Redemption

Hi all!  We are fresh back from our summer Ohio trip.  We arrived back in Evans at 8:15 this morning.  Our trip home was much smoother than our trip up there last week.  Dave traveled to central Louisiana or CENLA, as the locals refer to it, for work on Monday and Tuesday.  Our plan was for him to fly to Atlanta and me to drive to Atlanta to meet Tuesday night.  We were then going to meet and drive together to Ohio.  Dave's flight was delayed twice and his arrival time was very late.  He was concerned the flight would get cancelled.  He decided to keep his rental car and head north.  He did research on rental car return locations that would be convenient to meet at.  He drove nine hours to Chattanooga and I drove four.  We met at the airport at 3 a.m. and took off for Ohio.  We arrived about noon on Wednesday.  Dave drove 12 hours straight and was in the car for 17!

We had things to do though!  We had to get to Ohio.  For one Eli had been there the week before visiting grandparents, cousins, and aunts and uncles.  We missed our little guy.  The other reason was that my sister was getting married!  Christy and I had things to do!  One of our favorite things we did was time at the salon getting a pedi/mani courtesy of our awesome dad!

There was one word that kept coming to my mind the entire time we were in Ohio.  The word is redemption.  Romans 8:28 is probably one of my favorite verses in the Bible.

Romans 8:28) And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.

Let me explain the connection between the events in Ohio, redemption, and Romans 8:28.  What
 I witnessed was a love story.  We all have our own personal love story, but the one I witnessed was something a bit different.  The characters in the story are very personal to me.  My sister is my best friend.  She's an inspiration and an encouragement.  She and I leaned heavily on each other as we navigated the unchartered waters of burying a parent too soon.  We are just very close.

Christy and Shane first met in the early days of high school in the mid-1980's.  They dated and even went to homecoming and prom together.  I remember Shane being at our house often.  He even was lucky enough to work for my dad bailing hay!  That is a hard job!!!  Christy went off to college and they drifted apart.  Life marched on.  Christy got married. Shane got married and had children.  Fast forward 20+ years.

Christy and Shane reunited after each of their marriages failed.  I won't go into details on that, but both of them went through incredible pain and stress.  Christy was moving on after her divorce and the death of our mother.  Shane was busy raising three amazing kids.  Their paths crossed and their destinies were changed forever.  Both of them have a faith that only comes through fire.  They both have a clear understanding of pain and continuing to do the right thing.  God knew back in 1987 that on July 20th 2013 they would be married.  How tremendous is that?!  God allowed the circle of life to return back to Shane and Christy's beginning.  Shane and Christy each love God and are living for Him.  They are truly seeking His plan for their marriage and the raising of children.  God has redeemed two lives in more than an eternal sense.  He has blessed Shane with a graceful wife who loves his three children as if they were her own.  Christy is a Proverbs 31 woman.  God has given Christy a husband who will protect her from the harsh world.  What I love about Shane is how he can make her laugh.  He truly gives her joy.  He will be the leader of the household.

Redemption is an awesome word.  He has made each of their lives new again.  They are whole.  How true is this for any of us?!  What we think is too big of a mess isn't too big for God.  He can take bad and make it good.  He can take brokenness and mend it.  When we obey God He can make something beautiful out of ugliness.  Obeying God is loving God.  Being called according to His purpose means that we are seeking God's plan over our own.  Christy and Shane are testaments to this way of thinking.

As our dad walked her down the aisle I had so many things going through my mind.  The first thing I thought of was that Christy looked so beautiful and my dad looked so handsome.  I then glanced at Shane.  His smile was HUGE.  As my dad passed her off to Shane I knew in my heart she was safe with him.  My dad took his seat and I couldn't help but think of our mom.  In my mind she should have been there, but God knows best I suppose.  I could literally see her sitting next to Dad.  She always loved Shane.  My mom told me several times that Christy would be the best mom.  It just didn't work out that way so we thought.  Mom would be so proud of the mom that Christy is now.

Someone at the wedding told me that she lives every day like its her last and she wants to make the most of every day.  While I would agree with the premise there is a problem with it.  The problem is when we live every day like its the last we can mow over others.  If  our only goal is to be happy than we risk running over others.  God doesn't tell us to be happy.  He tells us to be holy.  He wants us to be set apart.  Romans 8:28 tells how to live our life.  We are to obey God and live according to His
purpose.  When we do that He will make all things new for us.  He will redeem our situation for our good and His glory.  That is what I saw happen Saturday night and it put such joy in my heart.

A Promise

Hey everyone!  I hope this finds you all doing well.  Things here in Georgia are...wet.  The rain is crazy!  I actually don't mind it though because I haven't felt like I was missing out on any summer sunshine as I recover from my hysterectomy. 

