Hi all! I have missed chatting with everyone via my blog. I can't believe the last time I checked in was February! I remember clearly we had a giant snow storm and today it is 84 degrees outside! My winter/spring ended up being super busy. Between homeschooling Eli and working at Bailey Quarter horse farm I didn't have much down time. I absolutely loved homeschooling Eli AND I enjoyed working at the farm also. Hollywood celebrities do not excite me. I have horse celebrities and One Hot Krymsun is definitely one of them...I absolutely loved grooming him. He especially likes being vacuumed. Anyway, I'm so happy to be doing this entry.
I have had the idea to do this entry for quite awhile now. I am not sure if this was mentioned in any of my previous blog entries, but I had plans to show Jessie this spring/summer. We worked really hard all winter taking lessons from Jamie Watson (the Trail guru extraordinaire) and practicing our lope overs, backthroughs and boxes for hours. Jessie ended up getting injured somehow and could never get sound. This was fairly devastating to say the least. I was so incredibly disappointed.
On another topic my hormone situation had been very stagnant all winter. I hadn't felt worse, but I hadn't felt better. So many symptoms were still around. Honestly, I had been at the end up my rope many times before yet somehow my rope just kept getting longer and longer. There has been many of a prayer session that just was silent because my words have dried up. God knows I want to get better...how many times can I ask Him?! So by the time spring rolled around I just didn't know what to do anymore. My doctor's plan was just not working for me. Here is the medication schedule I was on...excuse me I'll be right back. I am going to pound my head against a concrete wall!
before breakfast- two thyroid medications
8 a.m.- oral testosterone (or topical application), daily vitamins, estrogen gel
noon- oral testosterone (or topical application), estrogen gel, thyroid medication
2 p.m.- estrogen gel
4 p.m.- oral testosterone
8 p.m.- estrogen gel
before bed- p.m. vitamins, estrogen gel
* change my estrogen patch every day
* we even tried muscular injections
Seriously. My phone alarm was going off constantly. I began to think there has got to be another way plus I still wasn't feel very good. A person can tolerate about anything if they see results which I wasn't.
I am not sure where the idea was introduced to me about asking God to surprise us. Instead of praying to God and asking for the things you think you want or need the concept is to allow God to surprise you with what He wants for you. There is even a book written about it. I ordered the book and to be honest, I didn't love the book. The concept intrigued me though so around January I began to pray this prayer. It's a bit risky. What if He wants something for me I don't want. I mean it could happen, right?! Nothing really seem to be happening. I still physically felt lousy. Jess was not improving despite trying many different treatments. She would get sound so I thought and each time I would try to ride her she would be off the next day. Ugh. I can't exactly remember the time frame for what was about to unfold.
A friend of Becky Bailey's (owner of Bailey QH and One Hot Krymsun) came to board at the barn in February. He boards at her place for a few months each winter so he can began to get his horses back into shape for the upcoming show season. The horse he brought was named George. Becky had talked a lot about the horse before and I met the owners briefly at another show. They seemed like super great people. I was definitely impressed with George's show record! Jimmy let me ride George one time at the barn because he knew Jessie was unsound. We actually got along pretty well. Fast forward a few weeks and it appears that maybe I could ride George on a regular basis. Jimmy is a crazy good teacher and I love his wife, Sandy. There was a big blaring issue though...I could not turn George for the life of me. We would lope into the corner and stop each and every time. For some reason, Jimmy kept letting me ride George and helping me learn how to ride him. Sandy was also really supportive and kind. For about two month straight I rode George and could not turn him!
