Hi all! I hope your Christmas was wonderful and 2015 is treating you well thus far. I was reading back to some of my old blog entries and couldn't help but notice how the flavor of them has evolved over time. Early on they were more about my own personal Bible studies and now they are more focused on my interpretation of life's situations with my Biblical foundation obviously present.
Our Christmas was pretty wonderful! It was the first time I had been home over the Christmas holiday since my mom passed away in early 2011. Living in Georgia gave me the easy way out to not deal with it. It ended up being very nice though. My dad, his sister and her family, my sister's family, and our Uncle Rog have done their thing for Christmas several years now. Typically the festivities are held at MiChelle's or Christy's houses. I asked if everyone would be willing to come to dad's house. Anyone who has ever been there knows what a cozy and inviting house it is. My dad is always willing to travel to Toledo so I thought it would be nice for him to not have to get into the car. Everyone agreed!
As soon as Dave, Eli, and I arrived Christmas Day I felt sad. My mom loved the holidays and always worked overtime to make them special. Over Thanksgiving I had done some cleaning and came across Mom's gift wrapping Tupperware container. It was full of partially used wrapping paper tubes, ribbon, tape, and her scissors. It's seeing things like that that still hurt my heart deeply. Back to Christmas Day. Dad had gotten out several serving platters and had gone shopping for snacks. Iona, his house cleaner, had been recently so the house looked absolutely gorgeous. Dave and I helped decorate when we were there for Thanksgiving so the mantle was full of garland, lights, and our old stockings. Putting up the tree was a cinch. My mom always left the artificial tree fully decorated and just had my dad move it to a large, unused closet! So all I had to do was have Dave bring it down the stairs and straighten the large poinsettias and beaded gold sprouts that adorn the tree!
I spent a few hours rummaging through all Mom's serving wear. All her items tell a story and are generally pretty hilarious. There is the giant cactus-shaped chip dish with a cactus flower-shaped dip holder that fits inside. I also love the awesome cookie plates that are made of a material that could be colored on using markers. We aren't exactly sure what the drawings are, but they are labeled "Chris" and the date 1978 (I think) is written. That's when my sister, Christy, used to go by the name Chris. At any rate, they are fabulous! Two other favorites are the wooden carved wine stopper that is made in the shape of a really old, wrinkly cowboy face with cross-eyes and his tongue hanging out and the leopard velvet wine carrier with hot pink fur around the top. My Aunt MiChelle gave my mom that probably 10 plus years ago! Anyway, I was reminded of my mom's fierce sense of humor and it all made me smile and my sadness lifted a bit.
When Christy and Shane arrived she immediately commented on how pretty the house was. She looked at me and said, "it feels good to be here." Yes, I thought that's it-it feels good to be here. I think everyone felt the same way and we all shared fun stories of Dinah off and on throughout the night. If you have ever been around my family you know how much we laugh. One story we always remember is how my mom hoisted a dead raccoon (or was it a cat?) onto the roof of the woodshed. Why you might ask? Her adorable Corgi, Jake, kept retrieving it and bringing up the the door of the house. Several times he did this no matter where the dead animal was hidden/buried, etc. My mom got tired of dealing with it so she took it in a shovel and flung it onto the tin roof of the woodshed. We still all crack up at that one!
All in all it was a wonderful evening. Christy, Shane, and their kids were there, MiChelle and her family, my cousin Cullen and his new family, and my Uncle Rog and his friend. I think everyone really enjoyed being at the old house that once housed Christams celebrations with my Grandma Polly, Mylo, and all us grandkids. Times have changed and we all aren't able to be in one place at
one time anymore, but we could embrace life for what it is now and even laugh...A LOT.
I also want to add that a gift exchange in the Kruse family is never dull. Just ask my Uncle Rog who received a very unique "briefcase" from MiChelle and Alyssa. It was made of men's underwear! Or the time my cousin, Greg's new girlfriend from college received garage sale baby clothes from our Grandma Polly. Can you saw "awkward?!" Adrianna handled like a champ though and it's still a
hilarious memory!
I guess the point to this entry is that no matter the pain you may feel now over losing a loved one there will come a day when you can remember that person and even smile a little bit...or a lot like in our case. I absolutely hated when people told me it gets easier in the aftermath of losing my mom. I didn't want it to get easier. I truly wanted to live in the pain forever because I felt close to her and I thought it would dishonor her by moving forward. I think that's all part of the grieving process. My pain was a comfortable coat I could wear. If you are reading this and you have recently lost someone I won't be as curt in saying "oh it gets easier...don't worry." I will say that a day will come when the coat of sorrow and pain starts to slowly turn into a coat of good memories and smiles. There is a disclaimer though. Some days you will want to put on the coat of sorrow to just mourn and that's okay! This Christmas Day we could wear a happy coat and it really suited our little family well!
I will leave you with this reminder from Lamentations 3:21-23.
21 This I recall to my mind,
Therefore I have hope.
22 The Lord’s lovingkindnesses [a]indeed never cease,
For His compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
Great is Your faithfulness.