I opened my computer today to blog, but had no idea what I was going to blog about.  As I read through my previous blogs about my surgery and the backgrounds to my favorite hymns I had an idea.  I hope it makes as much sense on your screen as it does in my head! 

Assurance.  What does that word mean?  I love using a simple dictionary to make more sense of the Biblical texts that I'm reading.  Sometimes I'll be studying my Bible and will come across a word that I think I know the definition of, but when I go to write it I'm at a loss.  This happened last night during my study on patience.  What does patience really mean?  The best definition I found was this, "the state of endurance under difficult circumstances."  The definition went on to talk about how a patient person perseveres in the face of a delay without acting out in annoyance.  To have endurance means to maintain the power to last through an unpleasant process.  Um well, maybe I'm not as patient as I thought.  Back to the word assurance.  I love this definition;  pledge or promise: a declaration that inspires or is intended to inspire confidence.  This definition came from the Bing dictionary. 

Blessed Assurance was written by Fanny Crosby in 1873.  She is probably one of the most famous hymn writers of all time.  I remember as a little girl thinking the name Fanny was funny.  Hey, I was eight!  Fanny's heritage stemmed form the earliest Puritan settlers in the New World.  Fanny became blind as a six week old baby.  She began writing poems at age eight.  The quote that I am including comes from Fanny being asked if she wished she hadn't been blind.  Her response is unbelievable!  "It seemed intended by the blessed providence of God that I should be blind all my life, and I thank him for the dispensation. If perfect earthly sight were offered me tomorrow I would not accept it. I might not have sung hymns to the praise of God if I had been distracted by the beautiful and interesting things about me, " Fanny Crosby.  Fanny was saved in 1850 and continued on her path of hymn writing.  She was married soon after and gave birth to a baby girl who died soon after birth.  This broke Fanny's heart.  The rest of her life was spent writing poems, hymns and doing mission work.  Please read her Wikipedia entry for additional information on her...there is a lot!

Blessed Assurance

vs,1
Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!
O what a foretaste of glory divine!
Heir of salvation, purchase of God,
Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.Refrain:
This is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long;
this is my story, this is my song,
praising my Savior all the day long.
vs.2
Perfect submission, perfect delight!
Visions of rapture now burst on my sight;
Angels descending bring from above
Echoes of mercy, whispers of love.
(Refrain)
vs.3
Perfect submission, all is at rest!
I in my Savior am happy and blest,
Watching and waiting, looking above,
Filled with his goodness, lost in His love.
(Refrain)

A blessed promise.  A blessed pledge.  When I substituted one word for another the song's title took on even a greater meaning. One blessed pledge that I have clung to throughout my health ordeal and the death of my mom was the promise that He's always with me.  I remember I was doing a study quite a few months ago on this topic.  Read Joshua 1:9 below.

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”

Joshua helped return the Jews to their Promised Land.  In the Promised Land God helped the Israelites conquer the enemies and make this land their home.  There is some Biblical context for you.  It's always important to read verses in their context then branch out and see how it applies to your life or in the lives of your loved ones.  In the midst of this study I literally said out loud, "so what if your with me...this still STINKS."  The last two years have been THE most frustrating and scary out of my whole hormonal hell journey.  It's been downright hard...no way around it.  I will say that it could all have been worse, much worse.  I'm not complaining and please don't think that I am.  My point is I was going through some of the hardest times of my life and was doing a study on how God's always with me and felt a little frustrated with God.  Your with me, but this appears to not be getting better?  I prayed and asked God to help me make sense of the questions that were in my heart.  He said something very simple to me.  I heard with my spirit's ears, "just think if I weren't with you...how hard would it be then?"  Yep.  It was like the most basic answer ever and I have never forgotten it. 

He doesn't promise us a rose garden.  Isn't that an old country song?  In this world we will have trouble.  John tells us this in John 16:33.  I spent a great deal of my prayer time begging God that He remove this cup.  I have begged and pleaded that He take it away.  Instead of taking away my health problem He has promised His presence.  I begged that He would take away the cancer from my mom's lung and brain, but He chose to take her Home to heal her.  I don't get it.  What I do get is that His presence is His blessed assurance.  My mom clearly understood this principle.  Lately I have been spending more time in prayer not begging for the cup to be removed, but for Him to place His wisdom on  me so I don't miss one single lesson He has for me as I endure and persevere.  I have focused less on what I want and more on just being with Him.  It is true, no doubt, that Fanny's words ring true.  "Blessed assurance, Jesus is mine!  O what a foretaste of glory divine!  Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood," are beautiful poetic words.  In essence they are at the root of my point.  Because of my faith in God I have this blessed assurance.  Because I am His and He is mine I don't have to face pain and heartache alone.  His presence doesn't always take away the thorn, but His presence means I don't have to endure without it.