After talking and talking Jimmy, Sandy, and I worked it out that I could lease Georgy. Oh about May I began to be able to turn George. Come to find out my heels were slid back a bit too far. So every time I would ask him to turn he would swing his hip over! Words can't really explain what it has been like to ride and learn on George. Jimmy is a very gifted teacher and Sandy is excellent at helping me get ready and giving me directions in the pen. She and I also have a really good time together! I have grown to love George like he is my own and they have been incredible about making me feel like he is my own. As the months progressed it dawned on me that the opportunity with George came on the heels of my "surprise me" prayer I prayed every day for months and months. I never put the two together until somewhat recently. We have been able to travel all over showing AQHA. George and I have done really, really well together. We had a great show this past weekend...the best yet. Being able to ride and show George has truly been an honor and gift from God. I fully recognize God orchestrated this relationship. I dearly love Jimmy and Sandy also and am thankful for the impact they have had on my life. They have taught me about generosity, kindness, and encouragement. The amount I have learned about riding has been amazing. Fortunately I am able to ride George three to four days a week. There is nothing that can replace time in the saddle. The show pen experience is like none other also. I promise you, showing a Western Pleasure horse is INCREDIBLY difficult. There are about 1,395 things going through my head during one given class. I am thinking: keep my legs on him...not too much or else he will stop, keep his head tipped slightly to the left, do I lope now or wait until the horse in front of me goes, his jog is a little faster so I have to really plan ahead, USE THE CORNERS, trust his slow lope, shoulders back, chin up, why are there so many other horses in this class, oh my gosh the horse in front of me kicked the fence, I just got cut off, I hope I don't cut someone else off...OMG, I think I might throw up! The one constant though is that I can spot Jimmy and Sandy on the rail calmly helping me. They might not even realize the impact that has on me. So onward and upward Giorgio de Krymsun and I go! The sky is the limit for the two of us!
Another interesting and unexpected thing that happened was that we bred Jessie in March. I had literally dreamed of being able to do this from the time I got her as a baby. She is a lovely mare and has so many positive features. She is extremely well bred, talented, beautiful, and so so sweet. She is the kind of mare that should have a baby. Roughly ten years ago my mom and I watched Jet (One Hot Krymsun) win the Western Pleasure Maturity at the Congress. We were both just wild about him. It turned out after the Congress in October Jessie was going to live at Bailey farm where OHK stands. I really had no intention of breeding her since she was going to show another year. I guess in the back of my mind was the thought of breeding her next year. She is 15 though and a maiden mare. I knew it could be harder to get her into foal. So when we couldn't get her sound my husband agreed to trying to breed her. Becky is so knowledgeable on this so I knew if anyone was going to get her into foal it was going to be Becky. Becky has become a dear, dear friend to me also. Eli loves her so much. Jessie caught on the very first try! I still remember when Becky called me to tell me the good news. I got goose bumps all over and got choked up. This was a dream come true. I couldn't help but think how overjoyed my mom would be. "God surprise me," I prayed day after day for months before. Coincidence? I think not.
Okay, back to my health dealio. In early April I came across a book written by a doctor in St. Louis, Missouri. When I read the description I just knew I needed the book. I found Dr. Vliet by first reading her book. This new doctor offered a completely different way of treating women (mostly who have had hysterectomies or have gone through natural menopause). She implants tiny hormone pellets into the hip region. Crazy. This means no more gels, patches, or pills. The hormones are released as the blood flows by. This all sounded so intriguing to me. In my usual tendency I researched this method for weeks on end. What interested me so much was the ease of use and the positive way the body responds to hormones that do not pass through the liver first or the skin. Hormones change form as they pass though and become a different substance that has negative side effects. Dr. Maupin's book was eye opening in many ways. David and I had a long talk and decided it wouldn't hurt to try this new treatment!
I called the doctor's office for additional information. They prescreen each person with an in depth questionnaire and evaluate your case by having blood work done. A few weeks later the office called and said they would like to see me! Oh my! The downside?! They couldn't see me for three months!!! How devastating. What could I do though? Pray and pray for a cancellation. I did this off and on then one week in May I decided I was going to really buckle down and pray for a cancellation to come in. My sister prayed. David prayed. My two closest friends prayed. One day in late May the office called and asked if I could make it to St. Louis in three days. So Dave and I loaded up the car (and Eli) and hit the road. My nerves were screaming because just three years ago we flew to Arizona to meet another doctor. How could God be taking me in a different direction?! What if this treatment doesn't work? The what ifs were filling my brain. The rawness of my emotions were numbing in a way. Questions were spilling over into my prayer time. I felt a peace in the midst of the chaos in my heart. I couldn't help but feel SURPRISED that God was taking me down this new and unexpected road.
