holier than you are! We all have battles both public and personal. As I have matured in my faith I have really held onto the following quote: "Be kinder than necessary because everyone you meet is fighting some kind of battle." I can't even tell you how much I love this quote! I never, ever want anyone to feel condemned by my blog entries. I want you to know God loves you and has an incredible plan for your life. His plans far exceed any you can even fathom for yourself. Ephesians 3:20 assures us that He wants to do immeasurably more than we can ask or imagine. Here is to a 2014 full of "blessings!"
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