I hope this entry speaks to you in some personal way.  It flowed pretty easily from my brain to my fingers to the screen.  I give all glory to God for this because I'm must His vessel that once was broken that was made whole again. 

God, Dave, Family and Friends, and Even HGTV

I thought it was a perfect time to blog since I am bed-bound for the week.  I am actually in Alexandria, Louisiana right now with Dave.  My surgery was in Houston last Friday so we traveled from there to Alex on Sunday so Dave could work at the plant here for the week.  We will go back to Houston Friday to see my surgeon then back to Evans.

Our trip to Houston went incredibly smooth.  My appointment with the surgeon went so well.  Dave and I immediately liked him and felt perfectly at ease with the decision.  He answered all our questions plus gave us helpful additional information.  After seeing him we walked over to the hospital for our pre-op appointment.  All systems were go and we had to be at the hospital at 6 a.m. the following morning.

I slept off and on the night before surgery.  I knew that God already knew the situation because 1. He knows everything and 2. I have prayed about a million times and fasted over this situation.  He surely was familiar with it!  I think of one of my go-to verses, Romans 6:28.  It reads, "In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us through wordless groans."  I absolutely LOVE this verse.  I thought of it often as my mom battled cancer.  That situation was so painful and overwhelming and I ran out of words fairly early on.  Same with my health issue.  It has been so painful, all-consuming, and frustrating that its hard sometimes to come up with words to pray.  I don't want to give up praying though.  I heard once that the times when we feel we can't pray are the times we desperately need to pray.  That's how I felt Thursday night as the time ticked down to my total hysterectomy.  As I lay there
I just pictured myself wrapped on God's arms.  No words were said between either of us...I just felt Gods nearness.  The chorus from "Loss for Words" fits perfectly.  You can read it below.

I am empty
You are holy
Come and fill my soul with who you are
In my silence You still hear me
In the quiet of this moment
I am heard
I'm overwhelmed
And at a loss for words

Friday eventually rolled around, eventually.  The waiting was the hardest part.  I told Dave my life will be split between pre-hysterectomy and post-hysterectomy!  We only waited a few minutes before the nurse came to get me.  It felt like an hour.  As I entered the pre-op room to put the gown on I began to cry just a little bit.  I hadn't cried over the situation because having it done was such a relief. Dave and I decided just after Eli was born that we were content with one child.  We knew we didn't want to go through IVF again and were just so thankful for Eli.  Because of this we found the decision to move forward with a hysterectomy an easy one because our interest is in improving my quality of life.  When I teared up a little bit one thought came to mind, "I wish my mom was here."  I just want to have my mom with me.  Funny, huh?  I guess we never get too old to want our mothers nearby when we are sick or life is hard.  

As I crawled into that bed I felt so connected with God.  He was right there with me.  A few nurses came in and were great.  Dave then was brought back.  He's an amazing man.  We have been through so much together.  We joke that he should have had me vetted before he married me.  When a person wants to buy a horse you have the animal vetted.  This means that a vet evaluates the horse with a detailed exam and x-rays.  The buyer then decides if they can live with the issues if any were uncovered.  Anyway, Dave is the calmest person on this planet.  I have never actually seen him out of control of his emotions.  He is a Godly man.  He is a devoted husband and father.  He is the epitome of integrity.  I have depended on him heavily through this trial.  It has been hard on me, but also incredibly hard on Dave.  He hasn't been able to fix it or change it.  He has been as helpless as I have.  Our marriage is stronger though because of the trials.  I admire him for too many reasons to count.  I'm honored to be his wife.  He has made me a better person.  His presence in the pre-op room calmed me beyond words.  We met with the head of anesthesia.  He was a funny guy!  When he came in he said "hola, como este!"  What made it funny was that he was an Asian gentleman!  We also met with the anesthesiologist that would be with me during surgery.  The nurse turned on the T.V. and said channel 22 was a channel on anesthesia.  Um, no thank you!  I had her turn on HGTV.  I LOVE HGTV!  We watched HGTV in the pre-op room, the hospital room, and pretty much solid in our hotel room.  Good thing Dave loves it too!

