This blog is going to full of random thoughts. I hope that's okay! I'll start out by telling you about our trip to Dallas, my time at the Congress, and finish up with some thoughts I have on the Brittany Maynard situation. I told you this would be random!
I know you are probably familiar with the fact I travel a great distance to see my doctor, Dr. Vliet. It is required by law to see her in person once a year. The first year I saw her in Tucson, the second year Virginia Beach, and this year the location was Dallas. Dave and I always make the most out of our visits and take in some local sights.
We really enjoyed our time in Dallas. I typically like my appointments to be scheduled at the beginning of our trips because I like to get them out of the way. I tend to get anxious before my appointments. I think it frustrates my husband somewhat. I guess I have this fear that my symptoms won't match up with my lab results or worse yet, she will say that she has no idea how to help me. It's really rather ridiculous that I get uneasy. Dr. Vliet and I share a favorite Bible verse so I often quote that verse in my head about 25 times a day during this uneasy time. It is Romans 8:28. It reads, "and we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose."
Dave and I love exploring in new places. We flew in on a Saturday so we knew we had to find a place to watch the OSU football game. We found this fun outdoor restaurant/bar that had several TV's. It was packed to the gill so we couldn't find a seat at first. The seating was all picnic tables. Finally we found a seat after being invited to sit by three guys. They were a riot. All were fans of different teams and all played college football in their younger years for a small Texas college called Abilene Christian. We had a great time with them! We saw people wearing gear from LSU, 'Bama, all the Texas Universities, OSU, Kansas, Mississippi State, and I'm sure several others that I'm forgetting.
The next day we ventured over to Dealey Plaza to the Sixth Floor Museum. Being the history buff that I am I was thrilled to go. If you don't know off hand what Dealey Plaza is it is the exact location that JFK was assassinated. The Texas State Book Depository has been converted into a museum. The Sixth floor is the floor that holds the sniper's nest. The window remains open and the floor is stocked full of fascinating artifacts, photographs, and documentary films. It's an absolutely incredible look back into the past. You could literally look down onto the Plaza and picture the Presidential motorcade passing by then speeding up, going under the triple overpass rushing to Parkland Hospital. We also took a cell phone walking tour of the Plaza. A white 'X' marks the spot on the road where the third shot hit JFK in the head. It sounds really morbid, but it is actually interesting to picture yourself being there waiting for the motorcade to pass by on that sunny November day in 1963.
Another fun outing was to the Texas State Fair. We had seen a giant billboard of Big Tex along side the freeway advertising the fair. Dave and I thought why not so we headed that way. What fun! We learned all about police horses, got to meet a few, watched Ostrich races, and took in all kinds of sites and sounds of a giant fair. We also took a few hours and drove to Ft. Worth to see the historic Stockyards. On my list of things to look for was a new bit for Jessie. Dave waited VERY patiently for an hour while I poured over about 300 bits at this fantastic tack store at the stockyards. What a guy! We also went to the new Gaylord hotel near Grapevine. Wow! There was some sort of convention going on there. We tried to figure out a way to get a badge so we could eat free food and stay! We shopped and found this amazing little pie shop and shared the best piece of pie both of us has ever had!
The last day of our trip involved seeing Dr. Vliet. When she called us back I gave her a big hug and we started right in talking. We went over all my symptoms and labs. Dave was right- I had nothing to worry about. My labs were all very off and she made the changes she felt necessary. We chatted about life and she always likes to hear about Eli. She told us about her adventures and Chile. We left with a new plan of care. I implemented the changes as soon as possible. I noticed some positive changes right away. There are a few things that haven't cleared up yet so we will give it some time and make a few more tweaks. One thing I have to remember is that to me this ordeal seems like it's been going on FOREVER. It all got very bad pretty much directly after having Eli. He will be eight in March. In reality everything started back at zero after my total hysterectomy and that was only 18 months ago. So things she tried BEFORE my surgery that didn't work may work now. That surgery was a complete game changer.
I am trying to really focus on small positive changes. There are a few huge symptoms that are still problematic and I get scared they will never improve. Honestly I battle that fear each day I wake up and they are still present. They aren't life threatening, but enough to greatly affect my life. I read a teaching a few weeks ago that really has stuck with me. Steven Furtick wrote an excellent book titled Crash the Chatterbox. It is about hearing God's voice above all others. He writes about being thankful right where you are at. This is the best way to disperse discouragement. There is always something to be thankful for. If you complain about the little things why would God bless you with more things? Luke 16:10 reads, "Whoever can be trusted with very little can also be trusted with much, and whoever is dishonest with very little will also be dishonest with much." Here is an example. If a person can't be obedient to God and tithe off their meager income why would they be faithful to tithe off a large income? So I am applying that lesson to my health. I will be thankful for the small blessings and relish them genuinely and see what happens from there.