My initial appointment was truly one of the best days of my life. Dr. Maupin really picked up where my other doctor left off. She heard me. She comforted me and most of all...she had been where I was. She listened to my words and didn't judge me from the outside appearance. Words can't really express what it felt like to sit across the table from this extraordinary woman. The procedure was quick and easy and not too painful. The worse part was probably not being able to ride George for three days! The nurse that completed my procedure stressed to me that the first insertion rarely hits the nail on the head. The insertions are done every four months or so. It often takes two to three before a person is asymptomatic. Basically she was stressing to me to be patient. The first thing I did was delete all my stupid phone alarms! All I take now is my thyroid medication! What a treat. I have felt an incredible freedom by not having to take all the medications throughout the day.
My appointment was June 2nd. I do not feel awesome yet and can clearly still pinpoint some issues. Of course I would prefer that the doctor got it all exactly right on the first try, but I know that's not reality. There have been some issues improve though and I will force myself to keep my mind on those positives. I know without a doubt my "surprise me" prayer caused this series of events to unfold. I know without a doubt God is working in an unexpected way. There could be no possible way I would have known to pray for such a thing to happen. I was praying that my old routine would work. Yet God had something better for me so it is quite possible His saying no to that was opening the door for something even more freeing. Why couldn't I have not gone though the other stuff though? That is a good question and one we all have at one time or another. Even Jesus asked such a thing in Luke 22:42. Jesus asked God, "if You are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but Yours be done." Basically Jesus is asking God to accomplish the goal by another avenue. I guess that is what I meant by wondering if there was another way to get me to my goal of good health. Whenever I ponder these types of questions I refer back to Isaiah 55:9. Unfortunately this verse has become one of those over used, cliché type verses, but it holds such power. It reads, "As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts." The bottom line is this. No one knows why God does what He does when He does it. If we could figure all this out with our human brains than He wouldn't be God, would he?!
I don't believe there are any magic prayers. There is no prayer we can recite that will get God to give us what we want. Honestly I have come to believe God values simple, heartfelt prayers. Believe me I am far from an expert at praying. The funny thing is that the longer I walk with God the simpler my faith life becomes and in turn the simpler my day to day life becomes. He uncomplicates life. Two of my favorite Bible verses are Romans 8:26 and Romans 8:34.
Romans 8:26) In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us though wordless groans.
Romans 8:34) Who then is the one who condemns? No one. Christ Jesus who died--more than that, who was raised to life--is at the right hand of God and is also interceding for us.
Is it possible that I put too much emphasis on asking for what I want? Yes. It is done out of the desire to control my own life. It is done because I am too scared to tell God to have at it...give me what He wants. What if He wants me to sell all my belongings and head to the Congo to be a missionary?! It is an extreme example, but a true one nonetheless. God wants me to share my heart's desires with Him, but they shouldn't come and replace a prayer for God to give me what He wants me to have. There is room for both in our prayer life. In my case I was really just doing a little experiment to see what would happen. What happened was three occurrences that I could never have even imagine coming true. Heck, I didn't even know such amazing things were a possibility.
So what's stopping you from praying "surprise me" prayers? Really think about it. Really evaluate your own heart. What is interesting is that I haven't prayed that prayer in a long time. Why? I am scared to really. I am ashamed to say that because He gave me three unexpected gifts. I didn't even know to ask for these gifts! After typing out this blog I am encouraged to pray that bold prayer and see what God has in store for me. Stay tuned!