As we waited for my turn in the surgery room we met again with the surgeon.  Once again he was so calm and offered such encouraging words.  The whole time Dave kept me updated on texts and messages.  Of course my dad and sister were the first to send messages that morning.  I received so many other messages from dear friends and other family members.  The night before we left for Houston we had a cookout with our church small group.  To be honest at first I didn't want to go to the cookout.  My mind was on what to pack and mentally going over the details of the trip.  The cookout was so nice though.  Our friends are such great people and wanted to know the details and timing of surgery so they could be praying when I was in surgery.  They wanted to be sure that Dave sent a message as soon as I was done.  The support and love were awesome.  My sister had a hysterectomy a few years ago so she's been a God-send.  She is my best friend and always willing to listen.  We have E-mailed each other practically everyday of the week for like ten years!  She's awesome.  My dad wanted to be there for surgery no doubt.  He knew Dave was with me though.  My in-laws are also amazing people.  They love Eli so much.  In fact, Lou Ann flew to Atlanta to pick up Eli the day before we left for Houston.  Bob and Lou are two wonderful people and are so giving and helpful.  Just knowing so many people cared also calmed me as we waited.  

The anesthesiologist came in with anti-nausea medicine and then anti-anxiety medication for my I.V.  I actually didn't even feel anxious...just ready to be on the other side.  Then he came in with a "margarita" and that's the last I remember!  As I look back I realize how God provided such amazing support.  Aside from simply offering Himself He has given me the tremendous privilege of being Dave's wife.  He has given me a father that has loved me unconditionally my entire life.  I wanted to marry a man as awesome as my dad.  I grew up seeing what a real man looks like.  He taught me that I was invaluable and that any man would be lucky to have me.  Because of my dad my standards for boyfriends and my future husband were incredibly high.  I'm so grateful for my dad.  My sweet sister...even though she is MUCH older than I am (you know I love ya sister) we have very close most of my adult life.  We have weathered a lot of storms together.  As our mother die of cancer we got each other.  I knew her pain and she knew mine.  We were a team getting dad through his bout of cancer soon after mom died.  We have also laughed more together than any two people on earth!  God has given me the best friends ever.  Their support has gotten me through very tough times.  I have old friends and newer friends...all of which hold special places in my heart.  They wanted updated as soon as Dave knew anything.  They have spent countless time in prayer for me, Dave, and my doctor.  I love them dearly and hope to return the support to them that they have given me.  To a MUCH smaller extent I'm even grateful for HGTV.  I'm reading a book now called, "God is in the Small Stuff."  I am trying to recognize small gifts from God.  He overseas every detail of our life.  I love houses, real estate, building houses, decorating, etc. and watching HGTV took my mind off what was happening in that pre-op and hospital room. I'm glad for that!

This blog entry is very long and I appreciate you reading it!  I hope you were encouraged in some way to keep praying even when words don't come or you don't feel like it.  I also hope you can look into your own life and recognize the people that have made an impact on you.  You are loved and valued by God and those people He has put into your life.

Prayer...and Fasting

Hey everyone!  I'm going to venture off my usual topic today.  It's been a HUGE week and I
wanted to share what has been going on and a few other related topics.

This topic isn't taught much in churches.  It's unfortunate.  I never knew much about the practice.  Fasting.  I would usually cringe when I heard it.  Pastor Bobby has taught a great deal on the topic and I appreciate it.  He has called his congregation to take part in the practice.  The Bible is full of lessons on fasting.  Unfortunately, we have all but removed it.  Even more, the practice is thought to be outdated and only for those super religious people.

I have read a few books on fasting and they have been very intriguing.  One was authored by Derek Prince and the other by Mahesh Chavda.  I would recommend them both!  In Exodus Moses fasted while waiting for the Lord to speak regarding the Ten Commandments.  Moses also fasted in Deuteronomy.   This book speaks of the time before the Israelites entered the Promised Land.  That was a tough forty years!  In Samuel David fasted for the Lord to spare his child.  This child was conceived with Bathsheba.  The prophet Nehemiah fasted in the book with the same name.  He oversaw the rebuilding of the wall around Jerusalem.  This was an extremely serious time in Jewish history because the Israelites were reestablishing themselves as a nation.  Esther, Psalms, Isaiah, and Daniel all speak of fasting.  All the stories are full of desperation.  These characters are in desperate times.  We can move into the New Testament and see the same pattern.  The characters of these real stories fasted as part of their walk with the Lord.  A Christian is a Christ-follower so we must look to Him as our example.  Jesus fasted.  I have picked out two New Testament verses that speak of fasting.  The first verse is a simple lesson for us on fasting.  It is a private matter.  The second verse tells me that prayer is important, but adding fasting to it takes prayer to a whole new level.  The story is cross-referenced in Matthew with a slightly different text.  The point is that Jesus recognized the need for both in certain circumstances.  Some manuscripts add fasting to Mark 9:29 and the text in Matthew uses the word fasting.