I suppose I could stop here on this blog, but I will throw in a few more things! My last blog was very horse heavy. What wonderful feedback I received! The Congress has come and gone. It went well and my sweet Jessie even brought home a medallion. Here is a shout out to Miss Bella. She got two excellent rides out of Jessie, one in her split and another in the finals. I should definitely give props to her mom, Jenn. Jenn is literally the best horse show mom...EVER. The Congress was certainly an emotional experience. The first day felt surreal. I am thankful to my friend, Jeana, for keeping me company. It was fun to meet Bella's family also. Even though I was surrounded by awesome people I still felt very alone. My Congress buddy is gone forever and there was no avoiding the emotion surrounding that hard, cold truth. The D'Onofrio family ran a gorgeous ad in the Congress program of Bella and her cute Roanie and Jessie. They even added a special paragraph under Jessie's picture dedicating Bella's ride to my mom.
Probably the complete highlight of the entire show was during the final placings. All the horses were lined up at the end of the Coliseum. During the final placings music was playing in the background. Just before the announcer called Bella's number Willie Nelson came on singing the classic Mommas Don't Let Your Babies Grow Up to be Cowboys. I could not believe my ears! This song was seriously my mom's favorite song! I knew all the words to it by the time I was five years old. So as they read Bella's name, number, and Jessie's Little Chip this song was in full swing. There aren't really words to describe how this felt.
Okay, here is my last topic. I didn't follow the story really closely, but know enough to understand what happened to the poor woman in Oregon with terminal brain cancer. Let me first say I have no clue if or if she shouldn't have made the decision to kill herself using specially prescribed barbiturates. There is absolutely no way for me to understand what she felt both physically and emotionally. Let's be honest, even the people that support her have no idea what they would do in a similar situation. They may think they would do the same, but when the time comes they end up with an unquenchable desire to see another day. I am not giving my opinion either way. I seriously cannot judge her decision. I will say I think it's a slippery slope...the whole physician assisted suicide topic. Seeing pictures of Brittany before her illness broke my heart because I saw my mom, healthy and full of life. Brittany had her whole life ahead of her. I read where she and her new husband were trying for a family when she was diagnosed. It's just straight up sad. It is these types of things that make me question God's goodness. I have learned that He can handle my questions. He knows the heart within the person that's asking the questions also. Are we questioning Him with a mind already made up and a heart full of bitterness or are we questioning Him in order to learn more about His nature? The heart behind the questioning matters to Him.
I have seen several posts on FB about Brittany's story. Each share has several hundred comments below it. I have read many, many of them. The decision to end her life has been called brave. Or is it brave to live each day you have left the best you can? Is it brave to get out of bed each morning knowing you will die a painful death very soon? My mom showed an amount of bravery each day that surpassed any human understanding. My sister and I always wondered how and why she got out of bed each morning. The story with Brittany really hit close to home and made me think about my mom. I AM IN NO WAY GOING TIT FOR TAT ON THE TWO SITUATIONS. They are very different and in fact, the type of cancer was even different. Again, I'm not saying Brittany wasn't brave in making the decision she did. I simply am in no position to judge that. By focusing on the bravery she must have had to end her life it is assuming those battling terminal cancer right up to the end are less brave. It is implying that people like my mom are taking the less courageous or selfish way out. My mom was well aware of her fate. Believe me...she got it. I still have the sound burned in my brain of her screaming for hours on end because the hospice nurse let her go too long without morphine. It is hard to get the pain back under control. So I guess my point is it may be extremely hurtful to those people giving cancer (or any other terminal disease) hell right up to the end to focus on this woman's bravery. My mother displayed immeasurable courage to look in the mirror each morning and see a body ravaged by terminal lung and brain cancer and decide to get herself dressed and live what life she had left. Despite my mother's physical and mental limitations she knew God could use her right up to the end. She still lived with purpose.
I have also read comments where people say Brittany was sparing her family the pain of seeing her get sicker and she was sparing them the financial burden of caring for her. I get their point, but here is what I have to say to that. Again, it implies that people like my mom are selfish for desiring to live despite a grim, terminal diagnosis. Those comments are implying that my mom was only thinking of herself in refusing to give up right until the moment God called her home. My poor father literally carried her down the stairs from their bedroom to the downstairs bedroom that housed the hospice bed. He gets more then anyone what it is like to care for a dying person. Was she being selfish desiring to battle cancer knowing how much money her treatments cost?
Again, I don't know Brittany and can in no way say she was right or wrong. That was between her and the Person that made her. Honestly, my heart breaks for the whole situation. I am sure she was a sweet, caring person who loved greatly and was loved greatly. I just think by praising her bravery and unselfishness we can alienate people fighting for their lives. The last thing they need is to be made to feel selfish or like a coward because they have a burning desire to take another breath and fight a hellish disease. In closing, I think it is important to be sensitive to both sides of the coin...to people like Brittany who don't want to fight any longer and to those like Dinah Kruse who want to fight right up until their name is called.
I fully understand the wide variety of topics here! I also know this blog is very long. I apologize for both. My free time has become quite limited with homeschooling so I figured while I was typing and Eli was taking a cartoon break I had better take full advantage. I sincerely wish God's fullness to dwell within each and every one of you. God bless.