Matthew 6:16-18)  And when you fast, do not look gloomy like the hypocrites, for they disfigure their faces that their fasting may be seen by others. Truly, I say to you, they have received their reward. But when you fast, anoint your head and wash your face, that your fasting may not be seen by others but by your Father who is in secret. And your Father who sees in secret will reward you.

Mark 9:25-29)  When Jesus saw that a crowd was running to the scene, he rebuked the impure spirit. "You deaf and mute spirit," he said, "I command you, come out of him and never enter him again."  The spirit shrieked, convulsed him violently and came out. The boy looked so much like a corpse that many said, "He's dead."  But Jesus took him by the hand and lifted him to his feet, and he stood up.  After Jesus had gone indoors, his disciples asked him privately, "Why couldn't we drive it out?"  He replied, "This kind can come out only by prayer."

I'm certainly not lecturing you because I have a long way to go on this practice.  I'm a heck of a lot more obedient on it than I used to be though.  My husband actively fasts and last fall he fasted for an entire seven days.  While I don't think there is a certain time frame we have to stick too because if there was we would become legalistic.  The time is between you and God.  We are all different.  I do think that God desires us to have a willing heart.

This leads me to the situation that occurred this past week.  As many of you know I have severe hormonal issues and have for many, many years.  Anyone have a concrete wall I can pound my head against?!  Seriously though, I have been on quite a journey.  My doctor is AMAZING.  I mean really.  Her office is in Tucson, Arizona.  I have talked to her on the phone every month and sometimes more since our initial meeting last August.  She has truly been an answer to prayer.  Dave and I have introduced fasting into our lives in regards to my treatments and in regards to wisdom for Dr. Vliet.  In one of Bobby's lessons he taught that we may not see an immediate response to our fasting.  We may fast over a situation and not see anything happen right away.  His point was that fasting with a pure heart moves the hand of God.  It might not be in our time, but it moves it.  We continue to fast over my appointments and conversations with Dr. Vliet.  We take them that serious.  We have been utterly desperate at times.  I have wept over the situation and begged God for discernment and wisdom.  I have pleaded with Him to impact Dr. Vliet for not just me, but for ANY of the women she treats.  If they have gone through anything like I have my heart bleeds for them.  I also want to lift up Dr. Vliet personally as she shoulders many serious conditions that her patients have.

Last week Dr. Vliet and I (and Dave) decided to move forward with a total hysterectomy.  This is totally huge!  It is right up there with deciding who to marry and if you should have children.  Having a few organs removed is a big deal, you know?!  I guess I'm telling this story because Dave and I believe there is a connection between fasting and this big decision.  The decision was not made lightly yet we felt very lead to it.  I firmly believe God has lead us to this place.  I hope you can see my point because I feel like I'm not doing a good job of explaining it.  My surgery date is scheduled...the countdown has begun.  I desperately covet your prayers because I would be lying if I said I wasn't afraid.  Satan is in the what-if game.  So please keep me in your prayers and Dave too. 

In closing I encourage you to see where fasting fits into your walk with the Lord.  Are there some things in your life that feel stuck.  Do you need God to move in big ways?  Please talk to Him about fasting.  I send you much love!

Walking With God

C. Austin Miles penned In the Garden in 1912.  Mr. Miles' hobby was photography.  He found that his dark room was the perfect room to meet with God.  He even would read his Bible in the blue cast.  One day he was in his dark room reading the Easter story in John.  The verse that stood out the most was John 20:14.  It reads, "At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus."  Mr. Miles says as he read John 20 it was as if he became part of the scene in that garden.  He immediately began writing once he came to from his vision. 

The chorus is just awesome.  I vision heaven when I read it.  Me and God...just walking and talking.  As we stroll He tells me I am His own and I was bought with a price.  Neither one of us has anywhere to go.  After all there is no time in heaven.  What joy I experience!  That experience can only be had by a child and the Father.  I'm brought back to earth though.  I contemplated this song and how it relates to my life now.  Here are my thoughts.

The first verse encourages me to come and meet God.  It is a privilege to get to do so not have to.  I remember my math teacher in 9th grade used to say we got to do homework.  If you asked what homework we had to do he would always correct us and say we GOT to do homework.  I think of that now.  We GET to spend time with God.  I am as guilty as anyone else of rushing through prayer time or simply not thinking it matters.  I think the first verse encourages us to meet God early.  I don't do my studying to later in the day because of my schedule, but I do spend time praying and listening for God before my feet hit the floor in the morning.  Joyce Meyer has said she wants Satan to say, "oh no...she's up!"  We have to prepare our minds and hearts for the day ahead. 

The second verse is convicting to me.  Why?  Well, I do most of the talking during prayer time.  How can I hear His voice if I'm blabbering the whole time about what I want and need and what I think everyone else wants and needs?  When we really connect with our Father something changes in our hearts.  They are uplifted.

The last verse brings it all full circle.  Night has come and I want to stay with Him.  I am not exactly sure what the last few lines mean, but have an idea.  As I'm drifting off to sleep I'm told to go, go to sleep and rest.  Even though I go to sleep He doesn't.  His voice is constantly calling me even when I'm unaware. 

I hear people use the term "my walk with God" often.  What does that really mean though?  Does it mean walking ahead with God a few steps behind?  Or does it mean that I go on my path and then I call Him when my path gets difficult or maybe when I get onto the wrong path?  As I have matured in my faith I have gotten better at letting Him lead.  He want time with me.  I used to think I could read the Bible and then the information somehow transferred to my head.  It doesn't work that way.  I like to visualize myself in the scene.  I love picturing myself bowing before God just soaking up...Him.  He wants time with us.  I get to be with Him.  I am not perfect, but each day I improve.  After all, isn't that was walking with God is?!

I come to the garden alone
While the dew is still on the roses
And the voice I hear, falling on my ear
The Son of God discloses

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

He speaks and the sound of His voice
Is so sweet, the birds hush their singing
And the melody that He gave to me
Within my heart is ringing

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

I'd stay in the garden with Him
'Tho the night around me be falling
And He bids me go, through the voice of woe
His voice to me is calling

And He walks with me and He talks with me
And He tells me I am His own
And the joy we share as we tarry there
None other has ever known

Is It Well with My Soul?

Hello all!  I am so excited to be back on my blog.  We rented our house for the Master's golf tournament so most of March was spent preparing the house.  I don't think the renters noticed my freshly painted trim, but it looks amazing.  Knowing strangers were going to be in our home we were motivated to do lots of "spring cleaning."  Eli turned six on March 26th which was a great time.  It is so incredibly hard to believe he is actually six years old!  We spent a week at an AMAZING cabin near Asheville, NC while our home was rented.  We had the best time!  We came home to a house totally in tact and the cleaning lady had made it like no one was ever in it.  So that brings me to now...

"It Is Well with My Soul" is a beautiful song written in 1873 by Horatio Spafford.  The history of this hymn is absolutely incredible.  Horatio was a wealthy attorney in Chicago.  He was invested heavily in real estate and when the Chicago fire swept through the city he lost a fortune.  Around the same time his four year old child died of scarlet fever.  Scarlet fever is a form of strep and historically was very deadly.  Generally children four to eight acquired scarlet fever. 

Because of their rough go of it Horace thought he would take his family, which consisted of a wife and four daughters, on a vacation to Europe.  He was going to visit some evangelistic meetings.  I would guess his family was very excited about this given their recent misfortunes.  The family was booked to travel on a luxurious ocean liner.  At the last minute business called Horace to stay in New York City.  He sent his family on ahead as to not hinder their vacation.

While on the open seas the luxury vessel collided with another ship.  When I read this I pictured the scenes from the movie Titanic.  The cold water probably crashed through the beautiful passenger rooms.  My imagination cannot even picture the terror.  226 people died that night and 47 survived.  Horace's wife, Anna, was found in the water clinging to a piece of wreckage.  Anna sent a message from England to her husband in New York that said, "Saved alone." 

Horace booked himself on another ship to head immediately to England to be with Anna.  What do you think he thought when he heard that the luxury liner sunk?  I bet he thought that maybe, just maybe his family survived.  After all 47 people made it safely to England.  During the night the captain called Horace to his side and explained they were now passing over the location where his children perished.  Horace went back to his room and was not able to sleep.  He said to himself, "It is well;  the will of God be done."  He later wrote the hymn "It is Well with My Soul" based on the words he spoke to himself that lonely and cold night.

The Spaffords went on to have three more children.  One of the children died in infancy.  When the other two daughters were very small the Spaffords sailed for Israel.  In Jerusalem they founded a mission called The American Colony.  This mission helped serve the poor.  Later the mission became the subject of a Noble Prize winning book titled Jerusalem.

After reading about Horatio's story the first thought that came to mind was that after all the heartache he continued to serve God.  I will promise you that he and Anna had moments of shaking their fists at God and asking the obvious "why" question.  God wants us to pour our hearts out to him.  He already knows we are hurting so why sugar-coat it to Him.  I admire my dear friend Linda so much for being real with God.  With a reverential heart she tells God what is going on inside her.  She has taught me to simply be real with God.  Horace and Anna are so incredibly inspirational for their continued devotion to God despite the tragedy they experienced.  They could freely reach out to the hurting in Jerusalem because they themselves hurt.  I promise you they had tremendous compassion for those they helped. 

"Your will be done" is one of the hardest things to say to the Lord.  We have all prayed the Lord's Prayer, but do we REALLY know what we are saying.  "Your will be done on earth as it is in heaven" are powerful words and should not be uttered will-nilly.  Do I desire God's will over my own?  Not always.  God's will isn't always sunshine and lollipops.  Ask Jesus.  It is, however, the best plan.  Let me be the first to say I don't get it all.  Why did all Horace's children die?  Why did those men set off bombs in Boston?  Why do earthquakes come?  Why did my mom die an awful death from cancer?  Why does abortion exist?  Why, why, why?!?!?!  I have no idea why God allows things.  We can all learn from the Spaffords.  We can all be victorious.  Our circumstances will never be perfect.  In this life there will be trouble.  Jesus said this himself in John 16:33.  Overcoming our trials doesn't always mean the trial ends.  Often it means we find a way to be victorious despite the trial.  We pick ourselves up after being knocked down and seek God's face.  The Spafford's sought God despite their pain and God, no doubtingly, used them to further His Kingdom in Jerusalem.

John 16:33)  "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

On a side note, I remember my mom saying several times that she wanted "It Is Well with My Soul" played at her funeral.  There is just something so profound about that request.  I'll let you read the words to the hymn now.

1. When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
   When sorrows like sea billows roll;
   Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
   It is well, it is well, with my soul.
   
   • Refrain:
     It is well, with my soul,
     It is well, it is well, with my soul.
2. Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
   Let this blest assurance control,
   That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
   And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
3. My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
   My sin, not in part but the whole,
   Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
   Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
4. For me, be it Christ, be it Christ hence to live:
   If Jordan above me shall roll,
   No pang shall be mine, for in death as in life
   Thou wilt whisper Thy peace to my soul.
5. But, Lord, ’tis for Thee, for Thy coming we wait,
   The sky, not the grave, is our goal;
   Oh, trump of the angel! Oh, voice of the Lord!
   Blessed hope, blessed rest of my soul!
6. And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
   The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
   The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
   Even so, it is well with my soul.

Attitude Matters

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   We all are in need of a little perspective from time to time.  If you are anything like me you get caught up in your own "stuff." It can be good stuff or trying stuff.  We also tend to think our trying stuff is the worst.  Whenever anything uncomfortable happens I try and figure out how to make the situation more comfortable for myself.  Lets face it we don't enjoy pain.  I find it interesting to talk to people that claim the name of Jesus over anything bad.  They automatically think Satan is trying to foil their plans or to ruin their day.  While I do absolutely believe in spiritual warfare I also believe the Lord allows challenges to come to grow us up.  maybe its just me, but i certainly dont grow much when I am on the mountain top.  Now don't get me wrong Satan does enjoy ruining our day, but most of the time we ruin it ourselves with our attitude about challenges.  
   
   
   Yesterday was a interesting  day for me.  Let me explain a bit.  My doctor (the specialist I see in Arizona) did some blood work last week.  I get blood work often because of my hormone issues.  I meet with her by phone quite often too.  The last round of labs uncovered some issues with my blood sugar which is very interesting given my addiction to exercise and healthy diet.  So she ordered a 5 hour glucose test.  If you have been pregnant before you had a 2-3 hour test.  I decided I was going to have a good attitude.  This was going to be great and helpful.  I prayed and prayed over the situation and felt like the Lord was assuring me it would give us helpful information.  So I fasted 12 hours and got to the lab bright and early, 7:15.  Well, it wasn't so bright because of the time change.  
   
   
   I seriously came prepared with two books, an HGTV magazine, my Bible study journal, heating pad, and pillow.  I was ready to get this done.  I hand the lab technician the order and she says she can't do the test.  What?!  I called to confirm they could last Friday.  Dr. Vliet had written out the names of the diagnosis without the codes.  Apparently they can't start the test without the codes.  I wanted to cry.  I honestly felt like in this circumstance Satan was trying to mess things up.  I felt a strong pull to pray that if God wanted this test done He would make a way.  We couldn't call Dr. Vliet's office because it was only after 5 a.m. in Arizona.  The tech called her supervisor and had no luck.  I had Dave praying too.  Speaking of Dave I will have to tell you about his morning when I'm done.  What I didn't do is flip out and yell at the lab tech.  I was sitting there trying to think of something and my uncle Rog's name came to mind (he is a doctor).  I called him and he and his nurse were able to help us.  The test finally got started an hour late.  
   
   
   It really wasn't all that bad.  My friend Kristin stopped by to chat which was so thoughtful.  My other friend and her daughter took care of Olive.  The lab tech couldn't believe how patient I was.  Honestly I really didn't get it either.  Anything of the medical sort makes me terribly anxious because of all that 
   I have been through.  I read my book about the misconceptions we have about God.  I gave the tech
   the book when I left...she appreciated it.  I people watched.  Incidentally a lot of people come in for urine tests!  Another lady was super grouchy.  She was complaining to another woman about how slow the lab tech was and how she hates mornings.  She couldn't have been sitting there more than five minutes before she got called back!  I chatted with an older gentleman about Girl Scout cookies.  We got on the topic because the girl sitting next to him mentioned her boyfriend was sitting in the car waiting and eating Girl Scout cookies.  The gentleman thought the price was ridiculous these days...$6.00 a box.  I agreed.  He was waiting forever AFTER his test.  His wife had to run over to a gas station to use the rest room and didn't come back for probably a half hour.  He told me he thought she went to Wal-Mart.  She did come back eventually!  I found it all very entertaining.
   
   
   I wouldn't call the test fun.  Actually it was far from it.  They took out two files of blood than I drank this awful sugar syrup.  They waited 30 minutes than took out two more files of blood.  After another half an hour another two files.  This went on four more hours with draws being taken every hour.  When it was said and done I had 14 viles of blood taken out.  Fortunately Dave was able to come pick me up because I felt like I was in slooooooow motion.  As far as how I felt physically it really was not very good.  I felt jazzed after the drink than crazy tired about 10 minutes later.  I had cold chills, hot flashes, etc.  My arms still feel like a pin cushion.  I had total and complete peace though.  I 100% believe it didn't seem bad because I had a good attitude.  In the days leading up to the test I decided I was not going to fear what they found out.  I was going to pass this test.  I am not referring to the glucose test, but the spiritual test that was before me.  I told God that too.  I decided I was going to trust Him.  Eli and I recite Proverbs 3:5-6 every morning.  You can read it below.  One of the major fears I have battled throughout this health issue is the "what if" question.  What if I never feet better?  What if this lasts forever?  What if the labs come back horrible?  What if the labs come back saying I am fine even though I feel atrocious?!  "No!  I am trusting You God," I kept saying in the week leading up to this ordered 5 hour test.
   
   
   Proverbs 3:5-6) Trust in God with all your heart.  Do not lean on your own understanding and in all 
   your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your paths.
   
   
   While I was sitting there doing a Bible study The Lord gave me the following verse.
   
   
   Isaiah 43:19). See, I am doing a new thing!  Now it springs up; do you not perceive it?  I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.
   
   
   Lets fast forward to this morning.  I was walking on the treadmill because apparently after 14 viles of blood being taken out one should not do strenuous exercise.  Don't worry I was told that by the wonderful woman at Dr. Vliet's office and didn't find out for myself!  I love listening to Joyce Meyer podcasts while I work out.  So get this!  Her topic this morning was on avoiding the "what if" fear.  Joyce is a special teacher and author to me.  Her teachings have been crucial in my spiritual growth during this challenging time.  Wow!  This hit home.  Guess what verse she used as a reference verse in her lesson?!  Yep, you guessed it...Isaiah 43:19.  I couldn't believe it.  I really felt in God's presence.  I knew without a doubt He was right with me in that lab for that 6-1/2 hour test.  
   
   
   I guess the point of this blog entry is to encourage you to have a positive attitude in whatever season you are in.  God can use absolutely every experience we are in to further His Kingdom and grow us spiritually.  Patience is a tremendous virtue.  I have a long way to go, but I am so glad I am not where I was.  This blog entry was actually not the one I planned for today.  So you will have to check in next time as we learn about the wonderful story behind the hymn "It is Well With My Soul."
   
   
   Oh and my quick Dave story.  Since I had to be at the lab so early he had to get Eli ready for school.  It's really pretty easy.  Eli has an alarm so he comes downstairs all dressed.  I even made oatmeal the night before so all Dave had to do was reheat it.  Dave came down all dressed too (what a big boy!), but seemed a bit flustered.  He is used to getting up, showering and dressing, and grabbing his breakfast and lunch out of the fridge before he takes off for the day.  So having responsibility was quite a change.  David is always wonderfully helpful though and he was willing to help do whatever needed to be done.  Before I left I told him to be sure to get the ice pack out of the freezer for Eli's lunch box.  I also hung Eli's vest and book bag on the door knob so they wouldn't forget it.  So what happened?  Eli went to school with no vest, no lunch, and no book bag!  Dave stopped at the grocery next to the school and bought some snacks and gave Eli his sandwich!